*Gasping*

I'm overwhelmed today.

I'm feeling frustrated and sad.

I'm ANGRY and hurt and irritated and dissappointed and I feel like a human pinball machine with my emotions bouncing all over the place.

The reality of planning for the upcoming school year is feeling daunting right now. I'm an educator and there really aren't any jobs in education right now. School districts are not hiring and the positions available are being pursued by multiple candidates. My school is being closed, not because we wanted it to close but because others don't want the "hassle" of sharing space with us. They feel we "hinder" their ministries and therefore we must go...not viewing what we do as a vital ministry. At the same time, we just didn't have enough time to find a space of our own and so now I am looking for work again. It seems like every 2 years I'm on the job hunt again.

I'm also feeling frustrated with things at home. My messiness is not easily conquered. I have BAD habits and I struggle with fixing them right now. I also am struggling with responding properly to what I feel is misplaced criticism from people in my life. I know it's bad, and I am trying to rectify it and I do better with PRAISE rather than critique. I feel like the good is not focused on only the remainder that needs to be done. I can't fix this overnight and I am trying and working at it but its hard for me...really hard. I'm not a natural Stay at Home Mom...I'm not. I'm easily distracted and unfocused...I need lists and charts and yet I am overwhelmed by the length of them...I need a MAID....yeah that would fix it...no it wouldn't...I need to get into better habits. I need to train my children better too...it's a team effort not just a Me effort, but getting them to work is a challenge.

Well, I'm off to clean my Bedroom...I have to get it better so that Dan and I can rearrange our furniture when he goes on day shift next week.