Re-Inventions

Wow!  Here it is 2013 and I have a new year ahead of me.

I have a blank calendar, a blank slate as it were to fill with my life.  I've been pondering this over the last few days:

What do I want this year to look like?  

What do I want to change?  

What do I NEED to change?

What will my focus for the year be?

I've been struggling recently, really struggling.  My focus has been shifted, my mood low, I'll admit it, I'm in a Valley...a deep valley, a dark valley at times.  It's been painful, and I have been not the nicest or loving person to my family.  I've been very focused on ME.  I've been very focused on the WHY ME's, "why isn't my life better, why doesn't anyone help me. why doesn't anyone take care of me".  Selfish isn't it, and yet sometimes I feel like I am justified in my thinking.  

This is my yard as the kids were building snowmen yesterday....really not pretty, this is how I've been feeling lately, really not pretty...run over as it were.

I take care of the household, I take care of the bills, I get up every night with a toddler who somehow forgot how to sleep all night 3 months ago...sometimes he's up once, sometimes he's up twice, if I am really unlucky I end up sleeping with him.  I do what feels like everything...and I'm tired.  

I'm tired.  That's the truth, I am emotionally, spiritually and physically tired.  Like I said, I'm in a low place...but I am going to be climbing the mountain.  I'm going to get out of this valley.  I'm going to change my focus.

Today is the first day of a new year and a good way to look ahead...Forward as it were....I need to put the past in the past and stop dragging it out and wallowing over it.  I can't change it, I can't, it's in the past...I can only work on TODAY.  Today is where I am...the present.  I can look ahead to the future but what I am doing TODAY is what will impact the future.  I have no perfect crystal ball that will show me what the future holds.  I'm not to worry about tomorrow, I'm not to fret about yesterday, I need to focus on TODAY!.  I need to look for the good and happy things in today.  I need to relish the small things and not get too caught up in the I wishes, the I needs, the why's of it all.  I need to be CONTENT.

I've claimed a passage of Scripture for the year.  It's going to be a tough one to follow but I believe it is a necessary one.  I took it out of my favorite book in the Bible.   I feel like this book is written for me...it's the book of Philippians.  It's a book about Joy and Rejoicing in what the Lord has done for us.  Too often I get focused on the bad and not look at the good, and it affects how people look at me and the impact I have on those around me.  I'm going to focus and work to fulfill this simple command...
  "Do all things without grumbling or disputing so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God about reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation among whom you appear as lights in the world."

Easy enough huh....hah!  I'm a champion when it comes to complaining!  I'm the queen bee as it were...but not anymore...I'm going to look at enjoying life again!

Will you join me on my journey?  Will you choose like me to put the ugly and selfish behind us and focus on the Forward Journey of Today.   Will you look for things to be happy about?  Things for which to be thankful and find meaning even in the menial, small, overlooked tasks.  

Come and join me, it may not be an easy journey but I am praying that it will be a meaningful one.

It snowed yesterday....a really pretty snow...covering the brown and dead things in the yard...a nice focus on New Years Eve.