So Long 2013....Hello 2014! Let's Be Better!

Okay, I'm a horrible blogger...but I am starting fresh again!

So here it is 2014!  I have to retrain my fingers to type that new number, try and remember to write in on my checks and other items and all around just figure it all out...by the time that happens usually the year is half over!

Last year at this time I was feeling very low.

This year I'm feeling pretty good.  I'm feeling more motivated, ready to face the year ahead and make some changes for the better of the family.

My word for the year is Better as in do everything a little bit better than you did the year or day before.

This hopefully will be fun.  Some areas I want to be better:

• I want to be a better wife.  To give and be the help that my husband needs and to help him be a better husband to me.  We have been married coming on 15 years this June and I think that no matter how good things may be we can definitely be Better.
• I want to be a better mom.  I want to teach my children, love my children and help them to grow to be better kids.  This is doable and a growing experience all in one!
• I want to be a better eater.  I need to up my fruits, vegetables and healthy foods and limit my bad habits.
• I want to be a better exerciser...here's how I hope to do that

I had Dan move the treadmill upstairs and into the living room.  If I see it everyday I will be more likely to walk on it instead of putting it off when it's in the basement.

• I want to be a better housekeeper.  This is an area I really struggle with...so again, it will be baby steps but if I am better today than I was yesterday than my house will be better off for it!
• I want to be a better teacher.  I'm a good teacher but there is always room for improvement!
• I want to be a better blogger and not fall off writing in May or June and not pick it up for a long time.  I was better last year than the year before but I can definitely do better.

So that's my goal for the year...to be Better.  What's your goal?  How will you be better?

Looking Back to Look Forward

It's that time again...evaluation time.

It's been another month.  Another goal, another process of seeing if I am better.

Well, I've kinda fallen off the blog wagon...but I have been busy and the toddler has discovered watching TV.

I've been trying to make more time with the hubby so I am off the computer more.

I've been trying to be loving and giving this month and show love even when I am tired, frustrated or being selfish.

See, I'm human and I am not superwoman and I forget that sometimes.

It's been a full and crazy month.

I have shown love, I have been snowed in, I have put others needs before mine.  I have helped in ways I have not thought physically possible.

It's been good, bad and challenging all wrapped into one.

Well, what does March look like...what's the goal....what do I need to work on.

My goal this month is HEALTH.  Being healthy.  Eating healthy, behaving healthy, loving healthy, a good goal.

Hopefully an attainable one.  I'm feeling much healthier mentally but I still have work that needs to be done.  So HEALTH is the goal.

Here's to a good month!

Loving the Unlovable

We all know that person who just can push your buttons faster than you would like.

They are annoying, they are obnoxious, they are self centered, they are just not someone you like to be around.

I have one of these in my life right now.  We attend the same church

This person also really likes me or just doesn't see how she annoys me.

Don't get me wrong, she is a very sweet girl.  She loves people, and she loves Jesus and she love my family.  She tries to be helpful and I appreciate that on one hand, but on the other hand, I just want to turn the other direction and not interact with her at all!

I think God has placed her in my life because he wants me to learn how to LOVE.

according to I Corinthians 13 Love is this...

• patient,
• kind,
• not jealous, 
• not a braggart,
• not arrogant, 
• does not act unbecomingly, 
• does not seek its own,
• is not provoked, 
• does not take into account a wrong,
• does not rejoice in unrighteousness, 
• rejoices in the truth,
• bears all things, 
• believes all things, 
• hopes all things, 
• love never fails.

When I am around her I will admit I am not these things but I am praying that I will be.  I have to love those who are unlovable to me, just as others need to love me when I am unlovable.  

I was probably not the most lovable when I was younger, I have days when I am not the most lovable now but that is no excuse for me not to love.  

It's my desire to be loving to all who need to be loved, whether I find them lovable or not...even if its not always what I find the easiest thing to be doing!

IT's JUST TOO HARD

"This is impossible"

"I can't stand this"

"I don't want to do this, it's just too hard"

These statements I have heard this morning coming from my living room.

And no, I didn't say them, I overheard them.

The 10 year old is working on cleaning up the living room....and the mess its bad, really bad, and I offered to pay him but he really doesn't want to do it.

He's frustrated, and I understand, I'm there with him.

However, I am stopping playing the martyr.  I'm not going to let him give up, and I am not going to do it for him.  He needs to learn, and I need to guide him to do his best and accomplish the task.

My life has been like this...full of frustrations and hurts and complaints of it just being way to hard!

I've gained some hope though,  it's hard, yes, it's hard...and I am not the only person in the world who feels this way.  I have friends,  and other mom's who blog, unknown acquaintances who also struggle with this same stuff.  I'm not the only one who struggles and struggles and fails at being "SUPERMOM".

I don't have to be "SUPERMOM"!  I don't have a magic cape, I can't fly, I'm not Mary Poppins and IT's OKAY!

Whew...wow...did I finally admit it!

That's the heart of it, I have to let go of my desire to be perfect.

I'm not perfect, I'm not amazing, I'm not the best...I'm just me.

Sometimes I do things really really well.  Sometimes I don't do things very well.

I thought of it like this...

I can be a good cook....but I can also be a good kitchen cleaner so I want to cook more!

I can be a great mom...and I can let the little things slide and inspire my children in their inspirations.

I can be a good teacher...and I can also have an off day...but I am not defined by my failure.

I can be a good motivator...and ASK for help!

I can be weak....I can't carry the load alone.

It's just too Hard to do things alone...and it's just too hard to do things in my own strength...I've been again seeing that only be allowing myself to be weak and frail and asking for help and asking for God's help am I truly able to get through the day and work at being the best mom, wife, teacher and friend I can be.

It's hard to admit your not as great as you want to be, but at the same time it is a very freeing experience!

31 days and Counting

Can you believe that January is over?

I can't, I mean this month has flown by.  Tomorrow is the first day of February and so it's time to evaluate my goals.

Some questions that I have asked myself today, as I thought about what I should write. 

Have I made progress?  Yes,

I feel that I am making good progress on where my focus needs to be.  I need to live in the moment, to chose to look on the positive and not get caught up in the wrongness of things.  I need to embrace life and not get bogged down or obsessed when I am not doing the right thing.

Am I still in the same place?  No,

When the new year started I was in a low place.  I'm moving up the mountain, I'm not at the top by any means and I slip down from time to time but I'm emotionally feeling better, I'm also not as tired.  The toddler is sleeping much better and that is helping in so many ways!  

I've also experienced some good changes at work this month.  I am back to working 40 hours a week(38.5 after breaks)  and a new classroom.  So far, it seems to be a good fit and I am having fun bringing things in the classroom and trying to play dynamic lessons...I will have to blog about the stressful year I had at the beginning and how this is much better but this is not the time or place...

What do I still need to work on?

Everything!

I haven't mastered any of it yet.  It's very easy for me to slip back into the pettiness of it all, to that place where I don't like who I am.  That selfish state of being and wanting everything to go my way and to be magically fixed.

What is my goal for the upcoming month?

Love.

Love is my goal for February...I think it is fitting with Valentines Day and all.  

I want my family to feel and understand that I love them for who they are, not what they do for me.  I need to be an example of love to my husband and the kids.  I need to appreciate them and show them love.

Sometimes I am not the most loving and I need to work on this.  To love without condition, without strings attached.  To show love and be loved in return, to have a selfless love the way God loves me.  Love is important and it is my goal for the upcoming month.

How about you friends? 

Has January been an uplifting month?

Have you made progress on your goals?

Please feel free to comment or encourage as we endeavor to make 2013 a great year!

Comfortable

Just because something is comfortable doesn't mean its attractive or right.

I'm not a hug fan of this show but Stacy London and Clinton Kelly bash peoples arguments that wearing what you find comfortable doesn't mean that you are always presenting your best side.  

When things get uncomfortable or you get pulled away from the comfort of it all you are more likely to make a change...either for the positive or the negative.    

My life is sometimes comfortable and sometimes not comfortable.

I'm very comfortable with who I am outside my house.

At work I am defined by my job, a teacher.  The children in my room love me, I plan fun lessons and enjoy teaching little people new things.  I know I have a start time, a finish time and I do my best to be the best I can be.  It's as easy as that...I'm comfortable.

I'm not always as comfortable at home.

At home, I feel like I have to be everything to everybody, I have to be able to see everything that is going on, fix every problem, change everything that needs to be done.  It a big role and I feel like I don't do it great every time.  When this happens I begin to feel like a failure.

I let my weakness be what I focus on...not who I am or what I do right.

I get comfortable with being discontent.  I feel uncomfortable by my weakness and I then I get stressed out by my life.

I need to work on being content with my weakness, to not be defined by my failures or shortcoming but to embrace what I do well.

Today I conquered life by:

• breaking my chores into manageable pieces and relishing in the victory of something getting accomplished!
• saw my sister, got to appreciate the skill with which she has been gifted in painting and art and now have loveliness to see on my walls.
• cooking a meal I enjoy eating and savoring the flavors of the food and knowing that my family enjoys it as well!

It's been a good day full of ups and downs and twists and turns but I didn't let myself get comfortable with falling into my old habits!  And for that I am thankful!

Fail

I did it again.  I fell into my bad habits and became that person I don't really like...

FAIL

I snapped, I screamed, I got really mean....

FAIL

I'm frustrated easily, I'm angry for no reason...

FAIL

I'm trying again to do it all in my strength...

FAIL

I hate failing, I hate being this angry person who is not happy at home.  I'm happy outside of my house, or at least I put up a brave front.  I hate feeling like I am not good enough.

I struggle with little things...like keeping a clean house.  I have a super hard time with this.  I am just not good at it.  Add in 4 more people and I feel like I'm drowning sometimes.  I don't know how other mom's do it.  I don't know how some people ALWAYS have a clean house...I can't seem to do it.  The piles and crumbs must multiple faster at my house than at other peoples houses!

I read people's blogs and I know often one only puts on the blog the good and happy but I see the corners of houses and they don't look like mine and I think...how come I can't do that!  What is wrong with me.  It's like the airbrushing they do on magazine ads...I know it's not perfect and I know that they have struggles that I may not have but still I wonder.

I think if they can do it why can't I?  What is wrong with me?  Why is this such a struggle?  WHY?  WHY??  WHY????

That's the true root of it for me the..Why?  Why am I dwelling on the negative rather than the positive?  Why is the glass half empty instead of half full?  Why is the discouragement of life bringing me down?  Why am I seeing only the bad instead of the good?  Where is the contentment that I should have instead of the I want's and the gimmies (which I honestly hate coming from others)?

I think it all comes back to contentment.  Why am I not content with what I have been given?  Why am I resentful of the gifts that I have been given?  Why am I angry at the place I am in instead of overflowing with gratitude for all the things I have?   

It's simple and hard to answer this question...the WHY of it all is this ugly thing at the root....SELFISHNESS.

I'm SELFISH...scary thought huh..admitting to yourself that you are something like this.  It's true, the more I think about it, this is the root of some of my issues.

I'm selfish of my sleep...so I get angry when I am woken up...even if it's too a very sweet little boy who only wants to hug and snuggle with his mama.

I'm selfish of my time...I would much rather read a book or watch some TV than clean something.

I'm selfish of my food...I only want to cook and eat what I want.  I then want the kitchen to clean itself so I don't have to do...I want what I want!

I'm selfish.  Deep down I think that I am better or more worthy because my focus is on the SELF.  

How bout you?  Are you struggling with the Selfishness that is imbred in all humanity...that thinking that we are better than others and that our wants and desires should be at the forefront?  

I'm struggling with it...but I have named it...often when I name the issue it makes it easier to conquer it.  It's still a struggle but hopefully I can work on making this problem, these struggles begin to go away.   

It goes back to Overcoming and Moving Forward.  

I took 2 steps backward today and I Failed.  Boo...but I will continue and work on moving again AHEAD...embracing Today...and being a more content and happy individual.

The Art of a Deal

I'm working on having the big kids help more around the house. 

I'm offering not only to pay them but also I'm negotiating with them.  That really is working for the 10 year old...I mean, he is setting tables with me not even having to ask right now...I'm hoping this lasts!

I'm offering trades...one of the chores they don't like for something that I do...an even exchange as it were.  

The firstborn hates....I mean HATES....to load and unload the dishwasher...I don't get it...I used to wash all the dishes by HAND...she has it easy peasy lemon squeezy compared to my time.  I don't mind that...but I hate doing other things...so I have offered her a trade.  She picks one of my chores and does it willingly in exchange for me not having her load and unload the dishwasher!  

I'm hoping it works...she is still thinking about her trade item.  We will see what happens.  If this works I may negotiate for other items.  

I want them to help but I am tired of nagging them...hopefully this will make it easier for everyone.

Conquering Today

It's all about the Today of it all.

That's what I am working for and working on.  The enjoyment of Today!

Today is...

now

here

real

present

achievable

conceivable

doable

necessary

So I am conquering Today.

In little ways, with small changes, finding peace in the decisions I make and the responsibilities that I face.

Ways I have conquered today:

Joy...put a smile on and embrace happy.  Find things that you can smile about even though you want to scream, pout, or cry!  

Sing a Silly Song...if something isn't working, sing a song about it and it might change.  It doesn't have to be a pretty song or make sense sometimes singing just makes it all better!

Dance  if you hear a beat, feel a rhythm do a little dance...I have the worst dance moves but it can be a stress relief and make it all better!

Take a deep breathe....like I say to my students..."Smell the popcorn, blow out the candle"  in other words "in through the nose, out through the mouth!"

Put on your big girl panties and just deal...sometimes you just can't fix it...oh well, don't let it absorb you!

So I let today happen, I smiled, I laughed I enjoyed.  And it was good.  I also gave some random high fives and tried to be an encouragement rather than a downer.

So today was good.  And I liked it.

I cooked food I enjoyed for dinner from no recipe and it wasn't bad, and I have leftover rice for lunch.

I took a break at work and read a book in a comfy chair and enjoyed a small snack.  An easy 15 minute recharge.

I stopped sweating the small stuff and just took responsibility and made notes for the future.  And it will be okay.

I'm getting ready to end the day and I am feeling pretty good.  I like that!  

Thanks be to God for a good day!

Grumpy

I feel like Grumpy today.  I'm grouchy and I want to be disagreeable and angry.  However I am trying to follow through on my goals and not be grumbling and disputing.  But I really  want to be, I want things my way...I want stuff to go the way I want.  So this is how I am trying to change my thinking about my irritations....and I will be working on this all day, because I really don't want to be doing it.

1.  I'm tired...Jayden was up a lot last night and needing extra snuggles.  Instead of whining about this I will try to take a nap this afternoon and be grateful that my little boy still wants and needs me.  Plus, he is still recovering from his surgery and probably was in pain  and I know this is a temporary deal...hopefully when he is all recovered he will sleep through the night again.

2.  I couldn't find what I was looking for easily...Dan and Janea are off getting hair cuts this morning and we were sent a coupon in the mail in December.  I couldn't find it...until the last minute but I did find it!  So instead of grumbling, I need to refine my system and not make piles...piles are where things get lost, I need to have a place for everything and everything in it's place.

3.  A tornado has blown through my house...again.  I can't seem to keep this place clean.  It's a never ending battle and I'm just not good at it.  Well, instead of complaining I will get the kids to help me and try to figure out how to  eliminate the problems...like the cups of pens that Jayden seems to spill constantly and the never ending battle with packaging...maybe I need to make more food from scratch.  I'm grateful that I can work on the house while I do laundry today at home since my dryer is fixed that's one less battle!

That's a little bit of where I am this morning, hopefully things will improve as the day goes on...but I definitely need an attitude adjustment this morning.

Re-Inventions

Wow!  Here it is 2013 and I have a new year ahead of me.

I have a blank calendar, a blank slate as it were to fill with my life.  I've been pondering this over the last few days:

What do I want this year to look like?  

What do I want to change?  

What do I NEED to change?

What will my focus for the year be?

I've been struggling recently, really struggling.  My focus has been shifted, my mood low, I'll admit it, I'm in a Valley...a deep valley, a dark valley at times.  It's been painful, and I have been not the nicest or loving person to my family.  I've been very focused on ME.  I've been very focused on the WHY ME's, "why isn't my life better, why doesn't anyone help me. why doesn't anyone take care of me".  Selfish isn't it, and yet sometimes I feel like I am justified in my thinking.  

This is my yard as the kids were building snowmen yesterday....really not pretty, this is how I've been feeling lately, really not pretty...run over as it were.

I take care of the household, I take care of the bills, I get up every night with a toddler who somehow forgot how to sleep all night 3 months ago...sometimes he's up once, sometimes he's up twice, if I am really unlucky I end up sleeping with him.  I do what feels like everything...and I'm tired.  

I'm tired.  That's the truth, I am emotionally, spiritually and physically tired.  Like I said, I'm in a low place...but I am going to be climbing the mountain.  I'm going to get out of this valley.  I'm going to change my focus.

Today is the first day of a new year and a good way to look ahead...Forward as it were....I need to put the past in the past and stop dragging it out and wallowing over it.  I can't change it, I can't, it's in the past...I can only work on TODAY.  Today is where I am...the present.  I can look ahead to the future but what I am doing TODAY is what will impact the future.  I have no perfect crystal ball that will show me what the future holds.  I'm not to worry about tomorrow, I'm not to fret about yesterday, I need to focus on TODAY!.  I need to look for the good and happy things in today.  I need to relish the small things and not get too caught up in the I wishes, the I needs, the why's of it all.  I need to be CONTENT.

I've claimed a passage of Scripture for the year.  It's going to be a tough one to follow but I believe it is a necessary one.  I took it out of my favorite book in the Bible.   I feel like this book is written for me...it's the book of Philippians.  It's a book about Joy and Rejoicing in what the Lord has done for us.  Too often I get focused on the bad and not look at the good, and it affects how people look at me and the impact I have on those around me.  I'm going to focus and work to fulfill this simple command...
  "Do all things without grumbling or disputing so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God about reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation among whom you appear as lights in the world."

Easy enough huh....hah!  I'm a champion when it comes to complaining!  I'm the queen bee as it were...but not anymore...I'm going to look at enjoying life again!

Will you join me on my journey?  Will you choose like me to put the ugly and selfish behind us and focus on the Forward Journey of Today.   Will you look for things to be happy about?  Things for which to be thankful and find meaning even in the menial, small, overlooked tasks.  

Come and join me, it may not be an easy journey but I am praying that it will be a meaningful one.

It snowed yesterday....a really pretty snow...covering the brown and dead things in the yard...a nice focus on New Years Eve.

Off to a good Start

2012 is here!  I'm already confused by writing the date on things!  The first few days of the New Year are always more challenging for me.

We spent the first days of the year working hard on getting things organized and working.  It's hard to rearrange and reorganize your life but it is profitable to.  And important.  We have family goals that we are working towards and working together to meet these goals is also very important.

I've decided to tackle the P365 this year.   The goal is to take a picture a day of things that are happening in our life.  It's only day three and I am already stumped at what to take a picture of today but I will figure something out!  It's all good....I'm thinking I will just post the weeks picture instead of a picture every day. 

My word for the year is PURPOSEFUL.   I want to think of the Purpose of the things that I do and the words that I speak.  I think it will be a good focus for me as I am working on things in my life!

My goals for the year:
Clean  the kitchen every day!  Even when tired and not wanting to do it.
Eat more fruits and vegetables
Learn to cook more delicious foods from scratch! 
Be an encourager rather than a nagger in life...
Be more in the WORD!

So those are some of my goals...what are some of yours.

Final Post of 2011

Wow!  I can't believe the year is almost over!  I've not been the best blogger this year but I am thankful for the blog because I can use it to look back at the year that's gone on and see how God has worked and all the changes that have occurred.

Some big changes for us this year:

NEW BABY:  I'm thankful for a healthy happy boy that we have in Jayden.  He truly is a joy to our lives and we are loving watching him grow and develop!

NEW JOB:  At the end of February I quit my job in order to prepare for baby.  I enjoyed being a SAHM for a while but as the summer drew to a close I was feeling stressed by our financial situation, feeling like the walls were closing in and knew that I wasn't feeling content with where I was in life.  I struggled with this and felt like a failure at times. So I started looking and applying for positions.  All the while I was praying that God would open up the right position for the whole family and lead me to a babysitter who would give wonderful care to Jayden.  I was offered 2 jobs and the one I chose has truly been a gift from God.  I have hours that follow the big kids schedule well, I get longer breaks at Christmas and Easter, I work with people who are building a school program and since we are not corporate owned there is a family atmosphere for both the families of the school and the staff.  I feel blessed to be there!  Also I have found the greatest babysitter who takes such good care of Jayden and loves him like he's her own and I am so grateful for that!  He is in a home, not a center, he gets plenty of one on one attention and truly is thriving!

NEW SCHOOL:  Jaron started a new school in the district and while he didn't like it at first we have again been blessed with a great teacher for him and he is enjoying it!  I am thankful for our school district and the good education both of my kids have been getting!

Some focuses for the upcoming 2012:

Being a Better Wife:  I struggle with my attitude toward my husband at times and I don't express my feelings and stresses in an appropriate way.  I hope to have a proper attitude with Dan at all times and be a good helpmeet to him.

Being a Better Mom:  As a mom now of kids both older and infant I am struggling with the age gap.  I want to be the mom that all my kids need!

Being a Better Housekeeper:  I'm not a cleanie, I am a messie and I struggle big time with this....any and all help in this matter would be appreciated or someone offering to hire me a maid!

Being a Better Cook:  Dan and I love the flavors of restaurant foods but we can't afford to eat out all the time.  We also are trying to eat healthier so I have the goal of making delicious healthy dishes for the whole family that taste Better than eating out...another goal is to keep a cleaner kitchen so cooking is not a big challenge!

So as I bid the old year good bye and look forward to a new year I pray that God will continue to bless us with good health, a happy family and a good life.

The Art of the Deal

We watched a show the other night on TV on people who are considered "Extreme Couponers". Honestly, the deals they got were amazing...and yet at the same time they have so much stuff stockpiled that its just a room full of stuff, a burden at the same time as being a good deal. Well, it started Dan and I into thinking about other ways to save money.

In March I will be quitting my job and start being a SAHM. The cost of infant care and the big kids day camp costs are more than I would be bringing home in income and why should I pay someone to watch my kids while I am taking care of other peoples kids and not bringing home any income in the process...so it makes since to "retire" from the classroom and be with my family...at least until August when I will try and find a different job. With my quitting we will be tightening the budget belt and trying to get the most bang for our buck...and we are practicing now...my income now goes for paying the babysitter and helping to build up an emergency fund for when I am not working.

Well, we started at CVS...I am always impressed at the deals I see where people are being more or less paid for the good they buy there...well we went today and though we did spend a little bit initially we did leave the store with $20 in "Extra Care Bucks" that we will be able to use for other purchases at CVS...when paired later with other Extra care deals we will basically be getting paid for shopping there...can't beat that! It does take some planning but at the same time it is kind of exhilarating!

We did use coupons at Wal-mart today too...and we saved around $8.50 off the total bill...we will continue to clip coupons and try and find the best deals and see if we can start saving more money weekly.

I will say this...it may take the kids some time to get used to the fact that we are changing our habits and looking for the best options for a good deal. They are used to us eating out more and not being as careful...but at the same time I think it is good for the kids to see that we are working on being careful stewards of the money that God has entrusted to us and striving to use it wisely! It's all about living different now so we can live better later. It's a good lesson for us all.

Happy New Year!

Wow! I can't believe it is 2011 already!

2010 was a rough year for me...a good year filled with many good things. However, at the same time 2010 has been a year of changes for me...here are some of the changes from 2010.

1. JOB My school closed...so I went job hunting...to a job that I really don't like...it's hard to go from a job that is your passion to one you just tolerate!

2. HOUSING--okay this one is a good change...we bought a house this past year! I love my house and all our space! It's a GREAT change... but with the house comes different bills and a mortgage payment that is a bit higher than our previous rent payment.

3. BABY!!!--the biggest and I think most mindboggling thing to me is that fact that I am PREGNANT...8 years after thinking I was done we are being blessed with another addition to the family. This pregnancy and working the hours that I do is also very hard on me physically. I am still in a sense of HUH?? alot...even with an independently moving belly!

So I've been thinking of goals and things for the upcoming year as I have a fresh slate as it were ahead of me...so here's what I am thinking.

1. Budgeting...we took the Dave Ramsey course at church this past fall and it's given us the tools to use to make sure we are being good stewards of all God is giving us...now we need to apply it and live within a monthly budget...we are getting better but there is still room for improvement.

2. Baby...to have a good and safe delivery. To adjust and welcome this new little one into our family with no reservations and hopefully everything we need!

3. Kiddos...to help Jaron through the adjustment of changing schools next year, to being the best mom I can be to 3 kids not just 2. To balance the emotional needs of each child at each of the developmental levels that they will be at.

4. My Marriage...to continue to be the help that Dan needs...to realize that he is a good willed person and I just need to understand that men and women are different...to appreciate all that he does and not focus on the things that I think he isn't doing for me...to love and meet his needs whatever they are...to listen and relate and share what we are feeling together.

5. JOB--To find a new job in the fall or be a stay at home mom...I am most likely going to be leaving my current position in March. I don't feel like it is a good fit for me nor do I feel like they understand where I am coming from and the hours are not good for the family. SO I will take a good chunk of time off to have the baby and adjust to life and then hopefully find a better position for next year.

So that's where I am at this January 1, 2011. It was a good year in many ways in 2010 and yet I have room to grow and develop as 2011 unfolds...so adios 2010...welcome 2011

Quack, Quack

Hear that quacking?

Right there...here it...I do....what can it be?

That would be the Jonathan's getting all their ducks in a row and starting the process of changing our family tree.

Dan and I(more me but Dan too) made some big mistakes in our 20's regarding our finances. We made bad choices and dug ourselves a pretty big hole. Now we are trying to fix that. We are trying to make better choices and we have enrolled in the Financial Peace University class at our church this semester. We are going to make conscience choices now so that later we can be at peace with our financial situation.

We have a fire lit under us, we have goals in mind. We are looking forward to changing our financial future. It will be hard, there will need to be changes made but I know we can do, we must do it...we need to grow up, make tough decisions and work together to make our life the way we want it.

Pray for us as we go through this process...we probably will need it.

Keeping Busy

I've decided to no longer wait and wring my hands and worry about what I am doing job wise. I know God has something for me...I just need to wait on Him. I'm seeking and looking but I will not keep looking at my phone and demand that it ring.

My goals for the week include:

* kids hallway...it's gotten bad

* change sheets on my bed and wash all bedding.

* finish the laundry, fold and put it all away.

* tackle my closet.

* Janea's room...rearrange.

If I get an interview...the week will include hair cuts and stuff...

Plus I get to play volleyball tonight and I have an AWANA meeting on Thursday. It's good to have things to do and keep my mind focused.

Making Progress???

Okay, so I have been trying to get my house under control for what 7 months...yeah...7 months. It's been my goal for the year.

Progress is being made and I think I know why everything has started to fall into place this week. Dan isn't SLEEPING all day! Now why would that make a difference? I can tell you...it's an energy thing...no I am not getting mystical and saying the energy in the house is different...it's an energy thing with me...I'm tired by the time he used to go to work and so BIG things didn't get done. Plain and simple...it's hard to start a project at 3 in the afternoon and finish it in a timely fashion...by 3 I'm tired and ready to just hang out with the kids, not start a big project.

Dan's on a new schedule at work and we are still adjusting to it and all but I can work on projects that need to be done now earlier in the day. The kids don't have to be quiet and I can get them to help more with tunes playing and without me shushing them all day. Our bedroom is right off the kitchen so they had to be quiet so Dan could get some good sleep. I also was able to work on the rooms that really needed help since I could run the vacuumm as needed and not worry about waking him up.

Here's my accomplishments so far this week:
*caught up on all the laundry!
*cleaned and organized my bedroom
*rearranged my bedroom furniture
* reorganized and fully cleaned our bathroom
*living room more undercontrol
* cleaned the kitchen daily after meals and the like.
*made the bed every day this week!

Okay, little steps I know but I am doing it! It's progress...and I am feeling good about it.

Wow...

January is half gone!

This year is already starting to fly by. I can't believe it. The kids are back to school, I am back to school, Dan is working and we are all trying to start having better habits.

The kids have been spending lots of quality time with their Dad and the Wii. My aunt had sent Christmas money for the kids and we used it towards another Wii remote. So now we have 3. All three of them can play together! It's a good and noisy thing! The game of choice is Super Mario Bros for Wii...it's a lot of fun but they can be rather rowdy with it.

I'm starting to build better habits for myself. Please check out my cleaning blog for my progress and successes and failures.

My sister called me today from her vacation in Puerto Rico...I'm so jealous of her getting to go to a warm climate! I am wishing for some warm weather right about now! However, she really needed a vacation and so I am happy that she has gotten this break!

We are thinking of taking a mini vacation during the kids Spring Break...if they get a full week...snow days may have interfered. So we are waiting and debating about what to do. Dan will take some time regardless since he doesn't get the holidays the kids and I do. So we have things to look forward to in the near future!

This year is off to a good start!

Welcome 2010

All day I have tried to think how I would start my blogging this year. Do I change it? Do I keep it the same? Do I add more pictures? Do I not use pictures? What to do, what to do??

Do I have an answer? NO, so I think I will go with the flow, whatever strikes my fancy, talk about the things that I feel need to be talked about. Vent if necessary too. It's my blog and I can use it the way I need it.

I've never been a good journaler. In fact I stink at it, I can write something every now and then but for some reason I can blog, and I do blog and I enjoy reading past entries and see how things have changed and ways that I have grown as an individual. It's also fun to read things about the kids then and compare it to the kiddos now. So I am embracing the year ahead. I am looking forward to the things that strike my fancy to write about. I look towards seeing if I can continue to post more in the year to come. My first year of blogging, I was okay at it. I started in late April early May and I had around 80 entries. In 2008 I had around 230 entries. 2009 ended with around 256 entries. This year I am going to try to hit the 300 mark for one year. That's not an entry a day, but it's a goal to keep this record of our lives.

Welcome 2010 to my blog. I look forward to seeing what is in store for me and my family in the coming year. I'm honestly looking forward to seeing what God will do and what's going to be on the horizon for this year.