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Friday, February 11, 2011

Countdown

Yesterday I moved into the 30 weeks of my pregnancy...so that means I have 10 or less weeks to go until Baby J is here....scary and exciting all at the same time...we have so much to do before he gets here and now we only have a short time to get it all done.

Today is Friday and once I leave work today I will only have 4 more weeks at my job...then I will be unemployed(again). However, this time it's our choice to not have me work and since I don't feel like my current job is a great fit I truly won't be overly sad about leaving. I will miss some of the kids and I will miss some of my coworkers but I won't miss the crazy hours or the stress of snow days, sick kids or the like. They sent out a letter on Wednesday about me leaving and most of the parents took it really well, but one is like dumbfounded that I won't be coming back after 4-6 weeks. I don't get these people sometimes.

The weather is warming up and we're in the countdown for Spring. I really didn't expect to have the winter that we have had this year...it's been insane in January and February..so much snow! The kids have had maybe one full week of school this semester...Trying to juggle work schedules, snowdays and the like has been HARD...and STRESSFUL. In 4 weeks whatever happens I will be home and able to take care of it. Until I go to the hospital to have the baby then we will add newborn stress to life...but newborns will grow up and we will just need to get a new schedule in place!

I was really upset yesterday about the snow...tears and the like...my mom is such a blessing and not only helped me to calm down but also helped me to evaluate what it is that I am truly uspet about that is making the snow days that much harder. She thought is was Fear and Anger...and she is right. I am afraid of losing my job earlier than I planned because I am afraid for how we will make it once I am not working. I am putting money aside to use when I am not working and I am afraid that if we don't have that then things will be extra hard. However, I am not TRUSTING that God can meet my every need. He says that HE will do that...but I am so fearful that I am forgetting. I'm also afraid because I was not thinking of having anymore kids. Here we are 10 weeks away from having a BABY in the house...that's scary...I'm afraid I can't do it anymore. It's terrifying in someways. I also have ANGER...I'm angry that the school I taught at last year is closed. I loved teaching there and was passionate about my work and that was taken from me, not of my choosing but someone elses. I know that God works things out and that it was a good thing to close due to situations that are coming to light now but I am still ANGRY at the selfish people who made that choice that I felt was unfair. I'm struggling through it but I see the light at the end of the tunnel...it's there...God is in Control and He will do what HE will do. Thanks Mom for making me do some Soul searching over the last day or so...I slept better than I have in awhile and I think it's because I let go of some of my Fear...felt good too!

So that's my thinking in a nutshell...this post kinda got away from me and if you made it through my ramblings and hodgepodge of thinking great. It feels good though to see it and express it in written form though...so here's to the next 4 weeks at work and the next 10 weeks(hoping for 8) before little Baby J comes!

1 comment:

Melisa said...

Erin. I can really relate to this post. These are all emotions I am feeling right now myself and I've been trying to cope and deal with them myself and with the help of Jim, but it is still very difficult! I'm in the process of looking for a new job for next year and it's just really overwhelming. I"m praying for you!