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Sunday, November 24, 2013

It's time to put down some thoughts...

I feel the need to write today.

I haven't felt like writing for a long time.  

I've been BUSY....I mean super busy....I mean so busy that at times I can't believe how busy I am.

It's hard to write when you are busy.

When I am busy I tend to complain, and when I write when I am busy I post more complaints than anything at that shouldn't happen.

So no complaining...just commenting.

I've enjoyed the fall...with the exception of getting sick.

See I lost my voice...a major part of who I am is my voice.  I talk a lot being a teacher, I also sing a lot and I was unable to do that.  It was rough.

It was also good I think.

I'll tell you why...I had to listen more.

I had to stand and understand that it's okay to be quiet.

It's hard to be quiet...it's hard to not speak when you like to talk.

But it's good, its necessary and it's revealing.

I'm trying to be quiet more...to listen, to think, to be okay with the stillness.

So I'm trying to adapt, to change and to be quieter...it's hard, I'm a loud person but I think it will be good!

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Looking at the Calendar

I looked at the calendar and realized that I am a very bad blogger as I last posted in June and now it's ALMOST JULY!

Can we say busy?

Yes we can!

This has been a very busy summer!

So Far this summer:

The kids have gone camping twice.  Jaron caught 1 fish, Janea 3 fish.  They had a great time with their grandparents and I am grateful for the time they have with them.

The Firstborn well, she is now officially a TEENAGER!  I am not old enough to have a teenager!  I can't believe how mature and awesome she is and I am looking forward to seeing how she will grow and change.

Dan and I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary by going out for a steak dinner and seeing Monster's University without the kids.!  It's amazing how far we have come in our marriage and seeing how much better friends and partners we are as the years go by.

We spent the 4th with friends and had fun lighting off fireworks and such, Jayden isn't a huge fan of the noise though.

Jayden has moved into pullups and we are beginning the potty training process.

School starts for me the 5th but for the big kids on the 15th.  So we are gearing up for the new school year and hoping we get everything done!

It's a crazy life, but it's mine!

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Feeling Old

It's June.  

Can't believe it's June already.  Seems like this year is just whizzing by!  Every time I blink some new thing is happening or some new milestone in our life is starting.

June is an important month around here.  The firstborn becomes a teenager officially this month.  She has been a teenager in attitude since about 5 but she is officially a teenager in a week!  Can't believe it.




We're in that phase of life where it is the end of the world to get our picture taken, it's embarrassing to be seen with Mom and Dad, and we just don't know where we are going in life.  She's growing up so fast.  Hard to believe that just 13 years ago I was not really ready to be a mom, and guess what I still don't feel like I am ready to be a mom!  She has taught me a lot as I am trying to teach her.  Can't believe how fast life is moving and how much she is growing and maturing.  

At 13...Janea  enjoys
arguing...both for fun and in debate
theater...both watching and performing
superheroes and their movies
Dr. Who...if the TARDIS ever shows up I am sure she will join the doctor
Zombies and "real" vampires...not the Twilight ones

Love my firstborn, my teenager, the one who keeps me on my toes!

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Fun in Forts

Call it brotherly love, call it survival mode, call it staying sane on a rainy day!  I call it fun!  The boys have been into building forts in the living room this month, and while it makes a rather large mess it's nice to see my boys playing together!  True, the 10 year old does most of the work but I think they both have fun!








They have gone from one room to 3 rooms...still working on making it just right~!

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Happy Birthday

Dan's Birthday was on Thursday!

I am very thankful for him!


Tuesday, May 7, 2013

A Month of "Mayhem"

Anyone else feel like the month of May is moving too fast?

It's only the 7th and I already feel like it should be over.

May is important in our family for many different reasons but this May is extra hectic....so far this month this has happened.

May 2-3:  "I HATE SHAKESPEARE"--Janea was in her first school production as a middle -school student.  She did a great job!  I am one proud Mama and look forward to supporting her through many more productions!

May 3-5  Fishing with Grandma and Grandpa!  We went down for Kids Fishing Day at Bennett Spring...love this place but it was COLD!  We got a record snow in May here in the great midwest!  Usually the first of May is warm and nice...this weekend not so much but we still had a great time and the kids enjoyed fishing, feeding the fish and hanging out with their grandparents~

May 4th was also a big day as my wonderful parents celebrated their 40th Wedding Anniversary!  I pray that Dan and I are able to have as productive a marriage as my parents have!

May 6th--Beautiful weather returned and we decided to enjoy an evening at the park.  Jayden loves the park!  As we were going I remembered that our church had a fundraiser for our Mexico team at Burger King...so we went and supported them and I didn't have to cook.

This week has brought Wax Museum of Famous Missourians for Jaron and he dressed up and did a speech on Walter Elias Disney for his Famous Missourian.

Janea is finishing up her Map Testing and working on finishing the school year with many research projects.

Wednesday is AWANA awards night for Jaron

Thursday is Dan's birthday and Muffins with Mom for me and Jayden at our school.

The weekend ahead is full of Mother's Day and Calvary's commencement for my parents....and until school's out I don't think we get to have a breather as we have upcoming meetings and inductions into NJHS for Janea!

Thankful for a busy month and enjoyable things!

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

I'm Quirky and I know it

Today I realized that I am really a weird person for many different ways...and I am cool with that....

I like ICE cold water BUT I prefer my soft drinks lukewarm and room temperature.

I love playing outside and being in the great outdoors BUT I don't like the smell of children after they play outside.

I hate having cold feel at night BUT I can't sleep in socks...I will kick them off in the middle of the night.

I hate listening to people snore BUT I can't sleep if I can't hear a fan because I worry that the air will be too still and I will suffocate.

I love snuggles and hugs BUT I hate them from little feverish bodies and then I feel bad because that is when they need them most.

I love Spring and Summer and warm weather BUT if I have a sunburn I get really resentful of them.

I know in the grand scheme of things these things don't really matter but I do find them a little interesting as I continue the journey of improving myself.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

BUSY

So I am  busy right now.

Super Busy...you know the kind, lots of stuff going on, lots of programs for the kids, lots of places to go, lots to do...BUSY.

I'm rushing here, I'm trying to do this, I'm trying to finish that, I'm going so fast I don't know if I am coming or going.  I'm BUSY.   And it's not the good kind of busy...some of it is, other is not.

I've got stuff for my class at my school:

  • Mother's Day Projects
  • Finishing Portfolios
  • Finishing Lesson Plans
  • Finalizing Summer Stuff
  • Keeping up the the Schedule
  • Parent Teacher Conferences

I've got stuff for the Big kids

  • Janea's in drama, so that means play practice, chauffeuring her to rehearsals, late pickups from school, Saturday workdays
  • Jaron will have a 504 meeting for some issues he is having and that means taking time off work and finding childcare
  • Youth Group
  • Last nights at Awana
  • Going on a weekend with Grandma and Grandpa
  • Projects, Map Testing and Finals

I've got stuff with Jayden

  • Muffins with Mom
  • Parkwood Sunday
  • Well baby checkups and special outings to the park

I need time with the hubby but we are currently juggling all the little stuff.

It's busy...and I feel like I am failing.

But I'm not,

I'm making the time, I'm trying to meet the needs of the family.

I'm a little stressed but I am trying to prioritze and make sure that the important stuff gets done, that I am meeting all the needs of the emotions and not just focusing on the checklist.  It's hard, but I am doing it.

So we are Busy...and we will make it to SUMMER!!!  Only a few weeks left!

Sunday, April 21, 2013

"Sticking" Together

"Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones but words will never hurt me"
remember that rhyme?  It isn't true...words do hurt but this post isn't about the words it's about Sticks.

Sticks....lots of sticks!

We have 4 large trees in our front yard.  We have one large tree in our back yard.  We had a very snowy winter...which means lots of sticks have fallen off of our trees and into our yard.

The husband hates sticks!  Especially when he is mowing our yard.  They kick up, poke, clog the mower.  So every time he mows he sends the 10 year old around the yard to look for sticks.

The 10 year old isn't the greatest at finding all the sticks...but he gets a lot of them. I too went around looking for the sticks and Dan helped a lot too!

The big question then becomes what are we going to do with all these STICKS!  It's usually a really high pile!

This weekend we took care of the sticks by burning them.  In the past  we have burned them in the fireplace...a horrible messy job that drive me as the mom crazy!  There will be stick particles and dirt everywhere.  


The husband knows that I hate this so we went out and bought a fire-pit this weekend.  And we burned sticks yesterday...for almost 2 hours!  We had a lot of sticks.  

Dan was busy mowing the lawn, so I got put in charge of manning the fire.  I really don't fire.  I was badly burned as a young child and fire makes me really nervous.  But the job needed to be done and I am a much more logical choice to man the job then the 10 year old.  The firstborn was off doing the drama thing at her school.

So yesterday the lawn got mowed, the sticks got burned, we worked together.  It was good...I smelled terrible last night and was super tired but I felt like we had accomplished something.

On a cute note...the toddler got a lawnmower for his birthday from Grandma and Grandpa and he was going around and around the house yesterday just like daddy mowing the lawn!  I wish I had had my camera out to capture the cuteness of it all!

Saturday, April 13, 2013

A Parenting Perk

This month we hit the start of a milestone year...the year where we will have a 2 year old, an 11 year old, and an "official" Teenager...13!

I'll be honest, I'm a little bit intimidated by the the layers of parenting this brood.

We are now juggling tantrums, school projects, school activities, boys looming on the horizon, and the never ending driving to this event and that event.

I will admit though it has it perks.  We have a built in babysitter(if her schedule allows)  case in point  last night.

Yesterday and every Friday my class at school is very CRAZY!  We have 8 very loud boys in the class and they are very crazy and by Friday it's brace yourself, and hold on for dear life!  It was extra crazy yesterday.  And I was kidded out...literally.

So Dan and I talk frequently as we drive home for work and I suggested that I could use a night off this weekend if Janea was game to watch the boys...he had had a very busy week as well and was also in need of some spouse time so he volunteered to get her from Drama practice and then informed her of the plan.

I had enough Papa Johns' reward points for a free pizza!  The kids love pizza so that was their dinner...I just payed for extra cheese sticks on the side.  Dinner for them, under 10 bucks!

Dan and I enjoyed a nice meal out without the kids.  It was nice to talk and chat in the car, to enjoy a meal with no real interruptions and me not having to think about cooking something!

An hour and a half off.  It was nice, it was really nice and it basically cost us very little for babysitting...a pizza dinner and new ear buds for Janea.

I'm very appreciative of a daughter who is willing to babysit and allow us as parents some much needed time off as a thank you for all we do for her!

Happy Birthday's!

This week was Jayden's 2nd Birthday and the anniversary of my sister's birth!  They share a day!


They are honestly some of my favorite people in the world!  So thankful for both of them and their special days!

Happy Birthday to you both!  May you each have many more years of love and fun!

Friday, April 5, 2013

Toddler Fun

Tonight, Jayden and I played in his room and we did the following:


  • Built a train set, took it apart, remade it, and then drove a car on it....bububububub...
  • Climbed on the bed and spun in circles(I didn't do this but sat and watched)
  • Hid 2 legos in a blanket bucket and then hid ourselves in the bucket and then covered mommy up and said peek a boo
  • Cooked some imaginary food and shoved it in mommy's mouth...(still working on the concept of gentle)
  • Sang Ring around the Rosie about a 100 times and got dizzy and fell down.
  • Shared kisses and hugs
  • Got into jammies
Now he just needs to go to bed, cuz mommy is TIRED!  Jayden is still going strong but boy, I'm tired!

Love My Little Man!


Monday, April 1, 2013

Sanity

I'm quickly reaching my breaking point,

My sanity is leaving me.

I've forgotten how hard parenting a toddler can be..

Jayden is busy.  He turns 2 in 9 days.  He is curious, he is fun loving he is in a word....EXHAUSTING!

The toddler after he spilled half a bottle of lotion all over himself and my kitchen!
Today, he went to my workday and staff meeting with me.  It was not a relaxing time during the meeting, and I really hope my coworker took good notes because I was not really paying attention.

We got in the car to come home and he fell asleep.  I thought I could transfer him to his bed...WRONG...he woke up and then hasn't napped since 12:40 this afternoon.  It's dinner time now and he is going strong.

I needed nap time today.  I needed quiet and peace and a moment to breathe....and I didn't get them.  I'm a little bit angry about it too.

I love my son, I do, he is a joy to my life and a lot of fun to be around.  He is also into everything.  I was working on dinner and turned around to find him standing on my kitchen table trying to get into the cake container to have a piece of leftover birthday cake!  ON THE TABLE???  WHY???

He is running around without a diaper, just pants, I know this because he keeps taking it off...might mean he is ready to potty train, might mean he likes freedom...probably means a mess for me to clean up soon...

See...  I am quickly losing my sanity...

I'm praying for wisdom, strength and sanity!  Also for ease in potty training!

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Beautiful Easter Weekend

Friday the weather was fabulous!  So we took the kids to the park and walked the track around!  It was a great day for some exercise!
 Jayden and Jaron enjoyed playing on the equipment at the park too!  Janea and Dan walked while the boys played and then we all walked together!

 Saturday we went to my parents house and dyed Easter eggs!  Jayden loved it and we had fun hanging out with my parents and sister!  



 Sunday we enjoyed a wonderful morning at church and then the family came over for Easter dinner and birthday cake as Jayden turns 2 very soon!  I didn't get pics today since I didn't have sufficient memory!  Mom took a bunch and as soon as I get them I will add them to the post!

Very thankful for a time of family fun and refreshment!

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Little Things

I've been feeling rather under appreciated lately and then I am reminded that I matter in little ways:

A mom at work thanked me for writing a simple note on a daily sheet reminding her about a sack lunch being needed.  She would have forgotten otherwise but my note helped her and made her day smoother.

My daughter is on spring break this week and wanted to help mom out by working at preparing dinner for the family.  I helped some but she did quite a lot of it...and it was good!  Thanks to the firstborn for her help tonight!  I appreciate our wanting to help me by doing something I normally do!

The husband made the bed for me, I had taken off the sheets this morning and hadn't yet made the bed and he helped me out by putting the fresh sheet on, new pillowcases, and other things just because he loves me!  I'm looking forward to sleeping in a clean bed tonight.

The toddler is growing up, I can now peek in his classroom and see him throughout the day and he doesn't cry when I leave.  He knows that I am in the building and that I will come and get him when I am done with work and the teachers he is with take good care of him.  It makes the day move much more smoothly.

The 10 year old is going to make a cake tonight,  I am thankful that the kids are learning how to do more and more things and do them well.  I will have to help him but he is capable of doing a lot of it himself!  I'm glad he is growing and maturing.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

A Warm Day in March

Cheese!  So much fun!

Tic Tac Toe

Stop trying to take my picture mom!

Motorcycle man

Such concentration

Through a tunnel!

Jayden loves the slides

Brothers and friends and sliding partners!

I don't want to leave!

Swinging for 5 minutes before we head home

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Busyness and other whatnot

So here it has been about 2 weeks and I have fallen off the blog wagon...but not really.  See I've wanted to blog, had some posts in my head but honestly, we have been soooo busy this month!

So here's an update:

I turned 36 on the 6th...yes, 36...and I am old.  This birthday has been rather hard and I really don't like that I am now closer to 40 than 30 and it's mind boggling how old I am.  Dan and the kids took me out for dinner on my birthday and my folks had the kids and I over on the day after my birthday.  

Dan and I decided it was time to get me a new camera for my birthday!  HOORAY!  My other camera wasn't closing in the battery hatch and so I downsized to a small compact point and shoot with more features than my other one and better resolution.  I love getting to play with my new toy!

Friday the 8th Janea had a debate tournament at her school.  They were hosting so judges were needed.  I went to the evening session and judged storytelling and I enjoyed it very much, The firstborn and I didn't get home until rather late though and so the next morning was very tiring as the toddler decided to get up at his normal time!


 On the 9th we had AWANA Grand Prix...and Jaron raced his car...didn't place well but that's okay. Janea and Dan stayed home with Jayden since he and the car race wouldn't have been a good fit.
Sunday the 10th Dan and I got to go to the Matinee performance of Calvary Bible College's Seussical.  It was a lot of fun and nice to be out together without the kids.

 This week was weather week in my classroom and on Monday night I made Rainbow stew for Rainbow day.  The toddler decided that he needed to try it out for me and pose for the camera at the same time
The toddler is fascinated by all things big kid and this week he also decided that he needed to do homework with his brother.  


  
I can't believe my baby is going to be 2 in just under a month.  It's been a crazy busy month and it isn't slowing down at all...but that's a snapshot of my life right now!

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Sometimes

Sometimes your plan isn't what you want...but it's sometimes what He has for you.

Sometimes you feel angry or tired...and God is there to help you.

Sometimes you get angry and use inappropriate language...and God gently taps you on the shoulder and reminds you that you are better than that.

Sometimes you feel down and crazy sad...and a song of Praise will lift your Spirit and turn your focus on HIM.

Sometimes you get angry and ask Why?....and sometimes there is no immediate answer, but He is still there.

Sometimes you wonder why you are given something you didn't know you wanted or needed...and God reminds you HE is in control.

Sometimes you can't believe you are getting to be so old and yet you are so young and immature in your thinking...I'm thankful God is not like me.

Sometimes you need to step back, breathe and just be thankful for the life you are given.  I'm that sometime today...thankful that my God is bigger, and greater than anything I can feel, think or wonder.


Friday, March 1, 2013

Looking Back to Look Forward

It's that time again...evaluation time.

It's been another month.  Another goal, another process of seeing if I am better.

Well, I've kinda fallen off the blog wagon...but I have been busy and the toddler has discovered watching TV.

I've been trying to make more time with the hubby so I am off the computer more.

I've been trying to be loving and giving this month and show love even when I am tired, frustrated or being selfish.

See, I'm human and I am not superwoman and I forget that sometimes.

It's been a full and crazy month.

I have shown love, I have been snowed in, I have put others needs before mine.  I have helped in ways I have not thought physically possible.

It's been good, bad and challenging all wrapped into one.

Well, what does March look like...what's the goal....what do I need to work on.

My goal this month is HEALTH.  Being healthy.  Eating healthy, behaving healthy, loving healthy, a good goal.

Hopefully an attainable one.  I'm feeling much healthier mentally but I still have work that needs to be done.  So HEALTH is the goal.

Here's to a good month!

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Loving Even when its Exhausting

Nothing is more exhausting to a mom then a sick kid.

Kids don't get sick at convenient times, at least mine don't.

My kids usually get sick in the middle of the night, or during a week when Dan and I can't switch off who stays home, so I am home with them, jeopardizing my good standing at work.  Or they get sick when they have a huge competition or something fun at school.

The toddler is sick...fever, congestion, coughing, crankiness.

He has spiked a fever in the middle of the night the last two nights, waking me up and then having trouble going back to sleep.

I feel bad for him, and at the same time, I'm exhausted!  I'm up with him, snuggling, giving Tylenol or ibuprofen, getting a drink, helping him fall back asleep.  Then just when I am sleeping again, the alarm goes off and I have to start the day, getting the big kids and Dan off to work, determining if I am going to work, checking temperatures.

Yesterday, he woke up fever free so I thought it might have been a fluke of a fever so we went to school, only to go home an hour early because he had a fever.  It didn't go down to normal even with Tylenol yesterday so I called in last night knowing it was probably going to be another long night.

It was, Jayden fell asleep okay but woke up 3 and a 1/2 hours later with a very high temperature.  He needed drinks, more medicine, and just wasn't able to fall back asleep for around 2 hours.

I could have been angry...and I will be honest I was frustrated.  However, he can't help being sick, he can't meet his own needs, he is too little.  I just have to love and be loving even though it  isn't what I want to do.  I have to put myself aside and give love.  I have to love even when my son may not be the most lovable or friendly, when he is cranky and hurting.

I think this is kind of how God is with us.  We often are needy and demanding, frustrating and challenging, but He never turns us away.  He is that loving Father that meets our needs and helps us through our challenges and loves us no matter what.

I'm thankful for that truth.

Praying my little man feels better soon!  Also looking forward to naptime and getting a little bit of extra rest myself!

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Valentines Day

It has been a week for us.

We have been so busy, so everywhere, so focused on Valentines Day.

Valentines Day....I used to dislike this holiday. I've never been a mushy gushy person.  Don't get me wrong, I feel love, I just don't need Valentines Day to show love to people.

However, this year I embraced my inner Valentines...I put more thought into it and decided to bless Dan in the process.

He knows I love him, I know he loves me.

We do forget to do nice things for each other sometimes so we decided to put thought into our love and show each other love this month.

In honor of  Valentines Day I made him cheesecake...homemade, not from a box, water-bath baked cheesecake.

I've never made cheesecake before...see I don't really like it.  It's okay, but not my favorite.
 
 However, I've recently joined Pinterest, and I found these cute conversation heart cheesecakes and I totally thought I am going to make these for him...so I did and they tasted great, but I couldn't get them out of the pans so they technically were a fail.

I also pulled a Supermom, Superteacher moment and baked full size blueberry muffins for my class and mini muffins for the toddlers class.  I really felt domestic...but we did have to eat McDonalds in order for me to have time to do all these things...I do work you know.

We both worked on V-day and so I crocked pot a Pot Roast for dinner and we enjoyed a quiet evening together on the couch catching up on shows on our DVR...my kind of night.  

On another note, we have found a way to keep the toddler busy...YOUTUBE...especially the yogabbagabba channel...he can watch this on the computer and we can watch other non kid TV...he goes back and forth and enjoys it so I am using it for the moment...

Plus for me....See's Candy....only the best candy in the world...my favorite for Valentines Day!  Thanks dear for the present!  Love ya!

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Pondering Rain

"Rain Rain...go away...
Come again some other day"

Remember that rhyme.  I remember growing up in Sunny California and thinking this on some rainy days.  

I used to dislike Rainy days...now I enjoy them.

There is something wonderful about a gentle falling rain.  A good soak for the earth.  There is something fun in splashing in puddles and walking in the rain

We had a very dry summer.  A long drought...hot and dry.  It was not the greatest.

This year we are getting more rain.  

Last night it rained, thundered and hailed.  Spring weather in February!  I love the sound of rain on the roof.

It made me think of my journey.

Rain is good....tears are good.  Sadness is helpful.  Blessings come in unexpected ways.

The song above is one that has touched me many times especially when I am feeling down or low.  Sometimes pain and trials are God's way of making me a stronger vessel to serve him.  Sometimes when things are hard I need to look for the blessing instead of the pain.

Sometimes I have to serve my family instead of demanding they serve me.  It's about being a blessing and being blessed.

I hope you are blessed and being a blessing to others today!  

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Be willing

Sometimes things change and you have to be flexible. 

Sometimes you won't have things fall into place the way that you want it to go.

Sometimes no matter how hard you try it just isn't working and you have to do something else to fix it.

I've been dealing with this over the last few months at work.

I had BIG GOALS for the year...yes I am "Miss I Gotta Plan" but while I am a Lead teacher we co-teach at my school.

My plans and my co-teachers implementation of those plans wasn't happening.  I mean I had 2 co-teachers at the beginning of the school year, within 4 weeks it was apparent that one of them was not going to work out.  This teacher wasn't pulling their weight, and didn't have their heart in the job.  Within 6 weeks this teacher was no longer working with me.

The other co-teacher started out strong but quickly spiraled into a never ending pile of complaining and feeling overwhelmed.  I was dealing with 24 children and a co-teacher who couldn't seem to help me fix the room.  She tried, I will say that for her, she worked really hard, but I feel like she was overwhelmed.  So the room suffered, I suffered, I was stressed, I was Failing bad at this.  It was hard, it was exhausting and I felt like I was drowning in a sea of I'm not doing a good enough job.

My bosses needed to make changes, staff was hired, hours were changed and I got to regroup.  I became a member of a team of 4.  I went to part-time hours and got to spend more time with Jayden and got my house more under control.  I got to regroup, but I also went to a low place emotionally, I mean I often find my identity by my job...I am Miss Erin, the teacher, what would I be if I am not that.

I was tired, stressed, and feeling like a failure.  I was in that low place.  That unhappy place that I am working so hard to pull myself out of right now.  

The break helped.  I was able to guide the team and get them comfortable, I was able to do a good job at work and regroup.  I was able to feel needed and I was much less stressed!

During the 1st week of January, my boss told me that she might need to move me to another room.  By the 2nd week I received an email letting me know that I was needed in another room and that I would be back to full time hours..

So here I am back to working 38.5 hours a week.  I am able to do what I love, teach young children.  I am not in the age that I prefer but they are a good group of kiddos.  I'm team teaching with a young woman who is a behavioral specialist.  She takes the data, she helps with the behavior management plans and I get to do what I love, plan fun and exciting lessons, create meaningful art, talk about fun things and bring my input into the classroom.

It's good.  However, if I hadn't been willing to take a step back and grow from the experience of another mom, who is also my boss, I might have missed out on the growth that I am having and be in a totally different place that might not be as good.

That's one thing I am trying to do this year.  I'm trying to learn to Be Willing.  

I need to be willing to see how I can grow from criticism.  More often then not, it will help me to be better.

I need to be willing to let go and not try to make something work, to ask for help when I need it!

I need to be willing to stretch myself and see that a change can be a good thing, not a punishment.

I need to be willing to smile, to put on a happy face when I might not want to!

I need to be willing to be used as God would want me to be, to see His guiding hand and TRUST Him to be in control of the situation.

Are you ready to be willing too?  I hope so.  It's a challenge but exciting all at the same time!



Sunday, February 3, 2013

Loving the Unlovable

We all know that person who just can push your buttons faster than you would like.

They are annoying, they are obnoxious, they are self centered, they are just not someone you like to be around.

I have one of these in my life right now.  We attend the same church

This person also really likes me or just doesn't see how she annoys me.

Don't get me wrong, she is a very sweet girl.  She loves people, and she loves Jesus and she love my family.  She tries to be helpful and I appreciate that on one hand, but on the other hand, I just want to turn the other direction and not interact with her at all!

I think God has placed her in my life because he wants me to learn how to LOVE.

according to I Corinthians 13 Love is this...
  • patient,
  • kind,
  • not jealous, 
  • not a braggart,
  • not arrogant, 
  • does not act unbecomingly
  • does not seek its own,
  • is not provoked, 
  • does not take into account a wrong,
  • does not rejoice in unrighteousness, 
  • rejoices in the truth,
  • bears all things, 
  • believes all things, 
  • hopes all things, 
  • love never fails.
When I am around her I will admit I am not these things but I am praying that I will be.  I have to love those who are unlovable to me, just as others need to love me when I am unlovable.  

I was probably not the most lovable when I was younger, I have days when I am not the most lovable now but that is no excuse for me not to love.  

It's my desire to be loving to all who need to be loved, whether I find them lovable or not...even if its not always what I find the easiest thing to be doing!

Saturday, February 2, 2013

IT's JUST TOO HARD

"This is impossible"

"I can't stand this"

"I don't want to do this, it's just too hard"

These statements I have heard this morning coming from my living room.

And no, I didn't say them, I overheard them.

The 10 year old is working on cleaning up the living room....and the mess its bad, really bad, and I offered to pay him but he really doesn't want to do it.

He's frustrated, and I understand, I'm there with him.

However, I am stopping playing the martyr.  I'm not going to let him give up, and I am not going to do it for him.  He needs to learn, and I need to guide him to do his best and accomplish the task.

My life has been like this...full of frustrations and hurts and complaints of it just being way to hard!

I've gained some hope though,  it's hard, yes, it's hard...and I am not the only person in the world who feels this way.  I have friends,  and other mom's who blog, unknown acquaintances who also struggle with this same stuff.  I'm not the only one who struggles and struggles and fails at being "SUPERMOM".

I don't have to be "SUPERMOM"!  I don't have a magic cape, I can't fly, I'm not Mary Poppins and IT's OKAY!

Whew...wow...did I finally admit it!

That's the heart of it, I have to let go of my desire to be perfect.

I'm not perfect, I'm not amazing, I'm not the best...I'm just me.

Sometimes I do things really really well.  Sometimes I don't do things very well.

I thought of it like this...

I can be a good cook....but I can also be a good kitchen cleaner so I want to cook more!

I can be a great mom...and I can let the little things slide and inspire my children in their inspirations.

I can be a good teacher...and I can also have an off day...but I am not defined by my failure.

I can be a good motivator...and ASK for help!

I can be weak....I can't carry the load alone.

It's just too Hard to do things alone...and it's just too hard to do things in my own strength...I've been again seeing that only be allowing myself to be weak and frail and asking for help and asking for God's help am I truly able to get through the day and work at being the best mom, wife, teacher and friend I can be.

It's hard to admit your not as great as you want to be, but at the same time it is a very freeing experience!


Thursday, January 31, 2013

31 days and Counting

Can you believe that January is over?

I can't, I mean this month has flown by.  Tomorrow is the first day of February and so it's time to evaluate my goals.

Some questions that I have asked myself today, as I thought about what I should write. 

Have I made progress?  Yes,

I feel that I am making good progress on where my focus needs to be.  I need to live in the moment, to chose to look on the positive and not get caught up in the wrongness of things.  I need to embrace life and not get bogged down or obsessed when I am not doing the right thing.

Am I still in the same place?  No,

When the new year started I was in a low place.  I'm moving up the mountain, I'm not at the top by any means and I slip down from time to time but I'm emotionally feeling better, I'm also not as tired.  The toddler is sleeping much better and that is helping in so many ways!  

I've also experienced some good changes at work this month.  I am back to working 40 hours a week(38.5 after breaks)  and a new classroom.  So far, it seems to be a good fit and I am having fun bringing things in the classroom and trying to play dynamic lessons...I will have to blog about the stressful year I had at the beginning and how this is much better but this is not the time or place...

What do I still need to work on?

Everything!

I haven't mastered any of it yet.  It's very easy for me to slip back into the pettiness of it all, to that place where I don't like who I am.  That selfish state of being and wanting everything to go my way and to be magically fixed.

What is my goal for the upcoming month?

Love.

Love is my goal for February...I think it is fitting with Valentines Day and all.  

I want my family to feel and understand that I love them for who they are, not what they do for me.  I need to be an example of love to my husband and the kids.  I need to appreciate them and show them love.

Sometimes I am not the most loving and I need to work on this.  To love without condition, without strings attached.  To show love and be loved in return, to have a selfless love the way God loves me.  Love is important and it is my goal for the upcoming month.

How about you friends? 

Has January been an uplifting month?

Have you made progress on your goals?

Please feel free to comment or encourage as we endeavor to make 2013 a great year!

Monday, January 28, 2013

It's a Beautiful Day

It was near 70 degrees today here!

 It was windy, warm and gorgeous!

 It was perfect park weather!

The Big Kids, the Toddler and I all went to park this afternoon!  We had a lot of fun sliding down slides, climbing steps, swinging and going through tunnels!  So thankful for this wonderful day!