Toddler Fun

Tonight, Jayden and I played in his room and we did the following:

• Built a train set, took it apart, remade it, and then drove a car on it....bububububub...
• Climbed on the bed and spun in circles(I didn't do this but sat and watched)
• Hid 2 legos in a blanket bucket and then hid ourselves in the bucket and then covered mommy up and said peek a boo
• Cooked some imaginary food and shoved it in mommy's mouth...(still working on the concept of gentle)
• Sang Ring around the Rosie about a 100 times and got dizzy and fell down.
• Shared kisses and hugs
• Got into jammies

Now he just needs to go to bed, cuz mommy is TIRED!  Jayden is still going strong but boy, I'm tired!

Love My Little Man!

Sanity

I'm quickly reaching my breaking point,

My sanity is leaving me.

I've forgotten how hard parenting a toddler can be..

Jayden is busy.  He turns 2 in 9 days.  He is curious, he is fun loving he is in a word....EXHAUSTING!

The toddler after he spilled half a bottle of lotion all over himself and my kitchen!

Today, he went to my workday and staff meeting with me.  It was not a relaxing time during the meeting, and I really hope my coworker took good notes because I was not really paying attention.

We got in the car to come home and he fell asleep.  I thought I could transfer him to his bed...WRONG...he woke up and then hasn't napped since 12:40 this afternoon.  It's dinner time now and he is going strong.

I needed nap time today.  I needed quiet and peace and a moment to breathe....and I didn't get them.  I'm a little bit angry about it too.

I love my son, I do, he is a joy to my life and a lot of fun to be around.  He is also into everything.  I was working on dinner and turned around to find him standing on my kitchen table trying to get into the cake container to have a piece of leftover birthday cake!  ON THE TABLE???  WHY???

He is running around without a diaper, just pants, I know this because he keeps taking it off...might mean he is ready to potty train, might mean he likes freedom...probably means a mess for me to clean up soon...

See...  I am quickly losing my sanity...

I'm praying for wisdom, strength and sanity!  Also for ease in potty training!

Loving Even when its Exhausting

Nothing is more exhausting to a mom then a sick kid.

Kids don't get sick at convenient times, at least mine don't.

My kids usually get sick in the middle of the night, or during a week when Dan and I can't switch off who stays home, so I am home with them, jeopardizing my good standing at work.  Or they get sick when they have a huge competition or something fun at school.

The toddler is sick...fever, congestion, coughing, crankiness.

He has spiked a fever in the middle of the night the last two nights, waking me up and then having trouble going back to sleep.

I feel bad for him, and at the same time, I'm exhausted!  I'm up with him, snuggling, giving Tylenol or ibuprofen, getting a drink, helping him fall back asleep.  Then just when I am sleeping again, the alarm goes off and I have to start the day, getting the big kids and Dan off to work, determining if I am going to work, checking temperatures.

Yesterday, he woke up fever free so I thought it might have been a fluke of a fever so we went to school, only to go home an hour early because he had a fever.  It didn't go down to normal even with Tylenol yesterday so I called in last night knowing it was probably going to be another long night.

It was, Jayden fell asleep okay but woke up 3 and a 1/2 hours later with a very high temperature.  He needed drinks, more medicine, and just wasn't able to fall back asleep for around 2 hours.

I could have been angry...and I will be honest I was frustrated.  However, he can't help being sick, he can't meet his own needs, he is too little.  I just have to love and be loving even though it  isn't what I want to do.  I have to put myself aside and give love.  I have to love even when my son may not be the most lovable or friendly, when he is cranky and hurting.

I think this is kind of how God is with us.  We often are needy and demanding, frustrating and challenging, but He never turns us away.  He is that loving Father that meets our needs and helps us through our challenges and loves us no matter what.

I'm thankful for that truth.

Praying my little man feels better soon!  Also looking forward to naptime and getting a little bit of extra rest myself!

Fail

I did it again.  I fell into my bad habits and became that person I don't really like...

FAIL

I snapped, I screamed, I got really mean....

FAIL

I'm frustrated easily, I'm angry for no reason...

FAIL

I'm trying again to do it all in my strength...

FAIL

I hate failing, I hate being this angry person who is not happy at home.  I'm happy outside of my house, or at least I put up a brave front.  I hate feeling like I am not good enough.

I struggle with little things...like keeping a clean house.  I have a super hard time with this.  I am just not good at it.  Add in 4 more people and I feel like I'm drowning sometimes.  I don't know how other mom's do it.  I don't know how some people ALWAYS have a clean house...I can't seem to do it.  The piles and crumbs must multiple faster at my house than at other peoples houses!

I read people's blogs and I know often one only puts on the blog the good and happy but I see the corners of houses and they don't look like mine and I think...how come I can't do that!  What is wrong with me.  It's like the airbrushing they do on magazine ads...I know it's not perfect and I know that they have struggles that I may not have but still I wonder.

I think if they can do it why can't I?  What is wrong with me?  Why is this such a struggle?  WHY?  WHY??  WHY????

That's the true root of it for me the..Why?  Why am I dwelling on the negative rather than the positive?  Why is the glass half empty instead of half full?  Why is the discouragement of life bringing me down?  Why am I seeing only the bad instead of the good?  Where is the contentment that I should have instead of the I want's and the gimmies (which I honestly hate coming from others)?

I think it all comes back to contentment.  Why am I not content with what I have been given?  Why am I resentful of the gifts that I have been given?  Why am I angry at the place I am in instead of overflowing with gratitude for all the things I have?   

It's simple and hard to answer this question...the WHY of it all is this ugly thing at the root....SELFISHNESS.

I'm SELFISH...scary thought huh..admitting to yourself that you are something like this.  It's true, the more I think about it, this is the root of some of my issues.

I'm selfish of my sleep...so I get angry when I am woken up...even if it's too a very sweet little boy who only wants to hug and snuggle with his mama.

I'm selfish of my time...I would much rather read a book or watch some TV than clean something.

I'm selfish of my food...I only want to cook and eat what I want.  I then want the kitchen to clean itself so I don't have to do...I want what I want!

I'm selfish.  Deep down I think that I am better or more worthy because my focus is on the SELF.  

How bout you?  Are you struggling with the Selfishness that is imbred in all humanity...that thinking that we are better than others and that our wants and desires should be at the forefront?  

I'm struggling with it...but I have named it...often when I name the issue it makes it easier to conquer it.  It's still a struggle but hopefully I can work on making this problem, these struggles begin to go away.   

It goes back to Overcoming and Moving Forward.  

I took 2 steps backward today and I Failed.  Boo...but I will continue and work on moving again AHEAD...embracing Today...and being a more content and happy individual.

Life with a Newborn

I forgot the tiredness of having a newborn.

Here's a rundown of my day and I am exhausted...

wake up---change and feed baby

put Dan's lunch together in the lunchbox

get big kids ready for school...strap in crying baby and drive Jaron to school.

Get home...feed baby.

Nap with Baby....

Change and feed baby again

Attempt to get laundry and chores done...baby is fussy so you carry baby and try to keep baby calm...chores don't really get done

Change and feed baby again

Go and pick up Jaron from school

Try to keep baby happy...give up and strap him in Moby and have him sleep...start praying he still sleeps tonight.

Cook dinner...then eat dinner while feeding baby

Attempt to hang with kids and husband...all while trying to keep baby happy...maybe bathe baby.

Fall asleep exhausted to wake up ever 2-3 hours to feed baby and pray that he will sleep alone.

I know that I am tired from lack of sleep and feedings...may not have had enough calories today...but man a newborn is tiring...looking forward to him sleeping more!

If wishes came true

I would have a baby who sleeps longer at night without needing to be held.

I would have removeable breasts so I could have some one else nurse for me...breastfeeding is tiring.

I would have a Dr. Pepper IV that kept me full of caffiene but wouldn't effect the baby.

I would have a maid OR

The kids would have self cleaning rooms and my house would clean itself at the touch of a button.

My hair would be more manageable.

Clothes would come with automatic washing...no laundry involved.

But since they don't I guess I will just have to continue on...feeling tired today and wishing that things were easier and I didn't feel so down about it all

Trying to Deal

I'm trying to deal with my feelings toward my family.

I'm tired and yet I don't get to nap...others' nap but not me...so I am trying to be encouraging towards the ones sleeping and not be bitter.

I get hungry but I am the only one who really makes food for people...unless other's bring a home cooked meal I have to suck it up and cook something if I want to eat!  It isn't fair but it is life and I am grateful to have food to prepare and eat.

I'm trying to be understanding and kind but I want to be selfish and make others take care of me...and I can't force them to do that and so I am trying to deal with it all...this too shall pass and life will get easier again.  I do feel better than I did even a few days ago and I will continue to feel better so this too shall pass and I will learn how to deal with it all.

Ufff da

Uff da...Dan has been trying to get used to the time change happening over the weekend by getting up an hour earlier every morning.

Uff Da....I'm not sleeping much anymore and last night I didn't fall into a good sleep until after 2 in the morning...

Uff Da...Dan needed his work clothes and they were still in the basement...so he woke me up earlier than I wanted but fortunately and hour and a half after his alarm went off...and I had told him it was okay....just thought I would sleep more.

Uff da...got his clothes and then helped him make his lunch and saw him on his way...now I am getting the kiddos ready for school and then I am going to TAKE A NAP!!!!

Uff da...pregnancy and sleep just aren't happening for me!

Resting

So Saturday night I came down with the flu.

It's been a doozy of a couple of days. I have felt terrible, horrible, no good, very bad. We didn't make it to church on Sunday and by Sunday night I seriously was concerned as I was having bad pain in the upper right side of my uterus. Plus, Baby J was kicking there a lot and the discomfort was unbearable...so I called the nurse hotline and was advised to go in if the pain continued. Well, changing positions helped alot and by the time I went to bed the pain had subsided enough to sleep.

Monday I had a Doctor's appointment and described my symptoms. The doctors did a protein swab test to see if I am at risk for preterm labor and an internal exam and so far the contractions I have off and on are not causing baby J to come...no dilation or thinning of the cervix(sorry if to much TMI). He did prescribe a muscle relaxant and recommended that I take it easy and be on bedrest as much as possible. However, I can be up some, and I can still drive so it's not total bedrest. I have a pulled muscle from coughing and it's causing contractions

Today I spent sleeping...and resting....for like the whole day. If I could just stop coughing I think I would feel better. So I am resting...resting, resting...and while I am starting to feel better I am also just a tiny bit bored with the whole thing....I've wanted to get to rest and now that I am here and I am wanting to do something else...oh the fickleness of life!

Emotions

My emotions have been running crazy over the last few days.

Emotions are a hard thing to understand. It's amazing to me to see how little things can make you an emotional basket case.

Case in point...I've been feeling stressed and overwhelmed with the reality that in 11 weeks or less we will have a baby in this house. I'll be a SAHM of 3 kids, and life will be totally different. I'm also really unprepared to have this baby in the house...we are nowhere ready and I think...how is this going to happen. So I have been stressing. Makes one tired to stress and yet I have been stressing about it. Mostly I've been stressing about where the baby will sleep and how we will be able to bring him home.

Last night we went out and got one thing that will help to alleviate my stress. We now have a pack and play complete with bassinet, changing station and storage area. This is a load off because now the baby has someplace to sleep when he comes home. I also have found a way to get a good deal on a carseat so that is a relief as well, we will be able to bring him home.

Another thing wreaking havoc on my emotions is how I feel physically. Today I was EXTREMELY TIRED! I went to bed normal time and as usual had some trouble falling asleep and then got up to use the restroom more times than I would have liked. When I was really sleeping well around maybe 1;00am I think Dan had a nightmare or something because he ended up pushing me almost off the bed waking me up...and then I couldn't fall back asleep because I was hungry. I got up and got something to eat but I made a not smart choice and ended up with heartburn and so I couldn't fall asleep until 5:30 andthen I woke up at 7 when the kiddos got up...I had moved to the couch. SO I was tired, and very weepy today. Dan was gracious and gave me space to take a nap and it was so good...and I think I will try and go to bed early tonight so that I can rest.

I'm hoping for a less emotional week. It's hard with all these extra hormones from being pregnant but I have to make it through. Some good countdowns...11 weeks until my due date and 5 weeks until I get to "retire" for awhile.

Thanks I needed That!

I've not been feeling real good this week.

I've been tired, crabby, not sleeping really well, and just feeling blah!

I won't call in sick for general yuckiness or anything...that isn't what sick days are for. Plus, I don't want to take advantage of my works generosity in giving time off. And they are good about trying to be accomodating for doctor's appointments or stuff like that. I did really want to call in and just have a chill day but I couldn't justify it and I wasn't really sick and if I called in sick that would be lying and that is wrong.

Jaron got sick this week. Out of the blue. Fever, coughing, ear goop, the whole nine yards! So I called in to stay home with him...a valid reason to stay home! So Jaron...thanks for getting sick! It was nice to have a day off yesterday and a morning off today...I think I needed it...I'm feeling more rested and not as yucky!

Is it wrong to be thankful for sick children?

A Few Questions

Question #1: Why is it that I have to write out the schedule for everyone and no one else can keep track of it?

Question #2: Why don't I feel good today?

Question #3: Is it wrong to eat Reeces Pieces for a mid morning snack on your way to work?

Question #4: Am I a bad mom for not making the boy wear a coat to school since he left his good coat at school yesterday afternoon and refused to put on his not good coat?

Question #5: Why do I have to go to work today? Can't I just stay home and rest and sleep?

Feeling Weary

I'm feeling weary.

The weather is dreary.

It's a weary-dreary kind of day.

But yet, I'm at peace...know why?

GOD IS IN CONTROL!

Enough said!

Playing Catch-UP

After Spring Banquet I took the weekend off.

I really did nothing this weekend. And it was okay. I needed to just VEG...made for work being harder this morning but really it was worth it.

Janea and I went to the Library. We ate out(part of my mother's day present) we hung out, we watched a movie with the kids, it was just nice relaxing time.

Well, today I am playing a bit of catch up...trying to get some laundry done, trying to make sure I have all my ducks lined up for the week. Trying to have a good week as it's super busy!

The end of school is always super busy...this year seems doubly so, Janea is so much busier as well.

Whew...what a week...

I'm feeling tired today.

I had a really long week this week. My class has needed me to be extra firm today and I am tired. The week wasn't bad, just busy with lots to do and lots of noise. We've had lots of changes in the weather this week also which I think was contributing to the craziness. We got to play outside today and I was so glad!

It's Friday and I am thankful to be home. Dan is working overtime tonight and while I will appreciate the extra money I am missing him. I look forward to Friday's and getting to hang out with the whole family.

Jaron and Janea are on Spring Break starting the afternoon for a whole week! Dan's taking the whole week off to be with them and I am taking Tuesday and Thursday so we can have some fun as a family. It'll be a good thing.

Loving the Spring Weather we are having today, it's a littly breezy and cool but the sun is shining and it makes for good spirits. Hoping for good weather next week so we can spend some time at the park with the kids. It'll be good. We need some fresh air and exercise!

I'm so There Right Now

Ever have that day when you can't drag yourself out of bed when your supposed to? I'm so there right now.

Ever smell something and then realize it may be you where it's coming from? I'm so there right now.

Ever look at the kitchen and realize the kitchen isn't going to clean itself and you really are going to have to clean it? I'm so there right now.

Ever have your husband tell you he's out of socks and underwear and if you love him would you please wash some tonight? I'm so there right now.

Ever tried to get up the motivation to move the laundry from the washer to the dryer and pryaing that a magic fairy would just totally come and take care of it for you? I'm so there right now.

Ever wish you could just be Mary Poppins and snap your fingers are have things fix themselves magically? I'm so there right now

A Good Kind of Hard Day

I hate it when my class is crazy and one of my students is having a hard day. I have one little boy currently in my class who is dealing with a lot. We are working with his parents to find out what is going on. Its deeper than simple behaviour issues. It's probably something neurological and we are in the process of diagnosing him. This is a long process, filled with questions, tests, and observations before you can get an answer. There isn't going to be an easy fix with this, and I know this and am working with the family. That said...today we had an observer come in to spend time observing his behaviors. The thing I hate about classroom observers is that often when they come they don't observe the desired behavior because the children put on their "best" face...you know the perfect little angel routine. Well, today that didn't happen. My student was his typical self if not a little bit worse than normal! Made for a really long day but I am relieved because now that this process is occuring maybe we can determine Effective techniques for dealing with him. So it was a Hard Day and yet it was a GOOD day because the issues that I needed looked at were seen! I'm tired and thankful all wrapped up into one.

Three for Three

Last Wednesday, Jaron came down in the middle of the night with a stomach bug...missed 2 days of school.

Monday, I woke up with a stomach bug, and I missed half a day of school.

Tuesday night, Janea starts with her turn with the stomach bug and is home from school today.

I'm really hoping it is just 3 for 3 and not 4 for 4. I hope Dan doesn't come down with this nastiness. I'm getting really tired of the puking and cleaning up after sick kids and the messes that just seem to multiply when your not feeling good.

I am thankful that someone is home during the day so that when the kids are sick we don't have to take off of work, but I am getting tired of the illness being in my home.

The Never Ending Winter

Okay, I will admit that I am probably exaggerating...but seriously, it feels like this winter is never going to end. We are only technically 15 days into "WINTER" but for the past 15 days we have had ice, snow, cold, snow, brutal cold, wind chills below zero, snow, and tonight we are bracing for another round of SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The kids have another snow day tomorrow. I may have a snow day tomorrow, or I may not, being a small private school we don't have the same issues as other schools and so we don't as readily cancel, but we may, I'm not in charge of the decision. The weather people are predicting Blizzard like conditions for Wednesday Night/Thursday morning...so some worrisome nights for Dan.

I'm just not enjoying this winter at all. It's full of things that make me tired...so I am off to snuggle up with a good book...or just sleep.

The Parenting War

Have you ever felt like every parenting moment is a battle?

That the little crabby not cooperative person is going to make you absolutely insane?

Have you ever honestly considered sticking them in a box and shipping them off to another family member somewhere far from you?

Today was full of battles...both literal and figurative.

Jaron decided that he was going to be selfish and crazy.

He was uncooperative and threw a fit for over an hour over stuff.

We are working on not being greedy.

We are working on giving as well as getting.

We are fighting alot...so far the parents are winning...but there were moments today.

Moments that I felt like giving in and saying "fine...okay:"

We persevered...we conquered...we made it through

I'm ready for bed!