It's time to put down some thoughts...

I feel the need to write today.

I haven't felt like writing for a long time.  

I've been BUSY....I mean super busy....I mean so busy that at times I can't believe how busy I am.

It's hard to write when you are busy.

When I am busy I tend to complain, and when I write when I am busy I post more complaints than anything at that shouldn't happen.

So no complaining...just commenting.

I've enjoyed the fall...with the exception of getting sick.

See I lost my voice...a major part of who I am is my voice.  I talk a lot being a teacher, I also sing a lot and I was unable to do that.  It was rough.

It was also good I think.

I'll tell you why...I had to listen more.

I had to stand and understand that it's okay to be quiet.

It's hard to be quiet...it's hard to not speak when you like to talk.

But it's good, its necessary and it's revealing.

I'm trying to be quiet more...to listen, to think, to be okay with the stillness.

So I'm trying to adapt, to change and to be quieter...it's hard, I'm a loud person but I think it will be good!

Feeling Old

It's June.  

Can't believe it's June already.  Seems like this year is just whizzing by!  Every time I blink some new thing is happening or some new milestone in our life is starting.

June is an important month around here.  The firstborn becomes a teenager officially this month.  She has been a teenager in attitude since about 5 but she is officially a teenager in a week!  Can't believe it.

We're in that phase of life where it is the end of the world to get our picture taken, it's embarrassing to be seen with Mom and Dad, and we just don't know where we are going in life.  She's growing up so fast.  Hard to believe that just 13 years ago I was not really ready to be a mom, and guess what I still don't feel like I am ready to be a mom!  She has taught me a lot as I am trying to teach her.  Can't believe how fast life is moving and how much she is growing and maturing.  

At 13...Janea  enjoys

arguing...both for fun and in debate

theater...both watching and performing

superheroes and their movies

Dr. Who...if the TARDIS ever shows up I am sure she will join the doctor

Zombies and "real" vampires...not the Twilight ones

Love my firstborn, my teenager, the one who keeps me on my toes!

A Month of "Mayhem"

Anyone else feel like the month of May is moving too fast?

It's only the 7th and I already feel like it should be over.

May is important in our family for many different reasons but this May is extra hectic....so far this month this has happened.

May 2-3:  "I HATE SHAKESPEARE"--Janea was in her first school production as a middle -school student.  She did a great job!  I am one proud Mama and look forward to supporting her through many more productions!

May 3-5  Fishing with Grandma and Grandpa!  We went down for Kids Fishing Day at Bennett Spring...love this place but it was COLD!  We got a record snow in May here in the great midwest!  Usually the first of May is warm and nice...this weekend not so much but we still had a great time and the kids enjoyed fishing, feeding the fish and hanging out with their grandparents~

May 4th was also a big day as my wonderful parents celebrated their 40th Wedding Anniversary!  I pray that Dan and I are able to have as productive a marriage as my parents have!

May 6th--Beautiful weather returned and we decided to enjoy an evening at the park.  Jayden loves the park!  As we were going I remembered that our church had a fundraiser for our Mexico team at Burger King...so we went and supported them and I didn't have to cook.

This week has brought Wax Museum of Famous Missourians for Jaron and he dressed up and did a speech on Walter Elias Disney for his Famous Missourian.

Janea is finishing up her Map Testing and working on finishing the school year with many research projects.

Wednesday is AWANA awards night for Jaron

Thursday is Dan's birthday and Muffins with Mom for me and Jayden at our school.

The weekend ahead is full of Mother's Day and Calvary's commencement for my parents....and until school's out I don't think we get to have a breather as we have upcoming meetings and inductions into NJHS for Janea!

Thankful for a busy month and enjoyable things!

BUSY

So I am  busy right now.

Super Busy...you know the kind, lots of stuff going on, lots of programs for the kids, lots of places to go, lots to do...BUSY.

I'm rushing here, I'm trying to do this, I'm trying to finish that, I'm going so fast I don't know if I am coming or going.  I'm BUSY.   And it's not the good kind of busy...some of it is, other is not.

I've got stuff for my class at my school:

• Mother's Day Projects
• Finishing Portfolios
• Finishing Lesson Plans
• Finalizing Summer Stuff
• Keeping up the the Schedule
• Parent Teacher Conferences

I've got stuff for the Big kids

• Janea's in drama, so that means play practice, chauffeuring her to rehearsals, late pickups from school, Saturday workdays
• Jaron will have a 504 meeting for some issues he is having and that means taking time off work and finding childcare
• Youth Group
• Last nights at Awana
• Going on a weekend with Grandma and Grandpa
• Projects, Map Testing and Finals

I've got stuff with Jayden

• Muffins with Mom
• Parkwood Sunday
• Well baby checkups and special outings to the park

I need time with the hubby but we are currently juggling all the little stuff.

It's busy...and I feel like I am failing.

But I'm not,

I'm making the time, I'm trying to meet the needs of the family.

I'm a little stressed but I am trying to prioritze and make sure that the important stuff gets done, that I am meeting all the needs of the emotions and not just focusing on the checklist.  It's hard, but I am doing it.

So we are Busy...and we will make it to SUMMER!!!  Only a few weeks left!

Busyness and other whatnot

So here it has been about 2 weeks and I have fallen off the blog wagon...but not really.  See I've wanted to blog, had some posts in my head but honestly, we have been soooo busy this month!

So here's an update:

I turned 36 on the 6th...yes, 36...and I am old.  This birthday has been rather hard and I really don't like that I am now closer to 40 than 30 and it's mind boggling how old I am.  Dan and the kids took me out for dinner on my birthday and my folks had the kids and I over on the day after my birthday.  

Dan and I decided it was time to get me a new camera for my birthday!  HOORAY!  My other camera wasn't closing in the battery hatch and so I downsized to a small compact point and shoot with more features than my other one and better resolution.  I love getting to play with my new toy!

Friday the 8th Janea had a debate tournament at her school.  They were hosting so judges were needed.  I went to the evening session and judged storytelling and I enjoyed it very much, The firstborn and I didn't get home until rather late though and so the next morning was very tiring as the toddler decided to get up at his normal time!

 On the 9th we had AWANA Grand Prix...and Jaron raced his car...didn't place well but that's okay. Janea and Dan stayed home with Jayden since he and the car race wouldn't have been a good fit.

Sunday the 10th Dan and I got to go to the Matinee performance of Calvary Bible College's Seussical.  It was a lot of fun and nice to be out together without the kids.

 This week was weather week in my classroom and on Monday night I made Rainbow stew for Rainbow day.  The toddler decided that he needed to try it out for me and pose for the camera at the same time

The toddler is fascinated by all things big kid and this week he also decided that he needed to do homework with his brother.  

  

I can't believe my baby is going to be 2 in just under a month.  It's been a crazy busy month and it isn't slowing down at all...but that's a snapshot of my life right now!

Be willing

Sometimes things change and you have to be flexible. 

Sometimes you won't have things fall into place the way that you want it to go.

Sometimes no matter how hard you try it just isn't working and you have to do something else to fix it.

I've been dealing with this over the last few months at work.

I had BIG GOALS for the year...yes I am "Miss I Gotta Plan" but while I am a Lead teacher we co-teach at my school.

My plans and my co-teachers implementation of those plans wasn't happening.  I mean I had 2 co-teachers at the beginning of the school year, within 4 weeks it was apparent that one of them was not going to work out.  This teacher wasn't pulling their weight, and didn't have their heart in the job.  Within 6 weeks this teacher was no longer working with me.

The other co-teacher started out strong but quickly spiraled into a never ending pile of complaining and feeling overwhelmed.  I was dealing with 24 children and a co-teacher who couldn't seem to help me fix the room.  She tried, I will say that for her, she worked really hard, but I feel like she was overwhelmed.  So the room suffered, I suffered, I was stressed, I was Failing bad at this.  It was hard, it was exhausting and I felt like I was drowning in a sea of I'm not doing a good enough job.

My bosses needed to make changes, staff was hired, hours were changed and I got to regroup.  I became a member of a team of 4.  I went to part-time hours and got to spend more time with Jayden and got my house more under control.  I got to regroup, but I also went to a low place emotionally, I mean I often find my identity by my job...I am Miss Erin, the teacher, what would I be if I am not that.

I was tired, stressed, and feeling like a failure.  I was in that low place.  That unhappy place that I am working so hard to pull myself out of right now.  

The break helped.  I was able to guide the team and get them comfortable, I was able to do a good job at work and regroup.  I was able to feel needed and I was much less stressed!

During the 1st week of January, my boss told me that she might need to move me to another room.  By the 2nd week I received an email letting me know that I was needed in another room and that I would be back to full time hours..

So here I am back to working 38.5 hours a week.  I am able to do what I love, teach young children.  I am not in the age that I prefer but they are a good group of kiddos.  I'm team teaching with a young woman who is a behavioral specialist.  She takes the data, she helps with the behavior management plans and I get to do what I love, plan fun and exciting lessons, create meaningful art, talk about fun things and bring my input into the classroom.

It's good.  However, if I hadn't been willing to take a step back and grow from the experience of another mom, who is also my boss, I might have missed out on the growth that I am having and be in a totally different place that might not be as good.

That's one thing I am trying to do this year.  I'm trying to learn to Be Willing.  

I need to be willing to see how I can grow from criticism.  More often then not, it will help me to be better.

I need to be willing to let go and not try to make something work, to ask for help when I need it!

I need to be willing to stretch myself and see that a change can be a good thing, not a punishment.

I need to be willing to smile, to put on a happy face when I might not want to!

I need to be willing to be used as God would want me to be, to see His guiding hand and TRUST Him to be in control of the situation.

Are you ready to be willing too?  I hope so.  It's a challenge but exciting all at the same time!

IT's JUST TOO HARD

"This is impossible"

"I can't stand this"

"I don't want to do this, it's just too hard"

These statements I have heard this morning coming from my living room.

And no, I didn't say them, I overheard them.

The 10 year old is working on cleaning up the living room....and the mess its bad, really bad, and I offered to pay him but he really doesn't want to do it.

He's frustrated, and I understand, I'm there with him.

However, I am stopping playing the martyr.  I'm not going to let him give up, and I am not going to do it for him.  He needs to learn, and I need to guide him to do his best and accomplish the task.

My life has been like this...full of frustrations and hurts and complaints of it just being way to hard!

I've gained some hope though,  it's hard, yes, it's hard...and I am not the only person in the world who feels this way.  I have friends,  and other mom's who blog, unknown acquaintances who also struggle with this same stuff.  I'm not the only one who struggles and struggles and fails at being "SUPERMOM".

I don't have to be "SUPERMOM"!  I don't have a magic cape, I can't fly, I'm not Mary Poppins and IT's OKAY!

Whew...wow...did I finally admit it!

That's the heart of it, I have to let go of my desire to be perfect.

I'm not perfect, I'm not amazing, I'm not the best...I'm just me.

Sometimes I do things really really well.  Sometimes I don't do things very well.

I thought of it like this...

I can be a good cook....but I can also be a good kitchen cleaner so I want to cook more!

I can be a great mom...and I can let the little things slide and inspire my children in their inspirations.

I can be a good teacher...and I can also have an off day...but I am not defined by my failure.

I can be a good motivator...and ASK for help!

I can be weak....I can't carry the load alone.

It's just too Hard to do things alone...and it's just too hard to do things in my own strength...I've been again seeing that only be allowing myself to be weak and frail and asking for help and asking for God's help am I truly able to get through the day and work at being the best mom, wife, teacher and friend I can be.

It's hard to admit your not as great as you want to be, but at the same time it is a very freeing experience!

31 days and Counting

Can you believe that January is over?

I can't, I mean this month has flown by.  Tomorrow is the first day of February and so it's time to evaluate my goals.

Some questions that I have asked myself today, as I thought about what I should write. 

Have I made progress?  Yes,

I feel that I am making good progress on where my focus needs to be.  I need to live in the moment, to chose to look on the positive and not get caught up in the wrongness of things.  I need to embrace life and not get bogged down or obsessed when I am not doing the right thing.

Am I still in the same place?  No,

When the new year started I was in a low place.  I'm moving up the mountain, I'm not at the top by any means and I slip down from time to time but I'm emotionally feeling better, I'm also not as tired.  The toddler is sleeping much better and that is helping in so many ways!  

I've also experienced some good changes at work this month.  I am back to working 40 hours a week(38.5 after breaks)  and a new classroom.  So far, it seems to be a good fit and I am having fun bringing things in the classroom and trying to play dynamic lessons...I will have to blog about the stressful year I had at the beginning and how this is much better but this is not the time or place...

What do I still need to work on?

Everything!

I haven't mastered any of it yet.  It's very easy for me to slip back into the pettiness of it all, to that place where I don't like who I am.  That selfish state of being and wanting everything to go my way and to be magically fixed.

What is my goal for the upcoming month?

Love.

Love is my goal for February...I think it is fitting with Valentines Day and all.  

I want my family to feel and understand that I love them for who they are, not what they do for me.  I need to be an example of love to my husband and the kids.  I need to appreciate them and show them love.

Sometimes I am not the most loving and I need to work on this.  To love without condition, without strings attached.  To show love and be loved in return, to have a selfless love the way God loves me.  Love is important and it is my goal for the upcoming month.

How about you friends? 

Has January been an uplifting month?

Have you made progress on your goals?

Please feel free to comment or encourage as we endeavor to make 2013 a great year!

The Unexpected You Didn't Know You Needed

Ever had that moment when you can't believe something has happened?  

Totally unexpected and scary?  

That moment when you say...no this is wrong, this can't be happening.

I've had them...2 really stand out for me...and those are the moments when I found out I was having my first and third child.

I'm "Miss I Gotta Plan" at least that's what the Husband calls me.  See, when we met I had a plan and marriage and children weren't in them...I mean I wanted to get married and I wanted kids just not till further down the road.

Well, I met Dan, and within a year we were married.  It was fine, this could work with my plan...no big deal, right?  We talked kids but thought after 3 or 4 years of marriage...good plan right...no, not the plan God had for us, we were pregnant in 3 months...yes I said months, and Janea was born 18 days of our first anniversary.

She was unexpected...especially since I didn't know gender and I was convinced she was a boy...but she was needed.

God knew I needed a daughter.  He knew I needed that person who would push my buttons, who would challenge me to stay on my toes as her mother.  He knew I needed a daughter so I could see what type of child I was for my parents, He knew I needed her to help make me humbler.  I needed Janea, I didn't know it at the time but I did and I do and I am thankful for her.

Fast forward nearly 10 years.  I like to say I don't make long term plans, just short term ones...but I thought I was done having kids.  I had my girl, Janea,  I had my boy, Jaron, and I was approaching a great point in motherhood, it had gotten easier again.  The kids were very self-sufficient, behaved well in public, and we had fun hanging out with them.  It was a great place to be...I was job hunting again due to a school closing and I was just tired....thought it was stress then realized something...

Yup, pregnant!  I couldn't believe it...why now?  Why?  I was devastated and frustrated.  I couldn't believe this was happening.  

Pregnancy is a lot harder in your 30's than in your 20's!  I was overwhelmed, stressed and unsure of what was going to happen.  But here came Jayden...

I'm still trying to figure him out.  I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I have 3 kids and one of them is a toddler!  It's challenging.  But I know that God never gives us something we don't need or something that He doesn't have a plan for.  I just don't know what the plan is...I don't know why he decided to bless us with another little person.  I just need to raise him to know God.

I won't lie, motherhood is hard and tough and sometimes I want to throw in the towel and move to Tahiti!  Especially on long nights with sick kids or kids who are not sleeping.     I'm still trying to figure out how to be the best mom to all my kids....it's a challenge.

I've been working on my attitude and embracing fun things with my kids...

Some new joys with Jayden include:
watching Yo Gabba Gabba with him
giggles and hugs and tickles and him asking for more!
Asking about his day at school and having him respond more and more.
Seeing him enjoy and interact with his toys and siblings!

Some fun with the big kids include:
Nerf gun wars,
Big kid movies and books
Long conversations about important things.
Having them help more around the house without me nagging them!

It's all about knowing that even though things are unexpected, the One who sends them to you is never, ever surprised!

You might have a toddler

...if your living room is filled with crumbs and toys...you might have a toddler.

...if you have to go around a big wheel to get into the kitchen....you might have a toddler.

...if you can make up verses to songs so that you aren't singing the same thing all the time...you might have a toddler.

...if you put 2 socks on one foot just so you can get the kid out of the house....you might have a toddler.

...if you know the difference between one syllable words that all sound like MOK....you might have a toddler.

...if you don't need to look down to read your child's favorite book...you might have a toddler.

...if you have brought a child into your bed and then moved to their bed because they are kicking you out of your bed...you might have a toddler.

...if you deliberately send him into his brother or sisters room so you can have a moments peace and quiet...you might have a toddler.

...if you do a happy dance at naptime...you might have a toddler.

...if the warning label says "might cause drowsiness" and you are disappointed when it doesn't work...you might have a toddler.

...if you look forward to going out to the grocery store with your husband without the kids...you might have a toddler.

...if you get as wet as your child during bathtime...you might have a toddler.

...if a sick day constitutes taking a nap during naptime but you also change diapers, fix lunches, and allow the kid to watch TV...you might have a toddler.

...if you get nervous when their is no noise and you go to investigate and find this.... 
You definitely have a toddler!

Fail

I did it again.  I fell into my bad habits and became that person I don't really like...

FAIL

I snapped, I screamed, I got really mean....

FAIL

I'm frustrated easily, I'm angry for no reason...

FAIL

I'm trying again to do it all in my strength...

FAIL

I hate failing, I hate being this angry person who is not happy at home.  I'm happy outside of my house, or at least I put up a brave front.  I hate feeling like I am not good enough.

I struggle with little things...like keeping a clean house.  I have a super hard time with this.  I am just not good at it.  Add in 4 more people and I feel like I'm drowning sometimes.  I don't know how other mom's do it.  I don't know how some people ALWAYS have a clean house...I can't seem to do it.  The piles and crumbs must multiple faster at my house than at other peoples houses!

I read people's blogs and I know often one only puts on the blog the good and happy but I see the corners of houses and they don't look like mine and I think...how come I can't do that!  What is wrong with me.  It's like the airbrushing they do on magazine ads...I know it's not perfect and I know that they have struggles that I may not have but still I wonder.

I think if they can do it why can't I?  What is wrong with me?  Why is this such a struggle?  WHY?  WHY??  WHY????

That's the true root of it for me the..Why?  Why am I dwelling on the negative rather than the positive?  Why is the glass half empty instead of half full?  Why is the discouragement of life bringing me down?  Why am I seeing only the bad instead of the good?  Where is the contentment that I should have instead of the I want's and the gimmies (which I honestly hate coming from others)?

I think it all comes back to contentment.  Why am I not content with what I have been given?  Why am I resentful of the gifts that I have been given?  Why am I angry at the place I am in instead of overflowing with gratitude for all the things I have?   

It's simple and hard to answer this question...the WHY of it all is this ugly thing at the root....SELFISHNESS.

I'm SELFISH...scary thought huh..admitting to yourself that you are something like this.  It's true, the more I think about it, this is the root of some of my issues.

I'm selfish of my sleep...so I get angry when I am woken up...even if it's too a very sweet little boy who only wants to hug and snuggle with his mama.

I'm selfish of my time...I would much rather read a book or watch some TV than clean something.

I'm selfish of my food...I only want to cook and eat what I want.  I then want the kitchen to clean itself so I don't have to do...I want what I want!

I'm selfish.  Deep down I think that I am better or more worthy because my focus is on the SELF.  

How bout you?  Are you struggling with the Selfishness that is imbred in all humanity...that thinking that we are better than others and that our wants and desires should be at the forefront?  

I'm struggling with it...but I have named it...often when I name the issue it makes it easier to conquer it.  It's still a struggle but hopefully I can work on making this problem, these struggles begin to go away.   

It goes back to Overcoming and Moving Forward.  

I took 2 steps backward today and I Failed.  Boo...but I will continue and work on moving again AHEAD...embracing Today...and being a more content and happy individual.

Conquering Today

It's all about the Today of it all.

That's what I am working for and working on.  The enjoyment of Today!

Today is...

now

here

real

present

achievable

conceivable

doable

necessary

So I am conquering Today.

In little ways, with small changes, finding peace in the decisions I make and the responsibilities that I face.

Ways I have conquered today:

Joy...put a smile on and embrace happy.  Find things that you can smile about even though you want to scream, pout, or cry!  

Sing a Silly Song...if something isn't working, sing a song about it and it might change.  It doesn't have to be a pretty song or make sense sometimes singing just makes it all better!

Dance  if you hear a beat, feel a rhythm do a little dance...I have the worst dance moves but it can be a stress relief and make it all better!

Take a deep breathe....like I say to my students..."Smell the popcorn, blow out the candle"  in other words "in through the nose, out through the mouth!"

Put on your big girl panties and just deal...sometimes you just can't fix it...oh well, don't let it absorb you!

So I let today happen, I smiled, I laughed I enjoyed.  And it was good.  I also gave some random high fives and tried to be an encouragement rather than a downer.

So today was good.  And I liked it.

I cooked food I enjoyed for dinner from no recipe and it wasn't bad, and I have leftover rice for lunch.

I took a break at work and read a book in a comfy chair and enjoyed a small snack.  An easy 15 minute recharge.

I stopped sweating the small stuff and just took responsibility and made notes for the future.  And it will be okay.

I'm getting ready to end the day and I am feeling pretty good.  I like that!  

Thanks be to God for a good day!

Toddler Tales: Tubes in, Noid's Out!

I've decided to add some new segments to the blog.  I really enjoy stories from other mom's and I thought that I would add some of the fun that we have with the Toddler...thus I birthed the idea of Toddler Tales. 

However today's tale will not be a funny tale but a record of a medical procedure.

It was dark outside...my early morning alarm clock on my phone started buzzing and I thought to myself..."why is this going off so early, then I remembered...we have to be at the hospital by 6:30 so I better get up"...20 minutes later I finally actually get up.  I'm tired, I haven't slept well at all, I've been rather keyed up knowing that tomorrow is a big day for the Toddler...he's getting Tubes put in and having his adenoids taken out.  I finally fell into a deep sleep after 3 and then the alarm went off at 5:00!  

I get up, get dressed, and find that Jayden is already awake. An hour earlier than normal, he must realize that something is going on today.  So we go on our ritual morning adventure of making sure everyone is still home...they are, the only other one up is Dan, and he is getting ready for work.  I've make lunches for the big kids and put them on the kitchen table, remind everyone of what needs to be done before school and made sure the big kids are awake and then I leave with Jayden, we are off to Grandma's to pick her up before we head to Harrisonville and the hospital.

I pick up my mom at 6:10 and we head south.  The 20 minute drive to Harrisonville seems longer than normal in the dark, it's pitch black and I'm tired, Jayden is happy in the back seat and isn't aware of what will be happening in a little over an hour.  It's nice to have company of another adult, Dan and I had decided to have him work today and me tomorrow, and we would take turns and today is my turn. I know he is worried but we are trusting and praying that everything will be okay. I'm very grateful my mom is with me and the conversation is keeping me  distracted.

We pull into the hospital parking lot at 6:30, it's really empty, there are not alot of people at the hospital yet.  We get our stuff out of the car and walk into the building.  A man behind the front desk says, "Tubes surgery?"  We reply, "yes".  He then comments on he figured since the only time little ones come in so early is usually on Thursday's(this is the day that the ENT does surgery) and today is Thursday so we must be here to get tubes in Jayden's ears.  

We are escorted to the surgery section and check in, it doesn't take long and I had made sure to have our ID and cards very easily accessible.  Mom and Jayden look at a book while we wait, we have our choice of seats in the waiting room, as we are the first ones.  We wait maybe 5 minutes and then we are escorted back to the prep room.


It's a nice little room and the nurse who will be taking care of us is super nice.  She goes over everything with us and we make sure we know his weight and height and by this point Jayden is starting to wonder what is going on. I try and distract him with my phone on my camera

Here's a picture we took on Grandma waiting and helping to keep Jayden happy.

The other is of Jayden as he has on his gown and is getting prepped, he really didn't like the gown and by the time it was time for him to go back he had taken it off.  He ended up not wearing the gown for the surgery, just his pants and socks!  Poor baby!



By this point, we have met with the Anesthesiology doctor and nurse, Dr. Luce our ENT and met lots of nurses.  I have signed that I understand what is happening and what to expect and that I trust the doctors and nurses to provide excellent care.   I have confirmed my babies identity and my identity and we are ready for the surgery.  

The moment I have been worried about is here.   I breathe a silent prayer, kiss him on the cheek and pass him to the nurse who whisks him away to the operating room.  He is reaching for me and calling "Mama, Mama, and crying,"  It's hard to see him leave but I know he needs this procedure and I have peace.  

Mom and I head to the waiting room.   We have around 45 minutes before we will hear anything, so we head to get a drink from the cafeteria and use the restroom and then we sit and wait for the surgery to be over.  About 35 minutes later, Dr. Luce comes out and lets us know the procedure went well, he did have an infection behind his left ear and he had huge adenoids.  She lets us know he may be cranky and what to expect and that we will get to see him soon.  

Poor baby!  Groggy after surgery.

10-15 minutes go by and I go and use the restroom one more time before we go back to him.  After another 10 minutes I am a little bit anxious and then they finally let me go back to my baby.  He is awake!  Poor thing,he is groggy, disoriented and not happy at all.  He is drinking apple juice and coming around and the nurses say he is doing well.  I get to hold and snuggle him and make sure that he gets some calories in him.  We text Daddy and Grandpa and let them know he is okay. And then we finish the recovery process.

By 9:25 we are able to go home.  At 9:30 we are in the car leaving the parking lot.  In and out in 3 hours.  I take my mom home and then Jayden and I go home to hang out and feel better.  

We eat, drink and play.  Take a long afternoon nap and with the exception of get cranky and fussy faster he seems to be doing pretty well.  He'll be home a few more days and then we will go back to our normal routines of life!

It's the Little Things...

you take for granted until they don't work and then they become a big thing. 

For example a dryer.  A working dryer none the less.  My dryer stopped working abruptly a few weeks ago, I opened the door and there was a flash of green light and then all of a sudden it wouldn't start.  I got upset, I frantically called Dan as if talking to him would magically fix it, I got angry, I got frustrated...I was going to laundry by golly and this wasn't in my plan...and I had wet stuff in the washer too boot!

Well, long story short, the dryer is now working again.  It was the door switch and Dan and I were able to fix it ourselves.  We also only had to go to the laundry mat once in the meantime and I was able to stay ahead of the laundry by hanging some of it on lines in the basement.

So today I am thankful for my working dryer, I am very grateful for air dried towels that are more fluffy than line dried ones that  are very crunchy and I am happy we were able to fix it ourselves!

Re-Inventions

Wow!  Here it is 2013 and I have a new year ahead of me.

I have a blank calendar, a blank slate as it were to fill with my life.  I've been pondering this over the last few days:

What do I want this year to look like?  

What do I want to change?  

What do I NEED to change?

What will my focus for the year be?

I've been struggling recently, really struggling.  My focus has been shifted, my mood low, I'll admit it, I'm in a Valley...a deep valley, a dark valley at times.  It's been painful, and I have been not the nicest or loving person to my family.  I've been very focused on ME.  I've been very focused on the WHY ME's, "why isn't my life better, why doesn't anyone help me. why doesn't anyone take care of me".  Selfish isn't it, and yet sometimes I feel like I am justified in my thinking.  

This is my yard as the kids were building snowmen yesterday....really not pretty, this is how I've been feeling lately, really not pretty...run over as it were.

I take care of the household, I take care of the bills, I get up every night with a toddler who somehow forgot how to sleep all night 3 months ago...sometimes he's up once, sometimes he's up twice, if I am really unlucky I end up sleeping with him.  I do what feels like everything...and I'm tired.  

I'm tired.  That's the truth, I am emotionally, spiritually and physically tired.  Like I said, I'm in a low place...but I am going to be climbing the mountain.  I'm going to get out of this valley.  I'm going to change my focus.

Today is the first day of a new year and a good way to look ahead...Forward as it were....I need to put the past in the past and stop dragging it out and wallowing over it.  I can't change it, I can't, it's in the past...I can only work on TODAY.  Today is where I am...the present.  I can look ahead to the future but what I am doing TODAY is what will impact the future.  I have no perfect crystal ball that will show me what the future holds.  I'm not to worry about tomorrow, I'm not to fret about yesterday, I need to focus on TODAY!.  I need to look for the good and happy things in today.  I need to relish the small things and not get too caught up in the I wishes, the I needs, the why's of it all.  I need to be CONTENT.

I've claimed a passage of Scripture for the year.  It's going to be a tough one to follow but I believe it is a necessary one.  I took it out of my favorite book in the Bible.   I feel like this book is written for me...it's the book of Philippians.  It's a book about Joy and Rejoicing in what the Lord has done for us.  Too often I get focused on the bad and not look at the good, and it affects how people look at me and the impact I have on those around me.  I'm going to focus and work to fulfill this simple command...
  "Do all things without grumbling or disputing so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God about reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation among whom you appear as lights in the world."

Easy enough huh....hah!  I'm a champion when it comes to complaining!  I'm the queen bee as it were...but not anymore...I'm going to look at enjoying life again!

Will you join me on my journey?  Will you choose like me to put the ugly and selfish behind us and focus on the Forward Journey of Today.   Will you look for things to be happy about?  Things for which to be thankful and find meaning even in the menial, small, overlooked tasks.  

Come and join me, it may not be an easy journey but I am praying that it will be a meaningful one.

It snowed yesterday....a really pretty snow...covering the brown and dead things in the yard...a nice focus on New Years Eve.

Stressful September

Can you believe it's been a month since I last posted?

I can't....I've been so super busy and this honestly been unable to find a good time to sit and update.  Jayden is in bed early so I can post.

Kids:

Janea., where to start?  Busy with school and all the craziness that goes along with the 7th grade.  I am not ready to have a child in the throes of teenagedom....it's a challenge and a blessing all wrapped into one.  It's crazy how much life changes from 6th grade to 7th grade.  We also have a bunch of youth group fun added and now it seems like life is hitting with both barrels all the time.  She is also a super big help with her younger brother and Dan and I have started to be able to go out and leave Jayden with her(locally of course) and gets some alone time.

Jaron...he turns 10 in less than a month!  What is this...can't believe how old he is and how he is also maturing.  We are in 4th grade, great at math, getting better at language arts and enjoying life.  We are working on finding not electronic ways to entertain ourselves.!

Jayden...17 months of energy, spitfireness and busyness.  He is learning new words and songs, really enjoying school and thinks his Daddy hung the moon!

Parents:

Dan is busy with work and working on some new and exciting endeavors.  That's all I can say right now.

I've been super busy at work and dealing with craziness of all sorts.  I have a really great class but we are struggling with some challenges, and I dealt with a HORRIBLE coworker for 3 weeks.  Things have gotten better since the coworker has been let go, but life is just generally busy and I am struggling with understanding how to balance home life, and work in a toddler friendly manner!

A Tale of 2 Sickies

It was the month of August, year 2012.  The children had had a wonderful summer full of fun, swimming, and other merriment.  School was upon us, the youngest starting his very first school at the tender age of 1.  The older 2 starting a week or so later.  The first day back for the big ones.   It was a challenging morning but not terrible, we got to school, we made it okay....Mom had arranged for a switch of schedule and all was good until that afternoon.  Sickness struck!  The poor young toddler had a fever, a high fever of 102 degrees.  We thought and pondered...Is it teeth?  A delayed reaction to a vaccination?  What could it be.  The mother decided that we needed the next day to figure it out so she called in sick.  The night was long, the baby didn't sleep well, so neither did Mama.  The next day, the child refused to eat, was cranky and what is this??  Foul discharge from one ear...this did not bode well and so the mother called the father who came home from work and off they went to the doctor.  The doctor confirmed, there is something amiss in the ear, he feared that an item had gotten stuck inside.....not risking making it worse he sent the couple and son off to the ENT....a specialist to help with the ear....an hour later they were seen by the ENT who determined that the item in the ear was nothing more than dead skin cells, puss and other grossness which she was able to suction out.  So the child was on an antibotic and within 2 days feeling much better.

Time passed, life returned to normal.  The eldest child, a girl, was wrapped up in fun and excitement with friends, spending multiple nights away from home.  Upon returning from her second night away she complained of pain in the throat and of a headache that was problematic.  We thought nothing of it, she's tired, there were dogs in the residence of friends, it's probably nothing and she slept the afternoon away.  Upon waking and getting ready for an evening of worship and praise at church she complained of not feeling good.  The mother kissed her forehead and thought she felt warm.  A taking of the temperature revealed that yes the daughter had a fever.  She remained home and rested hoping beyond hope that she would be able to attend school the next day.  Alas, the morning sprung and she was found to still be with fever and her throat was exceptionally sore.  She remained home from school for the day and once the father returned home they ventured off to the Dr. to see if there was something more serious going on.  Its true, it is more serious a case of Strep Throat.  So the daughter is also on an antibiotic and looking forward to feeling much better.

Now the question is...will the middle child join the youngest and the eldest and make this a tale of 3 sickies?

True or False

...I have a headache right now.

...change is on the horizon and while I can see it taking shape I don't know if I will like the outcome of said change.

...it's 100 degrees or higher outside and I am tired of it.

...I'm struggling with the ages and stages of my children.

...I sometimes feel underappreciated by the members of my family.

...bills make me stressed.

...Jayden is walking around the house with a broom and does this daily!

...Jaron is super sweet at times and super frustrating at other times.

...I've been using the same brand of deoderant since high school.

...I need to moisturize.

....I am thankful for dollar store flip flops and wear them practically every day.

...I forgot a load of laundry in the washer for 4 days.

...my hands hurt from cutting out small pieces of stuff.

All of the above is absoluetly true....not a falsehood in the bunch...and that's okay.

Hello? Anyone still here?

I have been away from the old blog for over a month.  Wow!  I have always posted at least once a month and I didn't post at all in the month of May.   And I realized I do miss blogging.  My life has changed though I don't find myself with the time I used to have to both read the blogs of others and update mine the way I once did.  I blame the addition of another child, a full time job, a husband who works the same shift as me and just the busyness of life. 
I've been thinking about what I want to blog about and I think I will use it now for pictures and other things that are important in our life and leave the mundane stuff for awhile.  I'm also not going to be as whiny...you don't need to read about my ups and downs...I may also address topics that are important to me and post fun projects that I do in my preschool class as a tool to one help me remember and help other teachers who may need help.

So here's what is up with us:

SUMMER...but not a break from school. I am working Monday-Thursday while the kids are in summer school and we get 3 day weekends.  So we will get to swim and have fun at the pool on the weekends and be busy with school during the week.

WALKING...Jayden is full on walking, almost running and getting into EVERYTHING! 

TODDLERDOM...boy I forgot what life with a toddler is like.  WOW! It's crazy at our house...Jayden is a busy boy, a screamy boy, a give me what I want or I will throw a fit boy, a fun boy, needs his routine boy and I am working on adapting life to fit around his routine rather than the other way around....otherwise we are all frustrated at the end of the day.

VACATION...we are not taking a true vacation but the big kids are going camping with their grandparents and Dan and I are going to hang out with them and get away for an overnight.  It will be good!

So that's a brief update...will post pictures soon.

Magnet Fun

I was going to write a really profound post on how fast this year seems to be zipping by...but I'm not now.  No, I've been distracted by my 10 month soon to be 11 month old.  He is currently sitting on the kitchen floor with a shoebox full of magnet and he is having the time of his life!  So many colors, pieces and things to do!  Is it going to be a mess...probably, does it worry me, not really...is it keeping him occupied...definitely and that's a good thing.

Jayden is a busy, busy boy.  I've forgotten this phase of life.  My older kids are busy but now you can direct that into other stuff.  Right now Jaron is playing a new Wii game and Janea is off entertaining herself in her room listening to the radio and either reading or working on a project and that is good.  It's nice to have a minute of peace where he is entertaining himself and not looking for attention.  So later we will pick up the magnets and get them out again later. 

I love my kids, but I do get tired of having to keep someone busy all the time.  Oh, gotta go....Jayden is now done with the magnets....