Ever had that moment when you can't believe something has happened?
Totally unexpected and scary?
That moment when you say...no this is wrong, this can't be happening.
I've had them...2 really stand out for me...and those are the moments when I found out I was having my first and third child.
I'm "Miss I Gotta Plan" at least that's what the Husband calls me. See, when we met I had a plan and marriage and children weren't in them...I mean I wanted to get married and I wanted kids just not till further down the road.
Well, I met Dan, and within a year we were married. It was fine, this could work with my plan...no big deal, right? We talked kids but thought after 3 or 4 years of marriage...good plan right...no, not the plan God had for us, we were pregnant in 3 months...yes I said months, and Janea was born 18 days of our first anniversary.
She was unexpected...especially since I didn't know gender and I was convinced she was a boy...but she was needed.
God knew I needed a daughter. He knew I needed that person who would push my buttons, who would challenge me to stay on my toes as her mother. He knew I needed a daughter so I could see what type of child I was for my parents, He knew I needed her to help make me humbler. I needed Janea, I didn't know it at the time but I did and I do and I am thankful for her.
Fast forward nearly 10 years. I like to say I don't make long term plans, just short term ones...but I thought I was done having kids. I had my girl, Janea, I had my boy, Jaron, and I was approaching a great point in motherhood, it had gotten easier again. The kids were very self-sufficient, behaved well in public, and we had fun hanging out with them. It was a great place to be...I was job hunting again due to a school closing and I was just tired....thought it was stress then realized something...
Yup, pregnant! I couldn't believe it...why now? Why? I was devastated and frustrated. I couldn't believe this was happening.
Pregnancy is a lot harder in your 30's than in your 20's! I was overwhelmed, stressed and unsure of what was going to happen. But here came Jayden...
I'm still trying to figure him out. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I have 3 kids and one of them is a toddler! It's challenging. But I know that God never gives us something we don't need or something that He doesn't have a plan for. I just don't know what the plan is...I don't know why he decided to bless us with another little person. I just need to raise him to know God.
I won't lie, motherhood is hard and tough and sometimes I want to throw in the towel and move to Tahiti! Especially on long nights with sick kids or kids who are not sleeping. I'm still trying to figure out how to be the best mom to all my kids....it's a challenge.
I've been working on my attitude and embracing fun things with my kids...
Some new joys with Jayden include:
watching Yo Gabba Gabba with him
giggles and hugs and tickles and him asking for more!
Asking about his day at school and having him respond more and more.
Seeing him enjoy and interact with his toys and siblings!
Some fun with the big kids include:
Nerf gun wars,
Big kid movies and books
Long conversations about important things.
Having them help more around the house without me nagging them!
It's all about knowing that even though things are unexpected, the One who sends them to you is never, ever surprised!