Baby it's Cold Outside!

Brr...winter is upon us!  It's cold and cold, and cold.

I don't like cold.

Jaron doesn't care if it's cold or not.

He loves snow, he is praying for snow and heading out to play in it as much as possible whenever it does snow.

We got Jaron a sled for Christmas this year...and between our little hill at the house and the big hills nearby he is going to have a lot of fun....provided I take him and don't freeze to death!

It's going to be an interesting Winter!

So Long 2013....Hello 2014! Let's Be Better!

Okay, I'm a horrible blogger...but I am starting fresh again!

So here it is 2014!  I have to retrain my fingers to type that new number, try and remember to write in on my checks and other items and all around just figure it all out...by the time that happens usually the year is half over!

Last year at this time I was feeling very low.

This year I'm feeling pretty good.  I'm feeling more motivated, ready to face the year ahead and make some changes for the better of the family.

My word for the year is Better as in do everything a little bit better than you did the year or day before.

This hopefully will be fun.  Some areas I want to be better:

• I want to be a better wife.  To give and be the help that my husband needs and to help him be a better husband to me.  We have been married coming on 15 years this June and I think that no matter how good things may be we can definitely be Better.
• I want to be a better mom.  I want to teach my children, love my children and help them to grow to be better kids.  This is doable and a growing experience all in one!
• I want to be a better eater.  I need to up my fruits, vegetables and healthy foods and limit my bad habits.
• I want to be a better exerciser...here's how I hope to do that

I had Dan move the treadmill upstairs and into the living room.  If I see it everyday I will be more likely to walk on it instead of putting it off when it's in the basement.

• I want to be a better housekeeper.  This is an area I really struggle with...so again, it will be baby steps but if I am better today than I was yesterday than my house will be better off for it!
• I want to be a better teacher.  I'm a good teacher but there is always room for improvement!
• I want to be a better blogger and not fall off writing in May or June and not pick it up for a long time.  I was better last year than the year before but I can definitely do better.

So that's my goal for the year...to be Better.  What's your goal?  How will you be better?

Looking at the Calendar

I looked at the calendar and realized that I am a very bad blogger as I last posted in June and now it's ALMOST JULY!

Can we say busy?

Yes we can!

This has been a very busy summer!

So Far this summer:

The kids have gone camping twice.  Jaron caught 1 fish, Janea 3 fish.  They had a great time with their grandparents and I am grateful for the time they have with them.

The Firstborn well, she is now officially a TEENAGER!  I am not old enough to have a teenager!  I can't believe how mature and awesome she is and I am looking forward to seeing how she will grow and change.

Dan and I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary by going out for a steak dinner and seeing Monster's University without the kids.!  It's amazing how far we have come in our marriage and seeing how much better friends and partners we are as the years go by.

We spent the 4th with friends and had fun lighting off fireworks and such, Jayden isn't a huge fan of the noise though.

Jayden has moved into pullups and we are beginning the potty training process.

School starts for me the 5th but for the big kids on the 15th.  So we are gearing up for the new school year and hoping we get everything done!

It's a crazy life, but it's mine!

A Parenting Perk

This month we hit the start of a milestone year...the year where we will have a 2 year old, an 11 year old, and an "official" Teenager...13!

I'll be honest, I'm a little bit intimidated by the the layers of parenting this brood.

We are now juggling tantrums, school projects, school activities, boys looming on the horizon, and the never ending driving to this event and that event.

I will admit though it has it perks.  We have a built in babysitter(if her schedule allows)  case in point  last night.

Yesterday and every Friday my class at school is very CRAZY!  We have 8 very loud boys in the class and they are very crazy and by Friday it's brace yourself, and hold on for dear life!  It was extra crazy yesterday.  And I was kidded out...literally.

So Dan and I talk frequently as we drive home for work and I suggested that I could use a night off this weekend if Janea was game to watch the boys...he had had a very busy week as well and was also in need of some spouse time so he volunteered to get her from Drama practice and then informed her of the plan.

I had enough Papa Johns' reward points for a free pizza!  The kids love pizza so that was their dinner...I just payed for extra cheese sticks on the side.  Dinner for them, under 10 bucks!

Dan and I enjoyed a nice meal out without the kids.  It was nice to talk and chat in the car, to enjoy a meal with no real interruptions and me not having to think about cooking something!

An hour and a half off.  It was nice, it was really nice and it basically cost us very little for babysitting...a pizza dinner and new ear buds for Janea.

I'm very appreciative of a daughter who is willing to babysit and allow us as parents some much needed time off as a thank you for all we do for her!

Toddler Fun

Tonight, Jayden and I played in his room and we did the following:

• Built a train set, took it apart, remade it, and then drove a car on it....bububububub...
• Climbed on the bed and spun in circles(I didn't do this but sat and watched)
• Hid 2 legos in a blanket bucket and then hid ourselves in the bucket and then covered mommy up and said peek a boo
• Cooked some imaginary food and shoved it in mommy's mouth...(still working on the concept of gentle)
• Sang Ring around the Rosie about a 100 times and got dizzy and fell down.
• Shared kisses and hugs
• Got into jammies

Now he just needs to go to bed, cuz mommy is TIRED!  Jayden is still going strong but boy, I'm tired!

Love My Little Man!

Little Things

I've been feeling rather under appreciated lately and then I am reminded that I matter in little ways:

A mom at work thanked me for writing a simple note on a daily sheet reminding her about a sack lunch being needed.  She would have forgotten otherwise but my note helped her and made her day smoother.

My daughter is on spring break this week and wanted to help mom out by working at preparing dinner for the family.  I helped some but she did quite a lot of it...and it was good!  Thanks to the firstborn for her help tonight!  I appreciate our wanting to help me by doing something I normally do!

The husband made the bed for me, I had taken off the sheets this morning and hadn't yet made the bed and he helped me out by putting the fresh sheet on, new pillowcases, and other things just because he loves me!  I'm looking forward to sleeping in a clean bed tonight.

The toddler is growing up, I can now peek in his classroom and see him throughout the day and he doesn't cry when I leave.  He knows that I am in the building and that I will come and get him when I am done with work and the teachers he is with take good care of him.  It makes the day move much more smoothly.

The 10 year old is going to make a cake tonight,  I am thankful that the kids are learning how to do more and more things and do them well.  I will have to help him but he is capable of doing a lot of it himself!  I'm glad he is growing and maturing.

Looking Back to Look Forward

It's that time again...evaluation time.

It's been another month.  Another goal, another process of seeing if I am better.

Well, I've kinda fallen off the blog wagon...but I have been busy and the toddler has discovered watching TV.

I've been trying to make more time with the hubby so I am off the computer more.

I've been trying to be loving and giving this month and show love even when I am tired, frustrated or being selfish.

See, I'm human and I am not superwoman and I forget that sometimes.

It's been a full and crazy month.

I have shown love, I have been snowed in, I have put others needs before mine.  I have helped in ways I have not thought physically possible.

It's been good, bad and challenging all wrapped into one.

Well, what does March look like...what's the goal....what do I need to work on.

My goal this month is HEALTH.  Being healthy.  Eating healthy, behaving healthy, loving healthy, a good goal.

Hopefully an attainable one.  I'm feeling much healthier mentally but I still have work that needs to be done.  So HEALTH is the goal.

Here's to a good month!

Valentines Day

It has been a week for us.

We have been so busy, so everywhere, so focused on Valentines Day.

Valentines Day....I used to dislike this holiday. I've never been a mushy gushy person.  Don't get me wrong, I feel love, I just don't need Valentines Day to show love to people.

However, this year I embraced my inner Valentines...I put more thought into it and decided to bless Dan in the process.

He knows I love him, I know he loves me.

We do forget to do nice things for each other sometimes so we decided to put thought into our love and show each other love this month.

In honor of  Valentines Day I made him cheesecake...homemade, not from a box, water-bath baked cheesecake.

I've never made cheesecake before...see I don't really like it.  It's okay, but not my favorite.

 

 However, I've recently joined Pinterest, and I found these cute conversation heart cheesecakes and I totally thought I am going to make these for him...so I did and they tasted great, but I couldn't get them out of the pans so they technically were a fail.

I also pulled a Supermom, Superteacher moment and baked full size blueberry muffins for my class and mini muffins for the toddlers class.  I really felt domestic...but we did have to eat McDonalds in order for me to have time to do all these things...I do work you know.

We both worked on V-day and so I crocked pot a Pot Roast for dinner and we enjoyed a quiet evening together on the couch catching up on shows on our DVR...my kind of night.  

On another note, we have found a way to keep the toddler busy...YOUTUBE...especially the yogabbagabba channel...he can watch this on the computer and we can watch other non kid TV...he goes back and forth and enjoys it so I am using it for the moment...

Plus for me....See's Candy....only the best candy in the world...my favorite for Valentines Day!  Thanks dear for the present!  Love ya!

Pondering Rain

"Rain Rain...go away...
Come again some other day"

Remember that rhyme.  I remember growing up in Sunny California and thinking this on some rainy days.  

I used to dislike Rainy days...now I enjoy them.

There is something wonderful about a gentle falling rain.  A good soak for the earth.  There is something fun in splashing in puddles and walking in the rain

We had a very dry summer.  A long drought...hot and dry.  It was not the greatest.

This year we are getting more rain.  

Last night it rained, thundered and hailed.  Spring weather in February!  I love the sound of rain on the roof.

It made me think of my journey.

Rain is good....tears are good.  Sadness is helpful.  Blessings come in unexpected ways.

The song above is one that has touched me many times especially when I am feeling down or low.  Sometimes pain and trials are God's way of making me a stronger vessel to serve him.  Sometimes when things are hard I need to look for the blessing instead of the pain.

Sometimes I have to serve my family instead of demanding they serve me.  It's about being a blessing and being blessed.

I hope you are blessed and being a blessing to others today!  

Be willing

Sometimes things change and you have to be flexible. 

Sometimes you won't have things fall into place the way that you want it to go.

Sometimes no matter how hard you try it just isn't working and you have to do something else to fix it.

I've been dealing with this over the last few months at work.

I had BIG GOALS for the year...yes I am "Miss I Gotta Plan" but while I am a Lead teacher we co-teach at my school.

My plans and my co-teachers implementation of those plans wasn't happening.  I mean I had 2 co-teachers at the beginning of the school year, within 4 weeks it was apparent that one of them was not going to work out.  This teacher wasn't pulling their weight, and didn't have their heart in the job.  Within 6 weeks this teacher was no longer working with me.

The other co-teacher started out strong but quickly spiraled into a never ending pile of complaining and feeling overwhelmed.  I was dealing with 24 children and a co-teacher who couldn't seem to help me fix the room.  She tried, I will say that for her, she worked really hard, but I feel like she was overwhelmed.  So the room suffered, I suffered, I was stressed, I was Failing bad at this.  It was hard, it was exhausting and I felt like I was drowning in a sea of I'm not doing a good enough job.

My bosses needed to make changes, staff was hired, hours were changed and I got to regroup.  I became a member of a team of 4.  I went to part-time hours and got to spend more time with Jayden and got my house more under control.  I got to regroup, but I also went to a low place emotionally, I mean I often find my identity by my job...I am Miss Erin, the teacher, what would I be if I am not that.

I was tired, stressed, and feeling like a failure.  I was in that low place.  That unhappy place that I am working so hard to pull myself out of right now.  

The break helped.  I was able to guide the team and get them comfortable, I was able to do a good job at work and regroup.  I was able to feel needed and I was much less stressed!

During the 1st week of January, my boss told me that she might need to move me to another room.  By the 2nd week I received an email letting me know that I was needed in another room and that I would be back to full time hours..

So here I am back to working 38.5 hours a week.  I am able to do what I love, teach young children.  I am not in the age that I prefer but they are a good group of kiddos.  I'm team teaching with a young woman who is a behavioral specialist.  She takes the data, she helps with the behavior management plans and I get to do what I love, plan fun and exciting lessons, create meaningful art, talk about fun things and bring my input into the classroom.

It's good.  However, if I hadn't been willing to take a step back and grow from the experience of another mom, who is also my boss, I might have missed out on the growth that I am having and be in a totally different place that might not be as good.

That's one thing I am trying to do this year.  I'm trying to learn to Be Willing.  

I need to be willing to see how I can grow from criticism.  More often then not, it will help me to be better.

I need to be willing to let go and not try to make something work, to ask for help when I need it!

I need to be willing to stretch myself and see that a change can be a good thing, not a punishment.

I need to be willing to smile, to put on a happy face when I might not want to!

I need to be willing to be used as God would want me to be, to see His guiding hand and TRUST Him to be in control of the situation.

Are you ready to be willing too?  I hope so.  It's a challenge but exciting all at the same time!

Loving the Unlovable

We all know that person who just can push your buttons faster than you would like.

They are annoying, they are obnoxious, they are self centered, they are just not someone you like to be around.

I have one of these in my life right now.  We attend the same church

This person also really likes me or just doesn't see how she annoys me.

Don't get me wrong, she is a very sweet girl.  She loves people, and she loves Jesus and she love my family.  She tries to be helpful and I appreciate that on one hand, but on the other hand, I just want to turn the other direction and not interact with her at all!

I think God has placed her in my life because he wants me to learn how to LOVE.

according to I Corinthians 13 Love is this...

• patient,
• kind,
• not jealous, 
• not a braggart,
• not arrogant, 
• does not act unbecomingly, 
• does not seek its own,
• is not provoked, 
• does not take into account a wrong,
• does not rejoice in unrighteousness, 
• rejoices in the truth,
• bears all things, 
• believes all things, 
• hopes all things, 
• love never fails.

When I am around her I will admit I am not these things but I am praying that I will be.  I have to love those who are unlovable to me, just as others need to love me when I am unlovable.  

I was probably not the most lovable when I was younger, I have days when I am not the most lovable now but that is no excuse for me not to love.  

It's my desire to be loving to all who need to be loved, whether I find them lovable or not...even if its not always what I find the easiest thing to be doing!

IT's JUST TOO HARD

"This is impossible"

"I can't stand this"

"I don't want to do this, it's just too hard"

These statements I have heard this morning coming from my living room.

And no, I didn't say them, I overheard them.

The 10 year old is working on cleaning up the living room....and the mess its bad, really bad, and I offered to pay him but he really doesn't want to do it.

He's frustrated, and I understand, I'm there with him.

However, I am stopping playing the martyr.  I'm not going to let him give up, and I am not going to do it for him.  He needs to learn, and I need to guide him to do his best and accomplish the task.

My life has been like this...full of frustrations and hurts and complaints of it just being way to hard!

I've gained some hope though,  it's hard, yes, it's hard...and I am not the only person in the world who feels this way.  I have friends,  and other mom's who blog, unknown acquaintances who also struggle with this same stuff.  I'm not the only one who struggles and struggles and fails at being "SUPERMOM".

I don't have to be "SUPERMOM"!  I don't have a magic cape, I can't fly, I'm not Mary Poppins and IT's OKAY!

Whew...wow...did I finally admit it!

That's the heart of it, I have to let go of my desire to be perfect.

I'm not perfect, I'm not amazing, I'm not the best...I'm just me.

Sometimes I do things really really well.  Sometimes I don't do things very well.

I thought of it like this...

I can be a good cook....but I can also be a good kitchen cleaner so I want to cook more!

I can be a great mom...and I can let the little things slide and inspire my children in their inspirations.

I can be a good teacher...and I can also have an off day...but I am not defined by my failure.

I can be a good motivator...and ASK for help!

I can be weak....I can't carry the load alone.

It's just too Hard to do things alone...and it's just too hard to do things in my own strength...I've been again seeing that only be allowing myself to be weak and frail and asking for help and asking for God's help am I truly able to get through the day and work at being the best mom, wife, teacher and friend I can be.

It's hard to admit your not as great as you want to be, but at the same time it is a very freeing experience!

31 days and Counting

Can you believe that January is over?

I can't, I mean this month has flown by.  Tomorrow is the first day of February and so it's time to evaluate my goals.

Some questions that I have asked myself today, as I thought about what I should write. 

Have I made progress?  Yes,

I feel that I am making good progress on where my focus needs to be.  I need to live in the moment, to chose to look on the positive and not get caught up in the wrongness of things.  I need to embrace life and not get bogged down or obsessed when I am not doing the right thing.

Am I still in the same place?  No,

When the new year started I was in a low place.  I'm moving up the mountain, I'm not at the top by any means and I slip down from time to time but I'm emotionally feeling better, I'm also not as tired.  The toddler is sleeping much better and that is helping in so many ways!  

I've also experienced some good changes at work this month.  I am back to working 40 hours a week(38.5 after breaks)  and a new classroom.  So far, it seems to be a good fit and I am having fun bringing things in the classroom and trying to play dynamic lessons...I will have to blog about the stressful year I had at the beginning and how this is much better but this is not the time or place...

What do I still need to work on?

Everything!

I haven't mastered any of it yet.  It's very easy for me to slip back into the pettiness of it all, to that place where I don't like who I am.  That selfish state of being and wanting everything to go my way and to be magically fixed.

What is my goal for the upcoming month?

Love.

Love is my goal for February...I think it is fitting with Valentines Day and all.  

I want my family to feel and understand that I love them for who they are, not what they do for me.  I need to be an example of love to my husband and the kids.  I need to appreciate them and show them love.

Sometimes I am not the most loving and I need to work on this.  To love without condition, without strings attached.  To show love and be loved in return, to have a selfless love the way God loves me.  Love is important and it is my goal for the upcoming month.

How about you friends? 

Has January been an uplifting month?

Have you made progress on your goals?

Please feel free to comment or encourage as we endeavor to make 2013 a great year!

The Unexpected You Didn't Know You Needed

Ever had that moment when you can't believe something has happened?  

Totally unexpected and scary?  

That moment when you say...no this is wrong, this can't be happening.

I've had them...2 really stand out for me...and those are the moments when I found out I was having my first and third child.

I'm "Miss I Gotta Plan" at least that's what the Husband calls me.  See, when we met I had a plan and marriage and children weren't in them...I mean I wanted to get married and I wanted kids just not till further down the road.

Well, I met Dan, and within a year we were married.  It was fine, this could work with my plan...no big deal, right?  We talked kids but thought after 3 or 4 years of marriage...good plan right...no, not the plan God had for us, we were pregnant in 3 months...yes I said months, and Janea was born 18 days of our first anniversary.

She was unexpected...especially since I didn't know gender and I was convinced she was a boy...but she was needed.

God knew I needed a daughter.  He knew I needed that person who would push my buttons, who would challenge me to stay on my toes as her mother.  He knew I needed a daughter so I could see what type of child I was for my parents, He knew I needed her to help make me humbler.  I needed Janea, I didn't know it at the time but I did and I do and I am thankful for her.

Fast forward nearly 10 years.  I like to say I don't make long term plans, just short term ones...but I thought I was done having kids.  I had my girl, Janea,  I had my boy, Jaron, and I was approaching a great point in motherhood, it had gotten easier again.  The kids were very self-sufficient, behaved well in public, and we had fun hanging out with them.  It was a great place to be...I was job hunting again due to a school closing and I was just tired....thought it was stress then realized something...

Yup, pregnant!  I couldn't believe it...why now?  Why?  I was devastated and frustrated.  I couldn't believe this was happening.  

Pregnancy is a lot harder in your 30's than in your 20's!  I was overwhelmed, stressed and unsure of what was going to happen.  But here came Jayden...

I'm still trying to figure him out.  I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I have 3 kids and one of them is a toddler!  It's challenging.  But I know that God never gives us something we don't need or something that He doesn't have a plan for.  I just don't know what the plan is...I don't know why he decided to bless us with another little person.  I just need to raise him to know God.

I won't lie, motherhood is hard and tough and sometimes I want to throw in the towel and move to Tahiti!  Especially on long nights with sick kids or kids who are not sleeping.     I'm still trying to figure out how to be the best mom to all my kids....it's a challenge.

I've been working on my attitude and embracing fun things with my kids...

Some new joys with Jayden include:
watching Yo Gabba Gabba with him
giggles and hugs and tickles and him asking for more!
Asking about his day at school and having him respond more and more.
Seeing him enjoy and interact with his toys and siblings!

Some fun with the big kids include:
Nerf gun wars,
Big kid movies and books
Long conversations about important things.
Having them help more around the house without me nagging them!

It's all about knowing that even though things are unexpected, the One who sends them to you is never, ever surprised!

Comfortable

Just because something is comfortable doesn't mean its attractive or right.

I'm not a hug fan of this show but Stacy London and Clinton Kelly bash peoples arguments that wearing what you find comfortable doesn't mean that you are always presenting your best side.  

When things get uncomfortable or you get pulled away from the comfort of it all you are more likely to make a change...either for the positive or the negative.    

My life is sometimes comfortable and sometimes not comfortable.

I'm very comfortable with who I am outside my house.

At work I am defined by my job, a teacher.  The children in my room love me, I plan fun lessons and enjoy teaching little people new things.  I know I have a start time, a finish time and I do my best to be the best I can be.  It's as easy as that...I'm comfortable.

I'm not always as comfortable at home.

At home, I feel like I have to be everything to everybody, I have to be able to see everything that is going on, fix every problem, change everything that needs to be done.  It a big role and I feel like I don't do it great every time.  When this happens I begin to feel like a failure.

I let my weakness be what I focus on...not who I am or what I do right.

I get comfortable with being discontent.  I feel uncomfortable by my weakness and I then I get stressed out by my life.

I need to work on being content with my weakness, to not be defined by my failures or shortcoming but to embrace what I do well.

Today I conquered life by:

• breaking my chores into manageable pieces and relishing in the victory of something getting accomplished!
• saw my sister, got to appreciate the skill with which she has been gifted in painting and art and now have loveliness to see on my walls.
• cooking a meal I enjoy eating and savoring the flavors of the food and knowing that my family enjoys it as well!

It's been a good day full of ups and downs and twists and turns but I didn't let myself get comfortable with falling into my old habits!  And for that I am thankful!

Conquering Today

It's all about the Today of it all.

That's what I am working for and working on.  The enjoyment of Today!

Today is...

now

here

real

present

achievable

conceivable

doable

necessary

So I am conquering Today.

In little ways, with small changes, finding peace in the decisions I make and the responsibilities that I face.

Ways I have conquered today:

Joy...put a smile on and embrace happy.  Find things that you can smile about even though you want to scream, pout, or cry!  

Sing a Silly Song...if something isn't working, sing a song about it and it might change.  It doesn't have to be a pretty song or make sense sometimes singing just makes it all better!

Dance  if you hear a beat, feel a rhythm do a little dance...I have the worst dance moves but it can be a stress relief and make it all better!

Take a deep breathe....like I say to my students..."Smell the popcorn, blow out the candle"  in other words "in through the nose, out through the mouth!"

Put on your big girl panties and just deal...sometimes you just can't fix it...oh well, don't let it absorb you!

So I let today happen, I smiled, I laughed I enjoyed.  And it was good.  I also gave some random high fives and tried to be an encouragement rather than a downer.

So today was good.  And I liked it.

I cooked food I enjoyed for dinner from no recipe and it wasn't bad, and I have leftover rice for lunch.

I took a break at work and read a book in a comfy chair and enjoyed a small snack.  An easy 15 minute recharge.

I stopped sweating the small stuff and just took responsibility and made notes for the future.  And it will be okay.

I'm getting ready to end the day and I am feeling pretty good.  I like that!  

Thanks be to God for a good day!

It's the Little Things...

you take for granted until they don't work and then they become a big thing. 

For example a dryer.  A working dryer none the less.  My dryer stopped working abruptly a few weeks ago, I opened the door and there was a flash of green light and then all of a sudden it wouldn't start.  I got upset, I frantically called Dan as if talking to him would magically fix it, I got angry, I got frustrated...I was going to laundry by golly and this wasn't in my plan...and I had wet stuff in the washer too boot!

Well, long story short, the dryer is now working again.  It was the door switch and Dan and I were able to fix it ourselves.  We also only had to go to the laundry mat once in the meantime and I was able to stay ahead of the laundry by hanging some of it on lines in the basement.

So today I am thankful for my working dryer, I am very grateful for air dried towels that are more fluffy than line dried ones that  are very crunchy and I am happy we were able to fix it ourselves!

Re-Inventions

Wow!  Here it is 2013 and I have a new year ahead of me.

I have a blank calendar, a blank slate as it were to fill with my life.  I've been pondering this over the last few days:

What do I want this year to look like?  

What do I want to change?  

What do I NEED to change?

What will my focus for the year be?

I've been struggling recently, really struggling.  My focus has been shifted, my mood low, I'll admit it, I'm in a Valley...a deep valley, a dark valley at times.  It's been painful, and I have been not the nicest or loving person to my family.  I've been very focused on ME.  I've been very focused on the WHY ME's, "why isn't my life better, why doesn't anyone help me. why doesn't anyone take care of me".  Selfish isn't it, and yet sometimes I feel like I am justified in my thinking.  

This is my yard as the kids were building snowmen yesterday....really not pretty, this is how I've been feeling lately, really not pretty...run over as it were.

I take care of the household, I take care of the bills, I get up every night with a toddler who somehow forgot how to sleep all night 3 months ago...sometimes he's up once, sometimes he's up twice, if I am really unlucky I end up sleeping with him.  I do what feels like everything...and I'm tired.  

I'm tired.  That's the truth, I am emotionally, spiritually and physically tired.  Like I said, I'm in a low place...but I am going to be climbing the mountain.  I'm going to get out of this valley.  I'm going to change my focus.

Today is the first day of a new year and a good way to look ahead...Forward as it were....I need to put the past in the past and stop dragging it out and wallowing over it.  I can't change it, I can't, it's in the past...I can only work on TODAY.  Today is where I am...the present.  I can look ahead to the future but what I am doing TODAY is what will impact the future.  I have no perfect crystal ball that will show me what the future holds.  I'm not to worry about tomorrow, I'm not to fret about yesterday, I need to focus on TODAY!.  I need to look for the good and happy things in today.  I need to relish the small things and not get too caught up in the I wishes, the I needs, the why's of it all.  I need to be CONTENT.

I've claimed a passage of Scripture for the year.  It's going to be a tough one to follow but I believe it is a necessary one.  I took it out of my favorite book in the Bible.   I feel like this book is written for me...it's the book of Philippians.  It's a book about Joy and Rejoicing in what the Lord has done for us.  Too often I get focused on the bad and not look at the good, and it affects how people look at me and the impact I have on those around me.  I'm going to focus and work to fulfill this simple command...
  "Do all things without grumbling or disputing so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God about reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation among whom you appear as lights in the world."

Easy enough huh....hah!  I'm a champion when it comes to complaining!  I'm the queen bee as it were...but not anymore...I'm going to look at enjoying life again!

Will you join me on my journey?  Will you choose like me to put the ugly and selfish behind us and focus on the Forward Journey of Today.   Will you look for things to be happy about?  Things for which to be thankful and find meaning even in the menial, small, overlooked tasks.  

Come and join me, it may not be an easy journey but I am praying that it will be a meaningful one.

It snowed yesterday....a really pretty snow...covering the brown and dead things in the yard...a nice focus on New Years Eve.

Mr. Gardener

Dan is Topsy Turvy Gardening on our deck and Jayden loves to go out and help Daddy water!

A Good Day

Happy Anniversary to Us!  We have made it to this lucky number!

 It's hard to believe that we have been married for 13 years!  Sometimes it feels like we were getting married yesterday and othertimes it feels like we have been married forever!  This year for our anniversary we decided to spend the day together, just us, no kid!  YEAH!!!  Been quite awhile since we have done that.  Janea and Jaron are busy with Summer School and Jayden already goes to the sitter's everyday so it was a no brainer...Dan and I each took the day off and we just hung out!  I love getting to do that!  We decided it made more since to celebrate on the day before our anniversary since it's a Tuesday this year and it would be weird to work a day, take off a day and then work the rest of the week.  So we enjoyed a 3 day weekend.

Our day was full of delightful things like going to...

 If you have kids you know that a bookstore is not a fun place to be with children who do not read for longer than 15-20 minutes.  Dan and I enjoyed looking at books in a wide variety of sections, wishing we had more money to spend on books, and actually being able to read backs and covers without fear of what the kids might do.  We were in the store for over an hour and had a delightful time!  We only spent 15 dollars but we had a nice relaxing time in the bookstore...I love bookstores!

We then went and saw a movie.  Yes we saw a movie that was probably kid appropriate but so much more enjoyable without children.  Plus, I had a gift card from a student, it was an early morning matinee so it was FREE!!!!  I love FREE!!!  We enjoyed seeing Men in Black III and would recommend it to others.

After the movie we went and enjoyed fajitas at one of our favorite restaurants.

 YUMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I am super happy and blessed to be married to a great guy and looking forward to many more years and fun times together!