Loving the Unlovable

We all know that person who just can push your buttons faster than you would like.

They are annoying, they are obnoxious, they are self centered, they are just not someone you like to be around.

I have one of these in my life right now.  We attend the same church

This person also really likes me or just doesn't see how she annoys me.

Don't get me wrong, she is a very sweet girl.  She loves people, and she loves Jesus and she love my family.  She tries to be helpful and I appreciate that on one hand, but on the other hand, I just want to turn the other direction and not interact with her at all!

I think God has placed her in my life because he wants me to learn how to LOVE.

according to I Corinthians 13 Love is this...

• patient,
• kind,
• not jealous, 
• not a braggart,
• not arrogant, 
• does not act unbecomingly, 
• does not seek its own,
• is not provoked, 
• does not take into account a wrong,
• does not rejoice in unrighteousness, 
• rejoices in the truth,
• bears all things, 
• believes all things, 
• hopes all things, 
• love never fails.

When I am around her I will admit I am not these things but I am praying that I will be.  I have to love those who are unlovable to me, just as others need to love me when I am unlovable.  

I was probably not the most lovable when I was younger, I have days when I am not the most lovable now but that is no excuse for me not to love.  

It's my desire to be loving to all who need to be loved, whether I find them lovable or not...even if its not always what I find the easiest thing to be doing!

Fail

I did it again.  I fell into my bad habits and became that person I don't really like...

FAIL

I snapped, I screamed, I got really mean....

FAIL

I'm frustrated easily, I'm angry for no reason...

FAIL

I'm trying again to do it all in my strength...

FAIL

I hate failing, I hate being this angry person who is not happy at home.  I'm happy outside of my house, or at least I put up a brave front.  I hate feeling like I am not good enough.

I struggle with little things...like keeping a clean house.  I have a super hard time with this.  I am just not good at it.  Add in 4 more people and I feel like I'm drowning sometimes.  I don't know how other mom's do it.  I don't know how some people ALWAYS have a clean house...I can't seem to do it.  The piles and crumbs must multiple faster at my house than at other peoples houses!

I read people's blogs and I know often one only puts on the blog the good and happy but I see the corners of houses and they don't look like mine and I think...how come I can't do that!  What is wrong with me.  It's like the airbrushing they do on magazine ads...I know it's not perfect and I know that they have struggles that I may not have but still I wonder.

I think if they can do it why can't I?  What is wrong with me?  Why is this such a struggle?  WHY?  WHY??  WHY????

That's the true root of it for me the..Why?  Why am I dwelling on the negative rather than the positive?  Why is the glass half empty instead of half full?  Why is the discouragement of life bringing me down?  Why am I seeing only the bad instead of the good?  Where is the contentment that I should have instead of the I want's and the gimmies (which I honestly hate coming from others)?

I think it all comes back to contentment.  Why am I not content with what I have been given?  Why am I resentful of the gifts that I have been given?  Why am I angry at the place I am in instead of overflowing with gratitude for all the things I have?   

It's simple and hard to answer this question...the WHY of it all is this ugly thing at the root....SELFISHNESS.

I'm SELFISH...scary thought huh..admitting to yourself that you are something like this.  It's true, the more I think about it, this is the root of some of my issues.

I'm selfish of my sleep...so I get angry when I am woken up...even if it's too a very sweet little boy who only wants to hug and snuggle with his mama.

I'm selfish of my time...I would much rather read a book or watch some TV than clean something.

I'm selfish of my food...I only want to cook and eat what I want.  I then want the kitchen to clean itself so I don't have to do...I want what I want!

I'm selfish.  Deep down I think that I am better or more worthy because my focus is on the SELF.  

How bout you?  Are you struggling with the Selfishness that is imbred in all humanity...that thinking that we are better than others and that our wants and desires should be at the forefront?  

I'm struggling with it...but I have named it...often when I name the issue it makes it easier to conquer it.  It's still a struggle but hopefully I can work on making this problem, these struggles begin to go away.   

It goes back to Overcoming and Moving Forward.  

I took 2 steps backward today and I Failed.  Boo...but I will continue and work on moving again AHEAD...embracing Today...and being a more content and happy individual.

Grumpy

I feel like Grumpy today.  I'm grouchy and I want to be disagreeable and angry.  However I am trying to follow through on my goals and not be grumbling and disputing.  But I really  want to be, I want things my way...I want stuff to go the way I want.  So this is how I am trying to change my thinking about my irritations....and I will be working on this all day, because I really don't want to be doing it.

1.  I'm tired...Jayden was up a lot last night and needing extra snuggles.  Instead of whining about this I will try to take a nap this afternoon and be grateful that my little boy still wants and needs me.  Plus, he is still recovering from his surgery and probably was in pain  and I know this is a temporary deal...hopefully when he is all recovered he will sleep through the night again.

2.  I couldn't find what I was looking for easily...Dan and Janea are off getting hair cuts this morning and we were sent a coupon in the mail in December.  I couldn't find it...until the last minute but I did find it!  So instead of grumbling, I need to refine my system and not make piles...piles are where things get lost, I need to have a place for everything and everything in it's place.

3.  A tornado has blown through my house...again.  I can't seem to keep this place clean.  It's a never ending battle and I'm just not good at it.  Well, instead of complaining I will get the kids to help me and try to figure out how to  eliminate the problems...like the cups of pens that Jayden seems to spill constantly and the never ending battle with packaging...maybe I need to make more food from scratch.  I'm grateful that I can work on the house while I do laundry today at home since my dryer is fixed that's one less battle!

That's a little bit of where I am this morning, hopefully things will improve as the day goes on...but I definitely need an attitude adjustment this morning.