Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Loving Even when its Exhausting

Nothing is more exhausting to a mom then a sick kid.

Kids don't get sick at convenient times, at least mine don't.

My kids usually get sick in the middle of the night, or during a week when Dan and I can't switch off who stays home, so I am home with them, jeopardizing my good standing at work.  Or they get sick when they have a huge competition or something fun at school.

The toddler is sick...fever, congestion, coughing, crankiness.

He has spiked a fever in the middle of the night the last two nights, waking me up and then having trouble going back to sleep.

I feel bad for him, and at the same time, I'm exhausted!  I'm up with him, snuggling, giving Tylenol or ibuprofen, getting a drink, helping him fall back asleep.  Then just when I am sleeping again, the alarm goes off and I have to start the day, getting the big kids and Dan off to work, determining if I am going to work, checking temperatures.

Yesterday, he woke up fever free so I thought it might have been a fluke of a fever so we went to school, only to go home an hour early because he had a fever.  It didn't go down to normal even with Tylenol yesterday so I called in last night knowing it was probably going to be another long night.

It was, Jayden fell asleep okay but woke up 3 and a 1/2 hours later with a very high temperature.  He needed drinks, more medicine, and just wasn't able to fall back asleep for around 2 hours.

I could have been angry...and I will be honest I was frustrated.  However, he can't help being sick, he can't meet his own needs, he is too little.  I just have to love and be loving even though it  isn't what I want to do.  I have to put myself aside and give love.  I have to love even when my son may not be the most lovable or friendly, when he is cranky and hurting.

I think this is kind of how God is with us.  We often are needy and demanding, frustrating and challenging, but He never turns us away.  He is that loving Father that meets our needs and helps us through our challenges and loves us no matter what.

I'm thankful for that truth.

Praying my little man feels better soon!  Also looking forward to naptime and getting a little bit of extra rest myself!

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Valentines Day

It has been a week for us.

We have been so busy, so everywhere, so focused on Valentines Day.

Valentines Day....I used to dislike this holiday. I've never been a mushy gushy person.  Don't get me wrong, I feel love, I just don't need Valentines Day to show love to people.

However, this year I embraced my inner Valentines...I put more thought into it and decided to bless Dan in the process.

He knows I love him, I know he loves me.

We do forget to do nice things for each other sometimes so we decided to put thought into our love and show each other love this month.

In honor of  Valentines Day I made him cheesecake...homemade, not from a box, water-bath baked cheesecake.

I've never made cheesecake before...see I don't really like it.  It's okay, but not my favorite.
 However, I've recently joined Pinterest, and I found these cute conversation heart cheesecakes and I totally thought I am going to make these for I did and they tasted great, but I couldn't get them out of the pans so they technically were a fail.

I also pulled a Supermom, Superteacher moment and baked full size blueberry muffins for my class and mini muffins for the toddlers class.  I really felt domestic...but we did have to eat McDonalds in order for me to have time to do all these things...I do work you know.

We both worked on V-day and so I crocked pot a Pot Roast for dinner and we enjoyed a quiet evening together on the couch catching up on shows on our kind of night.  

On another note, we have found a way to keep the toddler busy...YOUTUBE...especially the yogabbagabba channel...he can watch this on the computer and we can watch other non kid TV...he goes back and forth and enjoys it so I am using it for the moment...

Plus for me....See's Candy....only the best candy in the favorite for Valentines Day!  Thanks dear for the present!  Love ya!

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Pondering Rain

"Rain Rain...go away...
Come again some other day"

Remember that rhyme.  I remember growing up in Sunny California and thinking this on some rainy days.  

I used to dislike Rainy I enjoy them.

There is something wonderful about a gentle falling rain.  A good soak for the earth.  There is something fun in splashing in puddles and walking in the rain

We had a very dry summer.  A long and dry.  It was not the greatest.

This year we are getting more rain.  

Last night it rained, thundered and hailed.  Spring weather in February!  I love the sound of rain on the roof.

It made me think of my journey.

Rain is good....tears are good.  Sadness is helpful.  Blessings come in unexpected ways.

The song above is one that has touched me many times especially when I am feeling down or low.  Sometimes pain and trials are God's way of making me a stronger vessel to serve him.  Sometimes when things are hard I need to look for the blessing instead of the pain.

Sometimes I have to serve my family instead of demanding they serve me.  It's about being a blessing and being blessed.

I hope you are blessed and being a blessing to others today!  

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Be willing

Sometimes things change and you have to be flexible. 

Sometimes you won't have things fall into place the way that you want it to go.

Sometimes no matter how hard you try it just isn't working and you have to do something else to fix it.

I've been dealing with this over the last few months at work.

I had BIG GOALS for the year...yes I am "Miss I Gotta Plan" but while I am a Lead teacher we co-teach at my school.

My plans and my co-teachers implementation of those plans wasn't happening.  I mean I had 2 co-teachers at the beginning of the school year, within 4 weeks it was apparent that one of them was not going to work out.  This teacher wasn't pulling their weight, and didn't have their heart in the job.  Within 6 weeks this teacher was no longer working with me.

The other co-teacher started out strong but quickly spiraled into a never ending pile of complaining and feeling overwhelmed.  I was dealing with 24 children and a co-teacher who couldn't seem to help me fix the room.  She tried, I will say that for her, she worked really hard, but I feel like she was overwhelmed.  So the room suffered, I suffered, I was stressed, I was Failing bad at this.  It was hard, it was exhausting and I felt like I was drowning in a sea of I'm not doing a good enough job.

My bosses needed to make changes, staff was hired, hours were changed and I got to regroup.  I became a member of a team of 4.  I went to part-time hours and got to spend more time with Jayden and got my house more under control.  I got to regroup, but I also went to a low place emotionally, I mean I often find my identity by my job...I am Miss Erin, the teacher, what would I be if I am not that.

I was tired, stressed, and feeling like a failure.  I was in that low place.  That unhappy place that I am working so hard to pull myself out of right now.  

The break helped.  I was able to guide the team and get them comfortable, I was able to do a good job at work and regroup.  I was able to feel needed and I was much less stressed!

During the 1st week of January, my boss told me that she might need to move me to another room.  By the 2nd week I received an email letting me know that I was needed in another room and that I would be back to full time hours..

So here I am back to working 38.5 hours a week.  I am able to do what I love, teach young children.  I am not in the age that I prefer but they are a good group of kiddos.  I'm team teaching with a young woman who is a behavioral specialist.  She takes the data, she helps with the behavior management plans and I get to do what I love, plan fun and exciting lessons, create meaningful art, talk about fun things and bring my input into the classroom.

It's good.  However, if I hadn't been willing to take a step back and grow from the experience of another mom, who is also my boss, I might have missed out on the growth that I am having and be in a totally different place that might not be as good.

That's one thing I am trying to do this year.  I'm trying to learn to Be Willing.  

I need to be willing to see how I can grow from criticism.  More often then not, it will help me to be better.

I need to be willing to let go and not try to make something work, to ask for help when I need it!

I need to be willing to stretch myself and see that a change can be a good thing, not a punishment.

I need to be willing to smile, to put on a happy face when I might not want to!

I need to be willing to be used as God would want me to be, to see His guiding hand and TRUST Him to be in control of the situation.

Are you ready to be willing too?  I hope so.  It's a challenge but exciting all at the same time!

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Loving the Unlovable

We all know that person who just can push your buttons faster than you would like.

They are annoying, they are obnoxious, they are self centered, they are just not someone you like to be around.

I have one of these in my life right now.  We attend the same church

This person also really likes me or just doesn't see how she annoys me.

Don't get me wrong, she is a very sweet girl.  She loves people, and she loves Jesus and she love my family.  She tries to be helpful and I appreciate that on one hand, but on the other hand, I just want to turn the other direction and not interact with her at all!

I think God has placed her in my life because he wants me to learn how to LOVE.

according to I Corinthians 13 Love is this...
  • patient,
  • kind,
  • not jealous, 
  • not a braggart,
  • not arrogant, 
  • does not act unbecomingly
  • does not seek its own,
  • is not provoked, 
  • does not take into account a wrong,
  • does not rejoice in unrighteousness, 
  • rejoices in the truth,
  • bears all things, 
  • believes all things, 
  • hopes all things, 
  • love never fails.
When I am around her I will admit I am not these things but I am praying that I will be.  I have to love those who are unlovable to me, just as others need to love me when I am unlovable.  

I was probably not the most lovable when I was younger, I have days when I am not the most lovable now but that is no excuse for me not to love.  

It's my desire to be loving to all who need to be loved, whether I find them lovable or not...even if its not always what I find the easiest thing to be doing!

Saturday, February 2, 2013


"This is impossible"

"I can't stand this"

"I don't want to do this, it's just too hard"

These statements I have heard this morning coming from my living room.

And no, I didn't say them, I overheard them.

The 10 year old is working on cleaning up the living room....and the mess its bad, really bad, and I offered to pay him but he really doesn't want to do it.

He's frustrated, and I understand, I'm there with him.

However, I am stopping playing the martyr.  I'm not going to let him give up, and I am not going to do it for him.  He needs to learn, and I need to guide him to do his best and accomplish the task.

My life has been like this...full of frustrations and hurts and complaints of it just being way to hard!

I've gained some hope though,  it's hard, yes, it's hard...and I am not the only person in the world who feels this way.  I have friends,  and other mom's who blog, unknown acquaintances who also struggle with this same stuff.  I'm not the only one who struggles and struggles and fails at being "SUPERMOM".

I don't have to be "SUPERMOM"!  I don't have a magic cape, I can't fly, I'm not Mary Poppins and IT's OKAY! I finally admit it!

That's the heart of it, I have to let go of my desire to be perfect.

I'm not perfect, I'm not amazing, I'm not the best...I'm just me.

Sometimes I do things really really well.  Sometimes I don't do things very well.

I thought of it like this...

I can be a good cook....but I can also be a good kitchen cleaner so I want to cook more!

I can be a great mom...and I can let the little things slide and inspire my children in their inspirations.

I can be a good teacher...and I can also have an off day...but I am not defined by my failure.

I can be a good motivator...and ASK for help!

I can be weak....I can't carry the load alone.

It's just too Hard to do things alone...and it's just too hard to do things in my own strength...I've been again seeing that only be allowing myself to be weak and frail and asking for help and asking for God's help am I truly able to get through the day and work at being the best mom, wife, teacher and friend I can be.

It's hard to admit your not as great as you want to be, but at the same time it is a very freeing experience!