Being the Good One

I enjoy being the good one...the good student, the good child, the good mom, the good wife. There is something rewarding in being "good" that feeling of having done your best and done well. Yet at the same time, there is that question of"why?" Why am I being good? Why should I do this... does it really make a difference.? I like getting the pat on the back that tells me that I am doing a most excellent job.

Yet there are days when I fail...I get a bad grade, I am rude or disheartening to someone, I forget to put the lunch I packed into a child's backpack because I am running late, I forget to move something, I leave my shoes in an inopportune place. It's at these times I get really defensive and fight back..."well, you didn't notice all the times I didn't forget"...or..."I do everything else around here, can't you just cut me a little bit of slack?" instead of being sorry or remorseful and strive to do better. Yet it seems like the good is under appreciated and the negative is stressed so much.

I'm dealing with this right now...I often feel like a failure because I struggle with maintaining an organized home. I justify the mess by saying that I am tired or the like....I am also struggling with helping another with a happy heart. I mowed the lawn today...that isn't my typical job...it's Dan's but he was working on a different project this weekend and didn't get to it...and the grass was getting really long. We don't want to get written up by our housing community so I took advantage of the lack of rain and mowed the lawn. I honestly don't think that he will notice, or say anything. Plus, we don't currently have a power mower but an old fashioned push mower so it's a hard job...and I want to so badly tell him what I did so I can get that Thank you...but that's not my place to do...it's his... it's not important who did the job just that the job got done but I am tired and want to be appreciated.

I shouldn't be serving my family to get those moments praise or thanks...it because it's my role as the wife and mother to serve my family. I don't need to have praise to do the right thing..Makes me think of those verses about the freedom of salvation...it doesn't matter what I do...God sent Christ to be my Savior because of His love for me not because of anything I could have done, said or anything...when you put it in that perspective makes us look mighty puny. Makes any lawn mowing or house cleaning look really small in comparison with Eternity.

"Not by works of Righteousness which we have done but according to His Mercy He saved us!"