So Long 2013....Hello 2014! Let's Be Better!

Okay, I'm a horrible blogger...but I am starting fresh again!

So here it is 2014!  I have to retrain my fingers to type that new number, try and remember to write in on my checks and other items and all around just figure it all out...by the time that happens usually the year is half over!

Last year at this time I was feeling very low.

This year I'm feeling pretty good.  I'm feeling more motivated, ready to face the year ahead and make some changes for the better of the family.

My word for the year is Better as in do everything a little bit better than you did the year or day before.

This hopefully will be fun.  Some areas I want to be better:

• I want to be a better wife.  To give and be the help that my husband needs and to help him be a better husband to me.  We have been married coming on 15 years this June and I think that no matter how good things may be we can definitely be Better.
• I want to be a better mom.  I want to teach my children, love my children and help them to grow to be better kids.  This is doable and a growing experience all in one!
• I want to be a better eater.  I need to up my fruits, vegetables and healthy foods and limit my bad habits.
• I want to be a better exerciser...here's how I hope to do that

I had Dan move the treadmill upstairs and into the living room.  If I see it everyday I will be more likely to walk on it instead of putting it off when it's in the basement.

• I want to be a better housekeeper.  This is an area I really struggle with...so again, it will be baby steps but if I am better today than I was yesterday than my house will be better off for it!
• I want to be a better teacher.  I'm a good teacher but there is always room for improvement!
• I want to be a better blogger and not fall off writing in May or June and not pick it up for a long time.  I was better last year than the year before but I can definitely do better.

So that's my goal for the year...to be Better.  What's your goal?  How will you be better?

It's time to put down some thoughts...

I feel the need to write today.

I haven't felt like writing for a long time.  

I've been BUSY....I mean super busy....I mean so busy that at times I can't believe how busy I am.

It's hard to write when you are busy.

When I am busy I tend to complain, and when I write when I am busy I post more complaints than anything at that shouldn't happen.

So no complaining...just commenting.

I've enjoyed the fall...with the exception of getting sick.

See I lost my voice...a major part of who I am is my voice.  I talk a lot being a teacher, I also sing a lot and I was unable to do that.  It was rough.

It was also good I think.

I'll tell you why...I had to listen more.

I had to stand and understand that it's okay to be quiet.

It's hard to be quiet...it's hard to not speak when you like to talk.

But it's good, its necessary and it's revealing.

I'm trying to be quiet more...to listen, to think, to be okay with the stillness.

So I'm trying to adapt, to change and to be quieter...it's hard, I'm a loud person but I think it will be good!

I'm Quirky and I know it

Today I realized that I am really a weird person for many different ways...and I am cool with that....

I like ICE cold water BUT I prefer my soft drinks lukewarm and room temperature.

I love playing outside and being in the great outdoors BUT I don't like the smell of children after they play outside.

I hate having cold feel at night BUT I can't sleep in socks...I will kick them off in the middle of the night.

I hate listening to people snore BUT I can't sleep if I can't hear a fan because I worry that the air will be too still and I will suffocate.

I love snuggles and hugs BUT I hate them from little feverish bodies and then I feel bad because that is when they need them most.

I love Spring and Summer and warm weather BUT if I have a sunburn I get really resentful of them.

I know in the grand scheme of things these things don't really matter but I do find them a little interesting as I continue the journey of improving myself.

Little Things

I've been feeling rather under appreciated lately and then I am reminded that I matter in little ways:

A mom at work thanked me for writing a simple note on a daily sheet reminding her about a sack lunch being needed.  She would have forgotten otherwise but my note helped her and made her day smoother.

My daughter is on spring break this week and wanted to help mom out by working at preparing dinner for the family.  I helped some but she did quite a lot of it...and it was good!  Thanks to the firstborn for her help tonight!  I appreciate our wanting to help me by doing something I normally do!

The husband made the bed for me, I had taken off the sheets this morning and hadn't yet made the bed and he helped me out by putting the fresh sheet on, new pillowcases, and other things just because he loves me!  I'm looking forward to sleeping in a clean bed tonight.

The toddler is growing up, I can now peek in his classroom and see him throughout the day and he doesn't cry when I leave.  He knows that I am in the building and that I will come and get him when I am done with work and the teachers he is with take good care of him.  It makes the day move much more smoothly.

The 10 year old is going to make a cake tonight,  I am thankful that the kids are learning how to do more and more things and do them well.  I will have to help him but he is capable of doing a lot of it himself!  I'm glad he is growing and maturing.

Busyness and other whatnot

So here it has been about 2 weeks and I have fallen off the blog wagon...but not really.  See I've wanted to blog, had some posts in my head but honestly, we have been soooo busy this month!

So here's an update:

I turned 36 on the 6th...yes, 36...and I am old.  This birthday has been rather hard and I really don't like that I am now closer to 40 than 30 and it's mind boggling how old I am.  Dan and the kids took me out for dinner on my birthday and my folks had the kids and I over on the day after my birthday.  

Dan and I decided it was time to get me a new camera for my birthday!  HOORAY!  My other camera wasn't closing in the battery hatch and so I downsized to a small compact point and shoot with more features than my other one and better resolution.  I love getting to play with my new toy!

Friday the 8th Janea had a debate tournament at her school.  They were hosting so judges were needed.  I went to the evening session and judged storytelling and I enjoyed it very much, The firstborn and I didn't get home until rather late though and so the next morning was very tiring as the toddler decided to get up at his normal time!

 On the 9th we had AWANA Grand Prix...and Jaron raced his car...didn't place well but that's okay. Janea and Dan stayed home with Jayden since he and the car race wouldn't have been a good fit.

Sunday the 10th Dan and I got to go to the Matinee performance of Calvary Bible College's Seussical.  It was a lot of fun and nice to be out together without the kids.

 This week was weather week in my classroom and on Monday night I made Rainbow stew for Rainbow day.  The toddler decided that he needed to try it out for me and pose for the camera at the same time

The toddler is fascinated by all things big kid and this week he also decided that he needed to do homework with his brother.  

  

I can't believe my baby is going to be 2 in just under a month.  It's been a crazy busy month and it isn't slowing down at all...but that's a snapshot of my life right now!

Sometimes

Sometimes your plan isn't what you want...but it's sometimes what He has for you.

Sometimes you feel angry or tired...and God is there to help you.

Sometimes you get angry and use inappropriate language...and God gently taps you on the shoulder and reminds you that you are better than that.

Sometimes you feel down and crazy sad...and a song of Praise will lift your Spirit and turn your focus on HIM.

Sometimes you get angry and ask Why?....and sometimes there is no immediate answer, but He is still there.

Sometimes you wonder why you are given something you didn't know you wanted or needed...and God reminds you HE is in control.

Sometimes you can't believe you are getting to be so old and yet you are so young and immature in your thinking...I'm thankful God is not like me.

Sometimes you need to step back, breathe and just be thankful for the life you are given.  I'm that sometime today...thankful that my God is bigger, and greater than anything I can feel, think or wonder.

Be willing

Sometimes things change and you have to be flexible. 

Sometimes you won't have things fall into place the way that you want it to go.

Sometimes no matter how hard you try it just isn't working and you have to do something else to fix it.

I've been dealing with this over the last few months at work.

I had BIG GOALS for the year...yes I am "Miss I Gotta Plan" but while I am a Lead teacher we co-teach at my school.

My plans and my co-teachers implementation of those plans wasn't happening.  I mean I had 2 co-teachers at the beginning of the school year, within 4 weeks it was apparent that one of them was not going to work out.  This teacher wasn't pulling their weight, and didn't have their heart in the job.  Within 6 weeks this teacher was no longer working with me.

The other co-teacher started out strong but quickly spiraled into a never ending pile of complaining and feeling overwhelmed.  I was dealing with 24 children and a co-teacher who couldn't seem to help me fix the room.  She tried, I will say that for her, she worked really hard, but I feel like she was overwhelmed.  So the room suffered, I suffered, I was stressed, I was Failing bad at this.  It was hard, it was exhausting and I felt like I was drowning in a sea of I'm not doing a good enough job.

My bosses needed to make changes, staff was hired, hours were changed and I got to regroup.  I became a member of a team of 4.  I went to part-time hours and got to spend more time with Jayden and got my house more under control.  I got to regroup, but I also went to a low place emotionally, I mean I often find my identity by my job...I am Miss Erin, the teacher, what would I be if I am not that.

I was tired, stressed, and feeling like a failure.  I was in that low place.  That unhappy place that I am working so hard to pull myself out of right now.  

The break helped.  I was able to guide the team and get them comfortable, I was able to do a good job at work and regroup.  I was able to feel needed and I was much less stressed!

During the 1st week of January, my boss told me that she might need to move me to another room.  By the 2nd week I received an email letting me know that I was needed in another room and that I would be back to full time hours..

So here I am back to working 38.5 hours a week.  I am able to do what I love, teach young children.  I am not in the age that I prefer but they are a good group of kiddos.  I'm team teaching with a young woman who is a behavioral specialist.  She takes the data, she helps with the behavior management plans and I get to do what I love, plan fun and exciting lessons, create meaningful art, talk about fun things and bring my input into the classroom.

It's good.  However, if I hadn't been willing to take a step back and grow from the experience of another mom, who is also my boss, I might have missed out on the growth that I am having and be in a totally different place that might not be as good.

That's one thing I am trying to do this year.  I'm trying to learn to Be Willing.  

I need to be willing to see how I can grow from criticism.  More often then not, it will help me to be better.

I need to be willing to let go and not try to make something work, to ask for help when I need it!

I need to be willing to stretch myself and see that a change can be a good thing, not a punishment.

I need to be willing to smile, to put on a happy face when I might not want to!

I need to be willing to be used as God would want me to be, to see His guiding hand and TRUST Him to be in control of the situation.

Are you ready to be willing too?  I hope so.  It's a challenge but exciting all at the same time!

31 days and Counting

Can you believe that January is over?

I can't, I mean this month has flown by.  Tomorrow is the first day of February and so it's time to evaluate my goals.

Some questions that I have asked myself today, as I thought about what I should write. 

Have I made progress?  Yes,

I feel that I am making good progress on where my focus needs to be.  I need to live in the moment, to chose to look on the positive and not get caught up in the wrongness of things.  I need to embrace life and not get bogged down or obsessed when I am not doing the right thing.

Am I still in the same place?  No,

When the new year started I was in a low place.  I'm moving up the mountain, I'm not at the top by any means and I slip down from time to time but I'm emotionally feeling better, I'm also not as tired.  The toddler is sleeping much better and that is helping in so many ways!  

I've also experienced some good changes at work this month.  I am back to working 40 hours a week(38.5 after breaks)  and a new classroom.  So far, it seems to be a good fit and I am having fun bringing things in the classroom and trying to play dynamic lessons...I will have to blog about the stressful year I had at the beginning and how this is much better but this is not the time or place...

What do I still need to work on?

Everything!

I haven't mastered any of it yet.  It's very easy for me to slip back into the pettiness of it all, to that place where I don't like who I am.  That selfish state of being and wanting everything to go my way and to be magically fixed.

What is my goal for the upcoming month?

Love.

Love is my goal for February...I think it is fitting with Valentines Day and all.  

I want my family to feel and understand that I love them for who they are, not what they do for me.  I need to be an example of love to my husband and the kids.  I need to appreciate them and show them love.

Sometimes I am not the most loving and I need to work on this.  To love without condition, without strings attached.  To show love and be loved in return, to have a selfless love the way God loves me.  Love is important and it is my goal for the upcoming month.

How about you friends? 

Has January been an uplifting month?

Have you made progress on your goals?

Please feel free to comment or encourage as we endeavor to make 2013 a great year!

The Unexpected You Didn't Know You Needed

Ever had that moment when you can't believe something has happened?  

Totally unexpected and scary?  

That moment when you say...no this is wrong, this can't be happening.

I've had them...2 really stand out for me...and those are the moments when I found out I was having my first and third child.

I'm "Miss I Gotta Plan" at least that's what the Husband calls me.  See, when we met I had a plan and marriage and children weren't in them...I mean I wanted to get married and I wanted kids just not till further down the road.

Well, I met Dan, and within a year we were married.  It was fine, this could work with my plan...no big deal, right?  We talked kids but thought after 3 or 4 years of marriage...good plan right...no, not the plan God had for us, we were pregnant in 3 months...yes I said months, and Janea was born 18 days of our first anniversary.

She was unexpected...especially since I didn't know gender and I was convinced she was a boy...but she was needed.

God knew I needed a daughter.  He knew I needed that person who would push my buttons, who would challenge me to stay on my toes as her mother.  He knew I needed a daughter so I could see what type of child I was for my parents, He knew I needed her to help make me humbler.  I needed Janea, I didn't know it at the time but I did and I do and I am thankful for her.

Fast forward nearly 10 years.  I like to say I don't make long term plans, just short term ones...but I thought I was done having kids.  I had my girl, Janea,  I had my boy, Jaron, and I was approaching a great point in motherhood, it had gotten easier again.  The kids were very self-sufficient, behaved well in public, and we had fun hanging out with them.  It was a great place to be...I was job hunting again due to a school closing and I was just tired....thought it was stress then realized something...

Yup, pregnant!  I couldn't believe it...why now?  Why?  I was devastated and frustrated.  I couldn't believe this was happening.  

Pregnancy is a lot harder in your 30's than in your 20's!  I was overwhelmed, stressed and unsure of what was going to happen.  But here came Jayden...

I'm still trying to figure him out.  I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I have 3 kids and one of them is a toddler!  It's challenging.  But I know that God never gives us something we don't need or something that He doesn't have a plan for.  I just don't know what the plan is...I don't know why he decided to bless us with another little person.  I just need to raise him to know God.

I won't lie, motherhood is hard and tough and sometimes I want to throw in the towel and move to Tahiti!  Especially on long nights with sick kids or kids who are not sleeping.     I'm still trying to figure out how to be the best mom to all my kids....it's a challenge.

I've been working on my attitude and embracing fun things with my kids...

Some new joys with Jayden include:
watching Yo Gabba Gabba with him
giggles and hugs and tickles and him asking for more!
Asking about his day at school and having him respond more and more.
Seeing him enjoy and interact with his toys and siblings!

Some fun with the big kids include:
Nerf gun wars,
Big kid movies and books
Long conversations about important things.
Having them help more around the house without me nagging them!

It's all about knowing that even though things are unexpected, the One who sends them to you is never, ever surprised!

Comfortable

Just because something is comfortable doesn't mean its attractive or right.

I'm not a hug fan of this show but Stacy London and Clinton Kelly bash peoples arguments that wearing what you find comfortable doesn't mean that you are always presenting your best side.  

When things get uncomfortable or you get pulled away from the comfort of it all you are more likely to make a change...either for the positive or the negative.    

My life is sometimes comfortable and sometimes not comfortable.

I'm very comfortable with who I am outside my house.

At work I am defined by my job, a teacher.  The children in my room love me, I plan fun lessons and enjoy teaching little people new things.  I know I have a start time, a finish time and I do my best to be the best I can be.  It's as easy as that...I'm comfortable.

I'm not always as comfortable at home.

At home, I feel like I have to be everything to everybody, I have to be able to see everything that is going on, fix every problem, change everything that needs to be done.  It a big role and I feel like I don't do it great every time.  When this happens I begin to feel like a failure.

I let my weakness be what I focus on...not who I am or what I do right.

I get comfortable with being discontent.  I feel uncomfortable by my weakness and I then I get stressed out by my life.

I need to work on being content with my weakness, to not be defined by my failures or shortcoming but to embrace what I do well.

Today I conquered life by:

• breaking my chores into manageable pieces and relishing in the victory of something getting accomplished!
• saw my sister, got to appreciate the skill with which she has been gifted in painting and art and now have loveliness to see on my walls.
• cooking a meal I enjoy eating and savoring the flavors of the food and knowing that my family enjoys it as well!

It's been a good day full of ups and downs and twists and turns but I didn't let myself get comfortable with falling into my old habits!  And for that I am thankful!

Fail

I did it again.  I fell into my bad habits and became that person I don't really like...

FAIL

I snapped, I screamed, I got really mean....

FAIL

I'm frustrated easily, I'm angry for no reason...

FAIL

I'm trying again to do it all in my strength...

FAIL

I hate failing, I hate being this angry person who is not happy at home.  I'm happy outside of my house, or at least I put up a brave front.  I hate feeling like I am not good enough.

I struggle with little things...like keeping a clean house.  I have a super hard time with this.  I am just not good at it.  Add in 4 more people and I feel like I'm drowning sometimes.  I don't know how other mom's do it.  I don't know how some people ALWAYS have a clean house...I can't seem to do it.  The piles and crumbs must multiple faster at my house than at other peoples houses!

I read people's blogs and I know often one only puts on the blog the good and happy but I see the corners of houses and they don't look like mine and I think...how come I can't do that!  What is wrong with me.  It's like the airbrushing they do on magazine ads...I know it's not perfect and I know that they have struggles that I may not have but still I wonder.

I think if they can do it why can't I?  What is wrong with me?  Why is this such a struggle?  WHY?  WHY??  WHY????

That's the true root of it for me the..Why?  Why am I dwelling on the negative rather than the positive?  Why is the glass half empty instead of half full?  Why is the discouragement of life bringing me down?  Why am I seeing only the bad instead of the good?  Where is the contentment that I should have instead of the I want's and the gimmies (which I honestly hate coming from others)?

I think it all comes back to contentment.  Why am I not content with what I have been given?  Why am I resentful of the gifts that I have been given?  Why am I angry at the place I am in instead of overflowing with gratitude for all the things I have?   

It's simple and hard to answer this question...the WHY of it all is this ugly thing at the root....SELFISHNESS.

I'm SELFISH...scary thought huh..admitting to yourself that you are something like this.  It's true, the more I think about it, this is the root of some of my issues.

I'm selfish of my sleep...so I get angry when I am woken up...even if it's too a very sweet little boy who only wants to hug and snuggle with his mama.

I'm selfish of my time...I would much rather read a book or watch some TV than clean something.

I'm selfish of my food...I only want to cook and eat what I want.  I then want the kitchen to clean itself so I don't have to do...I want what I want!

I'm selfish.  Deep down I think that I am better or more worthy because my focus is on the SELF.  

How bout you?  Are you struggling with the Selfishness that is imbred in all humanity...that thinking that we are better than others and that our wants and desires should be at the forefront?  

I'm struggling with it...but I have named it...often when I name the issue it makes it easier to conquer it.  It's still a struggle but hopefully I can work on making this problem, these struggles begin to go away.   

It goes back to Overcoming and Moving Forward.  

I took 2 steps backward today and I Failed.  Boo...but I will continue and work on moving again AHEAD...embracing Today...and being a more content and happy individual.

Conquering Today

It's all about the Today of it all.

That's what I am working for and working on.  The enjoyment of Today!

Today is...

now

here

real

present

achievable

conceivable

doable

necessary

So I am conquering Today.

In little ways, with small changes, finding peace in the decisions I make and the responsibilities that I face.

Ways I have conquered today:

Joy...put a smile on and embrace happy.  Find things that you can smile about even though you want to scream, pout, or cry!  

Sing a Silly Song...if something isn't working, sing a song about it and it might change.  It doesn't have to be a pretty song or make sense sometimes singing just makes it all better!

Dance  if you hear a beat, feel a rhythm do a little dance...I have the worst dance moves but it can be a stress relief and make it all better!

Take a deep breathe....like I say to my students..."Smell the popcorn, blow out the candle"  in other words "in through the nose, out through the mouth!"

Put on your big girl panties and just deal...sometimes you just can't fix it...oh well, don't let it absorb you!

So I let today happen, I smiled, I laughed I enjoyed.  And it was good.  I also gave some random high fives and tried to be an encouragement rather than a downer.

So today was good.  And I liked it.

I cooked food I enjoyed for dinner from no recipe and it wasn't bad, and I have leftover rice for lunch.

I took a break at work and read a book in a comfy chair and enjoyed a small snack.  An easy 15 minute recharge.

I stopped sweating the small stuff and just took responsibility and made notes for the future.  And it will be okay.

I'm getting ready to end the day and I am feeling pretty good.  I like that!  

Thanks be to God for a good day!

Grumpy

I feel like Grumpy today.  I'm grouchy and I want to be disagreeable and angry.  However I am trying to follow through on my goals and not be grumbling and disputing.  But I really  want to be, I want things my way...I want stuff to go the way I want.  So this is how I am trying to change my thinking about my irritations....and I will be working on this all day, because I really don't want to be doing it.

1.  I'm tired...Jayden was up a lot last night and needing extra snuggles.  Instead of whining about this I will try to take a nap this afternoon and be grateful that my little boy still wants and needs me.  Plus, he is still recovering from his surgery and probably was in pain  and I know this is a temporary deal...hopefully when he is all recovered he will sleep through the night again.

2.  I couldn't find what I was looking for easily...Dan and Janea are off getting hair cuts this morning and we were sent a coupon in the mail in December.  I couldn't find it...until the last minute but I did find it!  So instead of grumbling, I need to refine my system and not make piles...piles are where things get lost, I need to have a place for everything and everything in it's place.

3.  A tornado has blown through my house...again.  I can't seem to keep this place clean.  It's a never ending battle and I'm just not good at it.  Well, instead of complaining I will get the kids to help me and try to figure out how to  eliminate the problems...like the cups of pens that Jayden seems to spill constantly and the never ending battle with packaging...maybe I need to make more food from scratch.  I'm grateful that I can work on the house while I do laundry today at home since my dryer is fixed that's one less battle!

That's a little bit of where I am this morning, hopefully things will improve as the day goes on...but I definitely need an attitude adjustment this morning.

Re-Inventions

Wow!  Here it is 2013 and I have a new year ahead of me.

I have a blank calendar, a blank slate as it were to fill with my life.  I've been pondering this over the last few days:

What do I want this year to look like?  

What do I want to change?  

What do I NEED to change?

What will my focus for the year be?

I've been struggling recently, really struggling.  My focus has been shifted, my mood low, I'll admit it, I'm in a Valley...a deep valley, a dark valley at times.  It's been painful, and I have been not the nicest or loving person to my family.  I've been very focused on ME.  I've been very focused on the WHY ME's, "why isn't my life better, why doesn't anyone help me. why doesn't anyone take care of me".  Selfish isn't it, and yet sometimes I feel like I am justified in my thinking.  

This is my yard as the kids were building snowmen yesterday....really not pretty, this is how I've been feeling lately, really not pretty...run over as it were.

I take care of the household, I take care of the bills, I get up every night with a toddler who somehow forgot how to sleep all night 3 months ago...sometimes he's up once, sometimes he's up twice, if I am really unlucky I end up sleeping with him.  I do what feels like everything...and I'm tired.  

I'm tired.  That's the truth, I am emotionally, spiritually and physically tired.  Like I said, I'm in a low place...but I am going to be climbing the mountain.  I'm going to get out of this valley.  I'm going to change my focus.

Today is the first day of a new year and a good way to look ahead...Forward as it were....I need to put the past in the past and stop dragging it out and wallowing over it.  I can't change it, I can't, it's in the past...I can only work on TODAY.  Today is where I am...the present.  I can look ahead to the future but what I am doing TODAY is what will impact the future.  I have no perfect crystal ball that will show me what the future holds.  I'm not to worry about tomorrow, I'm not to fret about yesterday, I need to focus on TODAY!.  I need to look for the good and happy things in today.  I need to relish the small things and not get too caught up in the I wishes, the I needs, the why's of it all.  I need to be CONTENT.

I've claimed a passage of Scripture for the year.  It's going to be a tough one to follow but I believe it is a necessary one.  I took it out of my favorite book in the Bible.   I feel like this book is written for me...it's the book of Philippians.  It's a book about Joy and Rejoicing in what the Lord has done for us.  Too often I get focused on the bad and not look at the good, and it affects how people look at me and the impact I have on those around me.  I'm going to focus and work to fulfill this simple command...
  "Do all things without grumbling or disputing so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God about reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation among whom you appear as lights in the world."

Easy enough huh....hah!  I'm a champion when it comes to complaining!  I'm the queen bee as it were...but not anymore...I'm going to look at enjoying life again!

Will you join me on my journey?  Will you choose like me to put the ugly and selfish behind us and focus on the Forward Journey of Today.   Will you look for things to be happy about?  Things for which to be thankful and find meaning even in the menial, small, overlooked tasks.  

Come and join me, it may not be an easy journey but I am praying that it will be a meaningful one.

It snowed yesterday....a really pretty snow...covering the brown and dead things in the yard...a nice focus on New Years Eve.

True or False

...I have a headache right now.

...change is on the horizon and while I can see it taking shape I don't know if I will like the outcome of said change.

...it's 100 degrees or higher outside and I am tired of it.

...I'm struggling with the ages and stages of my children.

...I sometimes feel underappreciated by the members of my family.

...bills make me stressed.

...Jayden is walking around the house with a broom and does this daily!

...Jaron is super sweet at times and super frustrating at other times.

...I've been using the same brand of deoderant since high school.

...I need to moisturize.

....I am thankful for dollar store flip flops and wear them practically every day.

...I forgot a load of laundry in the washer for 4 days.

...my hands hurt from cutting out small pieces of stuff.

All of the above is absoluetly true....not a falsehood in the bunch...and that's okay.

My Quirky Kids

As the kids are getting older, maturing their personalities are so different from each other.  I'm getting to know these guys as they mature and change and develop and it's fun and exhausting all at the same time.

Janea is her own person.  At times she is sweet and loving, at other times she is smart and sassy most of the time lately she seems to be grumpy.  She is growing into her teen age self and struggling with being 12.  She's excited about being in 7th grade and yet at the same time I feel like her defensiveness is just a way of keeping her guard up.  We are working on helping her to grow into lady full of grace and beauty but it is a hard and challenging process.

Jaron is full of energy and VOLUME!  Seriously, I don't think he understands the meaning of be quiet.  He is the one who we are constantly reminding to turn down his volume and calm down.  He does everything full of gusto.  He is a great big brother to Jayden, an annoying little brother to Janea and we are working on having him be more of Dan's helper on things.

Jayden is quite the charmer when he wants to, a screamer when he wants something, a give me what I want or I will throw a fit kid, he's either happy or sad...there really isn't a middle ground with him.  It's challenging to be starting over with the toddler phase but we are enjoying it too.  I won't lie, I will not be sad when he is potty trained!  I don't enjoy diapers.

So that's some of what I have been thinking about lately!  Love my kiddos!

Difference a Year Makes

I've been reflecting on the changes that have occured over the last year.  The difference I see and the perspective I have gained are great.  I'm thankful

Winter:  Last winter I was STRESSED out.  We had a very very Snowy winter complete with a Blizzard!  This winter has been warm, we have had less than an inch of snow for the entire winter so far and I've not had to worry about snow days at all.  In fact, some days I have had to remind the kids to wear a coat!  What a difference a year makes.

Baby:  Last year I was pregnant and freaking out that I couldn't be a mom to 3.  Well, turns out I can be a mom to 3.  The baby is doing really well, we are enjoying him very much.  It's hard work to have a baby in the house but I do have a great husband and helpful big kids and that makes it great.  We also have been so blessed with a wonderful babysitter who takes such great care of Jayden so I can work. 

JOB:  It's nice to have a job I like.  Last year I was contemplating quitting and freaking out about finances.  This year I have a great job, looking forward to summer and next year and I genuinelly enjoy what I am doing.  I have a rough class at times but honestly I love what I do!

So that's a bit of a difference between then and now. I certainly enjoying what I am doing now and this year more than my memory of last year.

Getting Back to the Routine

Now that Christmas Break is over I am trying to get back to the routine of life.

It's harder than I remember...probably because I am trying to be cleaner and more organized.  More purposeful too....

So tonight I really don't want to cook...I want to go out for dinner but we shouldn't go out since it is much more affordable to eat at home...but I am cooking because it is a good grown up thing to do.

Chicken and spicy rice with lemon...will be good...I hope...but it's good to be cooking and meeting the needs of my family.

Tomorrow I will post my P365 pictures for the week!

Off to a good Start

2012 is here!  I'm already confused by writing the date on things!  The first few days of the New Year are always more challenging for me.

We spent the first days of the year working hard on getting things organized and working.  It's hard to rearrange and reorganize your life but it is profitable to.  And important.  We have family goals that we are working towards and working together to meet these goals is also very important.

I've decided to tackle the P365 this year.   The goal is to take a picture a day of things that are happening in our life.  It's only day three and I am already stumped at what to take a picture of today but I will figure something out!  It's all good....I'm thinking I will just post the weeks picture instead of a picture every day. 

My word for the year is PURPOSEFUL.   I want to think of the Purpose of the things that I do and the words that I speak.  I think it will be a good focus for me as I am working on things in my life!

My goals for the year:
Clean  the kitchen every day!  Even when tired and not wanting to do it.
Eat more fruits and vegetables
Learn to cook more delicious foods from scratch! 
Be an encourager rather than a nagger in life...
Be more in the WORD!

So those are some of my goals...what are some of yours.

Final Post of 2011

Wow!  I can't believe the year is almost over!  I've not been the best blogger this year but I am thankful for the blog because I can use it to look back at the year that's gone on and see how God has worked and all the changes that have occurred.

Some big changes for us this year:

NEW BABY:  I'm thankful for a healthy happy boy that we have in Jayden.  He truly is a joy to our lives and we are loving watching him grow and develop!

NEW JOB:  At the end of February I quit my job in order to prepare for baby.  I enjoyed being a SAHM for a while but as the summer drew to a close I was feeling stressed by our financial situation, feeling like the walls were closing in and knew that I wasn't feeling content with where I was in life.  I struggled with this and felt like a failure at times. So I started looking and applying for positions.  All the while I was praying that God would open up the right position for the whole family and lead me to a babysitter who would give wonderful care to Jayden.  I was offered 2 jobs and the one I chose has truly been a gift from God.  I have hours that follow the big kids schedule well, I get longer breaks at Christmas and Easter, I work with people who are building a school program and since we are not corporate owned there is a family atmosphere for both the families of the school and the staff.  I feel blessed to be there!  Also I have found the greatest babysitter who takes such good care of Jayden and loves him like he's her own and I am so grateful for that!  He is in a home, not a center, he gets plenty of one on one attention and truly is thriving!

NEW SCHOOL:  Jaron started a new school in the district and while he didn't like it at first we have again been blessed with a great teacher for him and he is enjoying it!  I am thankful for our school district and the good education both of my kids have been getting!

Some focuses for the upcoming 2012:

Being a Better Wife:  I struggle with my attitude toward my husband at times and I don't express my feelings and stresses in an appropriate way.  I hope to have a proper attitude with Dan at all times and be a good helpmeet to him.

Being a Better Mom:  As a mom now of kids both older and infant I am struggling with the age gap.  I want to be the mom that all my kids need!

Being a Better Housekeeper:  I'm not a cleanie, I am a messie and I struggle big time with this....any and all help in this matter would be appreciated or someone offering to hire me a maid!

Being a Better Cook:  Dan and I love the flavors of restaurant foods but we can't afford to eat out all the time.  We also are trying to eat healthier so I have the goal of making delicious healthy dishes for the whole family that taste Better than eating out...another goal is to keep a cleaner kitchen so cooking is not a big challenge!

So as I bid the old year good bye and look forward to a new year I pray that God will continue to bless us with good health, a happy family and a good life.