Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Be willing

Sometimes things change and you have to be flexible. 

Sometimes you won't have things fall into place the way that you want it to go.

Sometimes no matter how hard you try it just isn't working and you have to do something else to fix it.

I've been dealing with this over the last few months at work.

I had BIG GOALS for the year...yes I am "Miss I Gotta Plan" but while I am a Lead teacher we co-teach at my school.

My plans and my co-teachers implementation of those plans wasn't happening.  I mean I had 2 co-teachers at the beginning of the school year, within 4 weeks it was apparent that one of them was not going to work out.  This teacher wasn't pulling their weight, and didn't have their heart in the job.  Within 6 weeks this teacher was no longer working with me.

The other co-teacher started out strong but quickly spiraled into a never ending pile of complaining and feeling overwhelmed.  I was dealing with 24 children and a co-teacher who couldn't seem to help me fix the room.  She tried, I will say that for her, she worked really hard, but I feel like she was overwhelmed.  So the room suffered, I suffered, I was stressed, I was Failing bad at this.  It was hard, it was exhausting and I felt like I was drowning in a sea of I'm not doing a good enough job.

My bosses needed to make changes, staff was hired, hours were changed and I got to regroup.  I became a member of a team of 4.  I went to part-time hours and got to spend more time with Jayden and got my house more under control.  I got to regroup, but I also went to a low place emotionally, I mean I often find my identity by my job...I am Miss Erin, the teacher, what would I be if I am not that.

I was tired, stressed, and feeling like a failure.  I was in that low place.  That unhappy place that I am working so hard to pull myself out of right now.  

The break helped.  I was able to guide the team and get them comfortable, I was able to do a good job at work and regroup.  I was able to feel needed and I was much less stressed!

During the 1st week of January, my boss told me that she might need to move me to another room.  By the 2nd week I received an email letting me know that I was needed in another room and that I would be back to full time hours..

So here I am back to working 38.5 hours a week.  I am able to do what I love, teach young children.  I am not in the age that I prefer but they are a good group of kiddos.  I'm team teaching with a young woman who is a behavioral specialist.  She takes the data, she helps with the behavior management plans and I get to do what I love, plan fun and exciting lessons, create meaningful art, talk about fun things and bring my input into the classroom.

It's good.  However, if I hadn't been willing to take a step back and grow from the experience of another mom, who is also my boss, I might have missed out on the growth that I am having and be in a totally different place that might not be as good.

That's one thing I am trying to do this year.  I'm trying to learn to Be Willing.  

I need to be willing to see how I can grow from criticism.  More often then not, it will help me to be better.

I need to be willing to let go and not try to make something work, to ask for help when I need it!

I need to be willing to stretch myself and see that a change can be a good thing, not a punishment.

I need to be willing to smile, to put on a happy face when I might not want to!

I need to be willing to be used as God would want me to be, to see His guiding hand and TRUST Him to be in control of the situation.

Are you ready to be willing too?  I hope so.  It's a challenge but exciting all at the same time!

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