Feeling Old

It's June.  

Can't believe it's June already.  Seems like this year is just whizzing by!  Every time I blink some new thing is happening or some new milestone in our life is starting.

June is an important month around here.  The firstborn becomes a teenager officially this month.  She has been a teenager in attitude since about 5 but she is officially a teenager in a week!  Can't believe it.

We're in that phase of life where it is the end of the world to get our picture taken, it's embarrassing to be seen with Mom and Dad, and we just don't know where we are going in life.  She's growing up so fast.  Hard to believe that just 13 years ago I was not really ready to be a mom, and guess what I still don't feel like I am ready to be a mom!  She has taught me a lot as I am trying to teach her.  Can't believe how fast life is moving and how much she is growing and maturing.  

At 13...Janea  enjoys

arguing...both for fun and in debate

theater...both watching and performing

superheroes and their movies

Dr. Who...if the TARDIS ever shows up I am sure she will join the doctor

Zombies and "real" vampires...not the Twilight ones

Love my firstborn, my teenager, the one who keeps me on my toes!

BUSY

So I am  busy right now.

Super Busy...you know the kind, lots of stuff going on, lots of programs for the kids, lots of places to go, lots to do...BUSY.

I'm rushing here, I'm trying to do this, I'm trying to finish that, I'm going so fast I don't know if I am coming or going.  I'm BUSY.   And it's not the good kind of busy...some of it is, other is not.

I've got stuff for my class at my school:

• Mother's Day Projects
• Finishing Portfolios
• Finishing Lesson Plans
• Finalizing Summer Stuff
• Keeping up the the Schedule
• Parent Teacher Conferences

I've got stuff for the Big kids

• Janea's in drama, so that means play practice, chauffeuring her to rehearsals, late pickups from school, Saturday workdays
• Jaron will have a 504 meeting for some issues he is having and that means taking time off work and finding childcare
• Youth Group
• Last nights at Awana
• Going on a weekend with Grandma and Grandpa
• Projects, Map Testing and Finals

I've got stuff with Jayden

• Muffins with Mom
• Parkwood Sunday
• Well baby checkups and special outings to the park

I need time with the hubby but we are currently juggling all the little stuff.

It's busy...and I feel like I am failing.

But I'm not,

I'm making the time, I'm trying to meet the needs of the family.

I'm a little stressed but I am trying to prioritze and make sure that the important stuff gets done, that I am meeting all the needs of the emotions and not just focusing on the checklist.  It's hard, but I am doing it.

So we are Busy...and we will make it to SUMMER!!!  Only a few weeks left!

IT's JUST TOO HARD

"This is impossible"

"I can't stand this"

"I don't want to do this, it's just too hard"

These statements I have heard this morning coming from my living room.

And no, I didn't say them, I overheard them.

The 10 year old is working on cleaning up the living room....and the mess its bad, really bad, and I offered to pay him but he really doesn't want to do it.

He's frustrated, and I understand, I'm there with him.

However, I am stopping playing the martyr.  I'm not going to let him give up, and I am not going to do it for him.  He needs to learn, and I need to guide him to do his best and accomplish the task.

My life has been like this...full of frustrations and hurts and complaints of it just being way to hard!

I've gained some hope though,  it's hard, yes, it's hard...and I am not the only person in the world who feels this way.  I have friends,  and other mom's who blog, unknown acquaintances who also struggle with this same stuff.  I'm not the only one who struggles and struggles and fails at being "SUPERMOM".

I don't have to be "SUPERMOM"!  I don't have a magic cape, I can't fly, I'm not Mary Poppins and IT's OKAY!

Whew...wow...did I finally admit it!

That's the heart of it, I have to let go of my desire to be perfect.

I'm not perfect, I'm not amazing, I'm not the best...I'm just me.

Sometimes I do things really really well.  Sometimes I don't do things very well.

I thought of it like this...

I can be a good cook....but I can also be a good kitchen cleaner so I want to cook more!

I can be a great mom...and I can let the little things slide and inspire my children in their inspirations.

I can be a good teacher...and I can also have an off day...but I am not defined by my failure.

I can be a good motivator...and ASK for help!

I can be weak....I can't carry the load alone.

It's just too Hard to do things alone...and it's just too hard to do things in my own strength...I've been again seeing that only be allowing myself to be weak and frail and asking for help and asking for God's help am I truly able to get through the day and work at being the best mom, wife, teacher and friend I can be.

It's hard to admit your not as great as you want to be, but at the same time it is a very freeing experience!

A New Phase of Life

Janea has joined the youth group!  I can't believe that she is now old enough to be a member of the youth group.  I can't believe she is going to be in 7th grade!
We have now entered the years of youth activities, nighttime activities and busier schedules!

Where did my little girl go?  I can't believe she is getting so be so grown up!

STOP...Wait....What?!?!?!?!?

Time has got to stop moving so fast!  I mean it's already OCTOBER!!!  How can this be...and has it really been over a week since I posted????  I'm getting to be a very bad blogger!

Where is Time Going??

WOW!  It's already the 5th of July!

I can't believe how quickly the summer is flying by!~ And what a bad blogger I am becoming! 

Will try and post more indepthly this week...lots happening.

Halfway There!

So I am 20 weeks today.

A "normal" pregnancy is 40 weeks...this means that today I hit the halfway mark for the baby!

However my two previous pregnancies ended at 38 and 37 weeks.

So I'm over halfway there!

Tomorrow is our Ultrasound to find out the growth of the baby and how it's doing...tomorrow I hope to know if the "it" is a boy or a girl. We'll be happy with whatever comes...It's getting a little bit more real. Baby J was being Ninja baby this morning!

I'm still in shock that I am pregnant!

What....October is Over?

Time is moving quickly.

I'm not moving quickly.

I'm hoping that the thing I want to get done gets done today.

I'm scared of all that I still need to do today.

I just realized it's not October anymore but November....it's crazy!

I'll keep you posted....life is moving much too rapidly!

The Countdown Begins

Today is the beginning of August...seriously, the year is flying by. I remember when I was a kid and time moved so much slower, or maybe I moved much faster I don't know. I can't get over the fact that it is August already.

The kids go back to school on the 17th. Hooray! They need to go back, they need to interact with other children, they need to be away from each other! I need them to quit fighting.

So the countdown to school begins...16 more days...I really hope I know something job wise for me by then...

Huff, grunt, push, pull

I just sat down for the first time in 5 hours.

With Dan working the day shift now we had to do some room rearranging. Yesterday, he was supposed to help me with the process. However, we changed our plans and went out to enjoy the beautiful summer weather and had a lovely adventure in the process...I'll post pictures later. It was probably a good thing too since we were trying to keep Dan from napping at all yesterday and a fun activity keeps him more engaged and is was the weekend and we like to have fun on the weekends.

Well, we had a small mishap at 12:45 this morning involving myself, Dan and a glass of water. Our bed had been pushed into a corner so it was only accessible from one side. So the person sleeping closest to the wall (Dan) has to climb over the other sleeping member (me) in order to get in and out of bed. Well, he needed to get up and in the process of climbing over me and try to let me stay asleep he kicked over my glass of water on the bedside table...not okay. That means the bed has to be moved since we are sleeping the same hours again.

Our Room was MESSY...big time messy. Messy and full of baskets of clean clothes, clothes that don't fit, laundry that needs to be put away, and just stuff that needs to be elsewhere but has piled up and is a MESS. With working opposite shifts for so long it's easy to just lay stuff down and forget about it or to justify being tired and not taking care of it. Well, no more. I cleaned, I organized I filled 2 bags FULL of giveaway clothing. I put stuff away. I threw stuff away. I then moved the bed from the corner into a position against one wall and now we can both easily get in and out of bed again. YEAH!

That was a BIG JOB. But I did it... I persevered and I am very pleased with the results of my actions. Now to keep it clean so I don't have to do it again!

Too much

I have to juggle too many things and sometimes things slip through the cracks. Like Dan's phone. We do pay as you go since it is much more cost effective for us...well, I think I messed up on the dates for Dan's and now his phone is inactive...and so I am researching other possible plans with better service and better rates than what we have been doing. We shall see...it's a good thing Friday is payday!

Just what this Momma needed

Friday as I was leaving school my mom called and said that my parent's church( they pastor a church about 40 minutes from here) was having their annual VBS kickoff. This year it was going to be at a local families farm and there would be fishing and games and fun. She wanted to know if the kids would be able to go...they often go to VBS at Grandma and Grandpa's church in the summer. I was all over that!

4:40 the kids got picked up to go...and they didn't come home until almost 10! It was so nice to have a relaxing night off without the kids.

Dan and I went to Costco...but only had a half an hour to shop...probably would have spent even more if we had more time but we got the stuff we really needed!

After Costco because Dan is wise and we brought the cooler with us for the frozen stuff we stopped at PepperJax for yummy philly cheese steak sandwiches!( yeah for no cooking!)

Then we came home and just hung out...watched some shows we had DVR'd to watch together and relaxed...kidless...it was wonderful! I am so thankful for my mom and dad who were able to spend quality time with the grandkids and for those times when I get a break.

Fun with my Honey

Dan and I got to go on a date last night! Yeah!

Last week was Teacher Appreciation week at school and I got a number of gifts from my students. One student gave me a $25 gift card to either Chili's or On the Border(it was technically for 4 restaraunts but we don't typically go to the others) and another student gave me a $10 gift card to AMC. I was very excited about both!

So last night Dan and I went to On the Border for dinner...super yummy! We both enjoyed fajitas but we got two different kinds and two different sauces so that we could share! I love sharing! We thoroughly enjoyed our dinner! Then we went and saw the new Star Trek movie! Loved it too...so good...so not what I was expecting but in an awesome way! We had a good time of enjoying a movie without the kids!

All in all a great evening together and a way to celebrate Dan's birthday a week late! The kids also had a great time with Grandma and Grandpa...they went fishing and out for pizza...so we were all happy and had a very nice time together! It was a real blessing to enjoy a night out on the town and not have to pay an arm and a leg to do it! Also a much needed reconnection between Dan and I!

Relishing the Silence

It's not often quiet here in the Jonathan household. We are often running around shooting each other with dart guns(future post), jumping off the furniture, talking a mile a minute, soaking Momma's bathroom, watching TV, singing, dancing, playing, and enjoying. Some evenings I think I will go crazy from the loudness of it all! I do contribute to the noise so I am not shifting the blame just some days it's amazing how loud we are.

Weekday mornings are a pleasure....I get up before the kids and I get a silent house. I have time to think, to plan, to meditate, to pray, to just say awww...and on the mornings when I am up and the house is quiet those are good days. I am filled with peace and don't have the rush of a busy morning and gettting everyone out the door.

I relish this time to feel like I am gathering my thoughts, to spend time with God on a deep level, to not answer a million questions...it's so wonderful!

A lot on my mind

Have you ever been confused or perplexed? Do you ever question what your initial plans were and think about what needs to be done? I am so there right now.

Here's my predicament:

Dan and I are approaching our 10th wedding anniversary. When we got married we had planned to go to the Outer Banks of North Carolina for our honeymoon. About 4 months before our wedding Dan got a better paying job working at a manufacturing plant. Due to being a new hire he did not have accumulated vacation time and so we changed our plans. Instead of a week long trip to NC we went to a Geneva Illinois for a longer weekend. We had a nice time and enjoyed ourselves. We decided we would go to the Outer Banks for our first anniversary. Fast forward to October of 1999. I'm feeling strange, not normal, and so we decide to take a pregnancy test...it's positive! So we're due 4 days before our anniversary! Janea was actually born 18 days before our first anniversary but there was no way we could travel and leave a newborn! So we decided to wait until our 5th or 10th anniversary. At 5 years, we couldn't afford to go and we had two kids 4 and under. Now we are approaching 10 years and I don't know if the kids could handle us being gone for a week.

We are looking at places to stay, attractions we want to see, and starting the beginning of the planning process for the trip. Janea is wanting to go...since we will be going to the beach. At the same time we have never taken a family vacation to anywhere. So my question is should we just take a family vacation this June and then in a few years when they are much older plan an extended second honeymoon trip or should we just try and take one this year. Parenting is such a challenge. Dan is worried if we take the kids that I will feel jipped out of getting to see all the stuff I want to see. I am worried about how the kids will take us going for at least a week once you count in travel times.

Marriage is important and getting that time to reconnect with your spouse is so important. Parenting is important and so is building family memories.

Contemplating Goodness and Changes

Tomorrow starts a new month...December...one that will be extra full of special things and events. However, as I sit and think about it I am again aware that my focus may be in the wrong place. Our pastor preached on Stewardship this morning and I got to thinking today about being a proper steward of everything and that includes my time.

I am good at putting things off, if I don't feel like doing something I am really good at putting it on the back burner and then forgetting about it. Since I have gone back to work I have been failing at my mantra of keeping up with my housework. I use the excuse of being tired and then decide to do something else.

My goal for December is simple...don't put off what needs to be done regardless of how I am feeling. I don't want to get to the end of the month and feel like a failure. Instead I want to build momentum to start the new year on the right foot with a plan in place to make 2009 a really profitable year. The end of 2008 is approaching and I have been thinking about the past year and boy did God meet needs in extraordinary ways!

*We had a huge flood and our baby is still with us. God protected her and helped her to get out of a flooded basement without getting caught in anything harmful or being electrocuted...Thank you God for my daughter.

*We made the decision to put the kids in public school and I prayed fervently that they would be placed with good teachers. God has answered this prayer and I am pretty sure that Janea's teacher is a Christian. They both have teachers that fit them well and are helping them to learn and grow in their educations..Thank you God for answering prayers.

* I used my time when I wasn't working to focus on Sparks and Awana and it has made such a difference. I am prepared and ready each Wednesday night and I have been blessed with good leaders who are committed to doing a good job and honoring God! Thank you God for great Sparks leaders!

* We moved to a place where we can again be our family of four. It's a good place to be, we are more focused on spending quality time together enjoying each other's company and having fun! It's been sweet! Thank you God for my wonderful family!

I can't believe it's already Wednesday!

The week is flying by! I am in shock that tonight is Wednesday and Sparks...it feels like it should be Monday still! I am looking forward to Sparks tonight and hope the kids had a good break and bring lots of friends.:)

So this week at school so far I have had a field trip to the Truman Museum in Independence. The School had our election yesterday and we announced the results today..the students are working on completing our space unit. We have started a new program for spelling, and are getting ready for the school Winter program.

At home, I had help from the kids putting up the Christmas tree, having to make a trip to Wal-Mart to buy more decorations and lights since 3 strands were burned out and we didn't yet have this years ornaments! Plus, Dan has been putting in 12 hour days at work so I am sleeping a little bit more but I am very tired! I didn't get home until almost 7 last night since we had staff meeting at school.

I only have 3 more weeks of school and then we have 2 weeks off:) I can't wait~!

Where does a week go?

Why is it that some weeks can fly by and some weeks can drag by...my week this week is flying away from me! I also can't believe that Thanksgiving is next week, I haven't shopped yet, and we are having 9 people here for the holiday! I think I should be having a panic attack! AUUGHH!!

Moving, moving, moving...

Well, we are now officially living in the house in Peculiar. Unfortunately everything is still in boxes and we still have to move stuff from 2 rooms at the Belton House. Also I am back to work full time so that leaves evenings and weekends. Boy does it seem like I could use about 4 hours more in the day! Then maybe I would feel like I am accomplishing something! School starts in a day and a half!

Today's the Day...

We close on the house today. Then its all about moving! I am feeling so overwhelmed right now that I feel like I am drowning! We had big plans to get stuff done this weekend and we accomplished--NOTHING!!!--My darling husband got sick and since he is a man that means that it is the end of the world as we know it! I get really frustrated when he gets sick simply because whenever I get sick I don't get any help or breaks since he works nights. He also seems to think that my family should just step in and take over till I feel better--but my folks both work and have their own lives so they do help but I am not expecting them to come and rescue me when I don't feel good. That being said, I get really irritated with him when he is sick and that is something that I need to work on but at the same time I wonder, couldn't he just toughen up a little?

So this week I have to get more done on my classroom, start moving into the new house and survive the heat! It's so stinking hot here in MISSOURI! Today we are to have a heat index of 111! That's too hot! Well, that's today will post more on the whole move later!