Thursday, January 28, 2010

Cry? Laugh? Scream?

I need an emotional release.

I'm feeling frustrated, tired, a little bit sick, tired, confused, hurt, tired, preplexed, annoyed, tired, happy, sad, and tired...I mentioned tired right?

Life is hitting me with both barrels right now. Especially the work side. Being a working mom is tough. I have to balance life, the kids, my school kids, projects, dinner and all kinds of other stuff. So here's a look down the barrels...

SICKNESS: Jaron got sick this week. Up in the middle of the night puking sick. My kids really don't get sick often and I am so grateful for this. They are generally healthy but every now and then sickness strikes. So Tuesday late night was spent caring for my puking boy and washing bedding. This accounts for the tired. I need at least 6 hours a night to feel good. Anything less than 5 and I start really feeling messed up. I can function but things get thrown out of whack. I did go to work and make it through on about 3-4 hours of sleep...makes for a very long day. Last night I slept good but as the morning today went on I really started going downhill and now I am battling the chills, wishing for my bed and praying for a quicker Friday.

WORK: There are changes happening at work. We have an overabundance of younger aged children and not quite as many Pre-Kindergarteners, while we have 2 Pre-kindergarten classes and one Preschool class. My boss came up with a solution and has had me working with her to make it happen and figure it all out. So now we are going to have a larger pre-K class(my class) and I will have an assistant to help keep me in ratio, and the other class will have a few Pre-K kids and the older Preschoolers who are Pre-K age but not going to Kindergarten next year. It's going to be an upper level transition room. My co-teacher in Pre-K will have this class...well, she isn't taking the change with grace and dignity and now I am walking around work feeling like I have a target on my back or I am invisible. It's an uncomfortable feeling, one I am not used to and I don't feel like it is deserved. It's frustrating, I just want to teach and have a well run school and the pressure this is putting on me, on top of not feeling good is overwhelming to me. It's like living in a pressure cooker.

So in the mist of this staring into the barrels of the temptation to just throw in the towel and break I am going to be thankful for these things:
  • my kids are healthy, Jaron is feeling better and we all can sleep.
  • my classroom is going well, I have a new student starting Monday and my God will help me to meet the needs of the students whether they started with me or are transitioning back into the room.
  • my boss is super supportive and sees my point of view and knows that I am not instigating nor trying to make the situation any harder than it needs to be
  • I got to chat with a dear friend half way around the world this morning!
  • tomorrow is Friday and then I will have 2 days to recharge my batteries and get to feeling better, a chair, book, hotchocolate, hot tea and a dinner out may be in order.
  • I was able to leave work early to take care of my son and got to get some love from my man that helped since I really felt like I needed a hug.

No comments: